To let DD14 drink at home

[Elizvicky]

So lately DD has started to want to go further afield and there have been occasions she has drunk alcohol. She doesn't get drunk drunk bjt I worry about her being out and doing it. Her friends seem to want to go further snd further. Well tonight I felt uneasy about it a few things have happened and I worry about other people.
DD tends to be really honest and said her and her mates were planning to have a drink hence not wanting to stay home.
we agreeed her and her 3 friends could come here listen to music chill in the garden and have 2 glasses of low alcohol lambrini in the garden on the basis all parents knew. This is now happening and they are being great and I asked them to mix with lemonade too bjt can't help but think of done something wrong.

I was 13 and drinking cider and 20/20 and always in trouble being sick or In a vulnerable situation so I'm trying to avoid that whilst allowing a little teenage rebellion. As far as I can see it's legal I just worry I'm gonna have social services turn up now! My neighbour is also an arse so I'm worried he will report!

Is this a wind up? No loving and responsible parent would want this for their 14 year old CHILD.

I think that keeping her safe and encouraging her to drink low alcohol drinks watered down is a great way to address her drinking at such a young age. My DD is older and doesn't touch alcohol but if she did I think this would be a good way to handle it.

Current guidance says zero alcohol for under 18.
Evidence of more likelyhood of alcohol issues later on and bad for developing brains.

There was a thread yesterday and it was pretty unanimous that it was irresponsible parenting to provide alcohol to a 15 year old.
I think 14 is definitely too young.

There was a thread yesterday and it was pretty unanimous that it was irresponsible parenting to provide alcohol to a 15 year old.
I think 14 is definitely too young.

I wouldn’t do it. I think it normalises the drinking and it is harmful to their health.

I would lean towards discussing the risks, health and otherwise, of alcohol. Brutal honesty about it.

I say this as someone who drank awfully as a teen. Nobody had the conversation with me so I continued, I would have appreciated having parents to intervene.

Personally, I wouldn’t necessarily have an issue. My DD was a glass collector in a local pub at 14 and so had a very healthy idea of acceptable drinking, so she didn’t. Just turned 17 and still has no real interest in alcohol because it wasn’t taboo and she knew she could ask and I’d listen if she wanted to try it.

She’s either going to be out drinking tonnes more and putting herself in a vulnerable position, or drinking small amounts under your supervision. I think it’s better than burying your head in the sand.

Take the opportunity to talk to her about how much better it is to have a little and be in control, having soft drinks in between alcoholic drinks, how going overboard actually ruins your night etc, and teach her how to drink responsibly.

Agree. I ended up alcoholic at 20 because my mum basically let me drink from an early age. It was too normalised.

I feel like a sap saying this but I'm really trying to choose the less of 2 evils
I know somw of these comments say zero alcohol which is my preference but I know from experience they just lie
equally I don't want her to think this is what we do now

Is your response a wind up?

It's low alcohol, watered down, and they are being supervised. She's already been drinking. Telling her to stop is just going to make her sneak out and do it in the park or somewhere else more dangerous than the back garden.

Conversations about safety and sensible limits can still be had.And the mum on here, seeking input from others.

it's not crack! It's a bit much to suggest that the OP is not 'loving and responsible'. 🙄

It’s fine, most people I know with teens of a similar age would allow this (in fact I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t should their teen ask), and I agree it’s a safer environment than many. I was a bit baffled by the thread yesterday with so much pearl clutching as it’s not my experience at all.

Thanks this is exactly what I don't want I'm just trying to have a bit of control over it and ensure she is safe. I actually feel completely at odds with this myself
And yes obviously I love her that's why I'm not pretending to be oblivious to it all

Oh sooooo dramatic. Do no French people love their kids?

I was allowed wine with meals from about 14 at home.

I have one of the healthiest relationships with alcohol of anyone I know. I'm a light drinker, probably averaging one drink a month. If I want it I have it, but I
never need it.

Make something illicit and deprive kids of it and you just make it all the more alluring.

It must be really difficult OP but you sound like you're making a sensible compromise, if combined with lots of conversations about how to be safe, and how it's best kept for special occasions, etc. Making it taboo will just encourage it, I think.

Where is she going that she can get hold of alcohol?

With my dd this is exactly true I'm just trying to make it seem
mundane. Iv also done them a lovely snack board too so they have food in them too
just want them to have somewhere safe to go and chill and be teenagers. Just checked on them again and they are have a good old gossip playing their songs and having a giggle. I'd rather that hwre then down the local park

She's already told
me what loads of them do, not her of course, but she says they screenshot ID they have and just edit the date of birth.

Thanks this will
moy be a regular occurrence but maybe a once in a while
thing. I have been really really clear that she is so young and her body and brain is developing etc etc

Also that there are certain alcohols that are completely off like any spirits anythhng above 5% and must be with lemonade

My dad let us drink at home. Neither my brother or I went out drinking in the park and both dont really drink now. I dont know if its because we were allowed so secret drinking didnt have the same attraction

I prefer your approach to making alcohol this unobtainable till certain age thing leading to binge drinking once ‘allowed’.
I always had access to alcohol (think European culture) where at 6-7 yrs old was allowed to dip finger in alcohol if I wanted and lick it. Early on I figured I don’t like the taste or the way it changed the behaviour of the people I loved so I’ve never been drunk and actually now, apart from the very occasional celebratory glass of champagne I don’t drink.

I think it’s a reasonable approach. You are trying to teach them to drink sensibly.

It’s not the only approach - zero alcohol is one, or allowing a glass of wine with special family meal (which is what my parents did and what we did).

See how it goes, there is nothing that will stop most teens trying alcohol, so you can adapt as you go.

iv told her drinking outside is a hard no - it's too risky but I do feel like there needs to be a compromise. She has been honest with me about it and told me she's gonna want to have a drink no matter what as she says that's what teenagers do but she also says she knows it can be dangerous with too much or in the wronf
circumstance.
I do feel uncomfortable with it as I worry it's the wrong decision bjt I feel it's had to be this or her going to 'sleepovers' and lying to me -

I would call social services and I'd lose my shit if you let my child drink at your house. There is absolutely zero proof or evidence that early drinking makes it less alluring or any of this nonsense.all evidence points to the opposite that you're normalizing drinking and if she's already developing a tolerance at 14 she's going to be in real trouble by 18.

This is not France, there is not the same drinking culture and it's not a watered down glass of wine with dinner, it's lambrini with friends in the garden. And fwiw as a person who actually did grew up in France with a huge French family, Yes, I had the odd drink, but none of my French family give alcohol to children anymore. It's really not the done thing.

This is a real hard-line you need to draw. You don't want an alcoholic daughter when she can go out on her own.