Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

How much do you earn because if you are a high earner it might explain why you think the amount is not enough?

Indeed, some people have less than that for food shopping.
You are getting a good deal OP

Soft play isn’t a daily thing, there are many things you can do for free at that age. I’d be deeply unimpressed if my partner decided to stop work and then spent the week frittering the household income on coffee and lunch.

Well. As a boomer I guess I’ll say it - This is why young people can’t afford houses!

ducks and runs …

Don't be stupid. Maybe it is because you bought them all cheaply?

Given the amount he earns, I think it would be reasonable for him to give you the equalivalent of what he would otherwise spend on childcare. This would be a lot more than £150!

i am surprised everyone thinks £150 is massively generous, from a guy earning that salar, which he is only able to do because his wife is providing all child care..... (I dare say you pick up the majority of the house work currently, also?)

Why are you going out every day? You can just go to the park which is free and take your own home made coffee. Days out, i.e soft plays or something that involves eating lunch out ARE luxuries.
If you go on a day out, why don't you take a packed lunch?

I think £150/week is generous for incidentals. Although your DH is a relatively high earner, £100k doesn’t go as far as it used to and you’re far worse off as a family than one with 2 x earners each earning £50k.

I’m not saying this is right or fair or you should structure your family a different way - but this is the reality of how the UK tax system operates currently

Given the amount he earns, I think it would be reasonable for him to give you the equivalent of what he would otherwise spend on childcare. This would be a lot more than £150!

For fun money? Presumably the poor bloke is also providing the house, a car, utilities, food, etc. ... sounds hugely generous to me.

So you've spent £35 on one day. You've got £115 left to spend and you've only got four days to spend that in. What are you doing on a daily basis with your child that costs this much? You know you can just put a snack and a drink in your bag and take your kid to the park or a walk for no money at all, right? Or you can take them to things like free story sessions and to choose books at the library? Or have fun with them at home doing things like craft or baking or playing in the garden? You're being ridiculous if you think £150 to spend in five days with a toddler is 'stingy'.

And are living in massive ones they don't need because they paid the tiny mortgage off years ago and have no need to move

I very rarely buy water. Refill when I'm out and about. Ice cream again is an occasional treat. I'd be packing snacks from home for general dipping into when toddler needs something.

It's really easy to fritter away a significant sum on not very much if you view a £4.50 coffee as cheap because it's a coffee, not as an expensive eating out thing as compared to a home thing.

Softplay isn't an every day thing. Go to the park or stay at home maybe? Toddler groups in September also.

That’s mental that you think that’s not enough OP. I’m sahm in a v expensive part of uk with 3 small children and our fun money is £200 a month. And my husband earns similar

the amount you are quoting would be for a food shop and petrol and kids clothes and presents and parties in our household

£600 a month on pure fun money is extortionate, no matter who is doing the childcare etc!

@BauhausOfEliott not every time I was just giving examples of where it goes

£150 to spend a week on you and a small child is more than enough.

change your way thinking.

go to soft play and then go home for lunch or pack on up to have out somewhere.

most people don’t have the luxury of multiple lunches out every week.

Maybe because they're saving for something eg the child's education? Maybe they have large mortgage payments? Being a high earner doesn't mean that you should be expected to shell out exorbitant amounts for discretionary spending.

I would love £600 a month.

@Squishymallows it includes presents for parties but not clothes. Thanks for sharing, it seems I am unreasonable for sure!

But you could do that 18 times a month - how much are you wanting to do?

I’m boggling that you have over £600 for leisure alone per month and you’re complaining at it.

Take coffee and snacks with you, stop buying bottles of water.

A day out like that is a rare treat for loads of people, not begrudging you, but it does sound like you’re out of touch. Appreciate what you’ve got and that you’ve got someone willing to fund you so generously.

Yeah present for other kids parties but also our own children’s birthday presents and cost of their parties

Soft play with lunch out should be a weekly treat. Other times you need to be doing free/lower cost things with packed lunches and a refillable water bottle. Or if the weathers really bad and only soft play will keep you sane (a few days a week) you need to take your lunch with you or go in between meal times. I earn over £100k and wouldn’t spend £150 EVERY week on days out

Yabu. You don’t need to do all these things every day. Coffee and soft play one day. Park and lunch another. Friend visit another. Visit places either side of lunch or take a picnic. Are you buying coffees and ice creams every day?! That sounds mad. Are there groups in your area you could attend? These are usually around £5. Are there National Trust sites in your area? If you are a member parking and entry is included. £150 a week just for leisure activities is a lot!

But if she was working he wouldn't be spending that money on childcare they would. Presumably she'd also be contributing to other bills too if she were working. Why do you think he can afford to have the same outgoings now she's earning nothing as he did when they were both contributing?