Page 6 | To let DD14 drink at home

mathanxiety · 04/08/2025 03:35

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/08/2025 02:40

So she lies, fakes ID, drinks alcohol and set's up fake sleepovers at 14.
All 14 y.o aren't drinking, she's in the wrong social circle.
You're going to have your hands full.

Agree.

It's time to start finding ways of keeping this young girl so busy with extra curricular activities, chores, and studies that she will have no time for all of the mischief (and law breaking) she's getting up to with her loser friends.

RiceBubbless · 04/08/2025 03:47

Losingtheplot2016 · 04/08/2025 03:00

I know loads of people who drank underage and I can’t think of many alcoholics. I think alcohol addiction comes from
underlying issues like misery and low self esteem - not just the availability of alcohol.

I also think the restrictions with alcohol may be the cause of the huge rise in children smoking weed. It’s really prevalent where I live. It’s easier to get hold of weed than alcohol.

I am sorry but what you 'think' is the reason why people become alcoholics is utterly irrelevant. The RESEARCH shows there are 3 major causes of alcoholism. One is mental health/life experiences , sure. One of the major risk factors is genetics. So yes, the alcohol itself causes the addition, not any other factors. It is addictive - and some people have a genetic makeup that makes them vulnerable to that addiction. Regardless of they being happy or having high self esteem. Guess what the third major risk factor is for developing alcoholism? Underage drinking.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2025 04:20

I was like you OP, and drank to excess on the streets as a child. I think my friends and I started drinking age 12ish. I have an ok relationship with alcohol now, largely as a health issue meant I stopped drinking for 10yrs altogether and now have a glass or 2 on the weekend.

My 2 close friends I grew up with though both drink way too much, one in particular. Her whole life revolves around drink, and both her kids were raised sitting eating a packet of crisps and a fruit shoot in the pub on a Saturday afternoon. We are all approaching 50 next year, and I do think our early relationship with alcohol is to blame.

On the whole, teens drink a lot less these days than our generation, thankfully. My own kids are not overly fussed with drinking. DS was 18 before he started drinking, and only when he started uni. He only drinks when he goes out, and never at home. DD is 17, and doesn’t drink at all. She isn’t a big socialiser though.

I think you’re doing the right thing personally, and i’d have taken a similar approach if my kids had started drinking under age. I don’t think that approach would have stopped me drinking on the streets to be honest. I regret my early relationship with alcohol. I am thankful that unlike my friends, I now have a much more sensible approach to drinking.

milkandhoney2 · 04/08/2025 04:23

I grew up in pubs so saw the consequences of alcohol from pretty young
Was allowed half a measure of Pimm’s and lemonade from young, probably age 12 ish. There was obviously always alcohol about and if I wanted to try something I could if I asked, there was no mystery around what anything tasted like
age 15/16 I could have alcopops, lager etc with no bother but that was the generation that I was out in clubs at 16

as an adult I don’t really drink

CarolineKnappShappeyShipwright · 04/08/2025 04:49

Children are not drinking as much as previous generations. This is a good thing. So comparing what you got up to with alcohol to what today's teens do isn't helpful. The culture around alcohol is definitely changing. We know alcohol consumption is harmful. It's especially harmful for children. Do some actual research because this topic is well covered. Plenty of statistics that show that the earlier they drink the more likely they are to develop a drinking problem. Never mind all the other health issues associated with alcohol.

I'm not sure why on threads like these France is always mentioned, as if the French have a great relationship with alcohol. If you look at alcohol related deaths their rates are worse than ours.

clotheslinefiasco · 04/08/2025 05:07

Justtryingthis · 03/08/2025 21:14

I’m genuinely baffled at the responses on here. If you have so much as a sniff of alcohol more than 3 days a week and mention it on Mumsnet you are classed as ‘alcohol dependent/alcoholic’ As a grown adult.
Yet here we have numerous posts encouraging underage drinking. And not in the ‘French way’ i.e a watered down glass of wine at a special family gathering. Which is how all of my French family drink.
But in an adult ‘let’s sit on the garden and drink just for the hell of it way’
Yes, teenagers drink. But positively condoning it? At 14?
OP I think you’re bonkers and storing up a load of shit for later teenage years by normalising this behaviour so young.

What they said - totally agree.

These kids are 4 years off the legal age for drinking alcohol and using fake ID to buy it.

And you're having a little party for them in the garden?! Why do they 'need' alcohol at all?

Just have nice snacks and J20/lemonade with soda water or something.

user1476613140 · 04/08/2025 06:40

mathanxiety · 04/08/2025 03:35

Agree.

It's time to start finding ways of keeping this young girl so busy with extra curricular activities, chores, and studies that she will have no time for all of the mischief (and law breaking) she's getting up to with her loser friends.

Show quote history

There are some children who get into the wrong crowd no matter how much effort you put in to steering them in the other direction. It won't work. They have to work it out themselves. I have one that's done some stupid stuff and only wants to learn the hard way in life. There will always be people like this in life. You have to be the parent that's there to pick up the pieces.

Pinkelephantridesagain · 04/08/2025 06:47

Do you find it hard saying no and setting boundaries
What if she wants to have some x ,are you letting that happen at home to.
She's a child ,you set boundaries and say no

Pinkelephantridesagain · 04/08/2025 06:47

Sex

user1476613140 · 04/08/2025 06:54

We have set boundaries given guidance on all sorts of issues yet he doesn't always want to take on board advice. Like many teens he thinks he knows best🙄

Some teenagers will be easily led and how do you control that if they choose their own friends? Same at school? You can't be a fly on the wall!! You give them guidance and hope, really hope that they'll do the right things independent of you.

One of mine is easily led and has ASD which is a terrible combination and has led to him trying various substances before 18...he does have hobbies and friends but sometimes he has chosen the wrong crowd.

As a parent you cannot lock your child up at these ages. They have to work it out themselves which will often mean learning the hard way.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/08/2025 06:57

I’m on the fence on this

I totally get why you want her safe at home drinking low % watered down v down the local park glugging back cider /alch pops

just 14 seems so young to approve it when legal limit is 4yrs later for pubs

tho I get allowed to drink at home with parents legally is younger

that’s where the law is tricky. How can it say 14 at home is fine if 14 in a pub with a parent isn’t

pourmeadrinkpls · 04/08/2025 07:02

Sorry haven't RTFT but I don't get it, are they getting drunk? Because if they're not what's the point? In which case I'd talk to DD about why she's wanting to look cool and succumb to peer pressure. At 14 you hang out with friends, or you party (hopefully not at 14!). I think you're just normalising drinking which is bad, it really makes no sense to me tbh!

user1471538283 · 04/08/2025 07:07

I always let my DS drink at home but I think he was older than this when he had his mates around. He used to have alcohol with the family during Christmas, Easter or on holiday. I thought he was too vulnerable to do as some do (drinking in the park or another friend's house) and I could see how responsible or not he was. He was never a big drinker and I only saw him drunk once coming home from a festival.

I was used to being allowed alcohol at home though as was my DF.

It's difficult because we want to give our DCs tools to cope but some people (particularly my generation maybe) drink too much.

Coconutter24 · 04/08/2025 07:28

Laura95167 · 03/08/2025 21:46

You can legally drink from age 5 in the home. When I was young I had buzz fizz and a dash of baileys in my hot chocolate at Christmas from a young age. And if I asked to try wine or beer my parents let me.

And honestly when my mates got excited by alcohol I wasnt bothered. I liked the taste of pop better.

I think drinking at home (not to levels of getting drunk) with supervision as though its not a big deal helps generate a healthier relationship with alcohol.

If you think its ok, all the parents gave informed consent I dont think you need MN agreement.

You can legally drink from age 5

That doesn’t mean it’s ok!

Laura95167 · 04/08/2025 07:38

Coconutter24 · 04/08/2025 07:28

You can legally drink from age 5

That doesn’t mean it’s ok!

Show quote history

I mean clearly we disagree on that.

My opinion is its legal, all the parents consented and it was two glasses of low % in a supervised environment.

I think alcohol is safer than raping because its more regulated and i think telling kids no alcohol, when we drink it and use it to celebrate and relax and enjoy we make it more exciting than it is.

Im not saying give it to a 5 year old or let the 14 yr neck a load a ltr of vodka but I think by I producing alcohol slowly at home. Especially if its normal for you to have it in the house ams letting them experience it in safety in the long run is sensible.

Coconutter24 · 04/08/2025 07:40

Laura95167 · 04/08/2025 07:38

I mean clearly we disagree on that.

My opinion is its legal, all the parents consented and it was two glasses of low % in a supervised environment.

I think alcohol is safer than raping because its more regulated and i think telling kids no alcohol, when we drink it and use it to celebrate and relax and enjoy we make it more exciting than it is.

Im not saying give it to a 5 year old or let the 14 yr neck a load a ltr of vodka but I think by I producing alcohol slowly at home. Especially if its normal for you to have it in the house ams letting them experience it in safety in the long run is sensible.

Edited

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Raping?
How can you disagree that’s it’s not ok for a 5 year old to drink?

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 07:44

Elizvicky · 03/08/2025 20:34

So lately DD has started to want to go further afield and there have been occasions she has drunk alcohol. She doesn't get drunk drunk bjt I worry about her being out and doing it. Her friends seem to want to go further snd further. Well tonight I felt uneasy about it a few things have happened and I worry about other people.
DD tends to be really honest and said her and her mates were planning to have a drink hence not wanting to stay home.
we agreeed her and her 3 friends could come here listen to music chill in the garden and have 2 glasses of low alcohol lambrini in the garden on the basis all parents knew. This is now happening and they are being great and I asked them to mix with lemonade too bjt can't help but think of done something wrong.

I was 13 and drinking cider and 20/20 and always in trouble being sick or In a vulnerable situation so I'm trying to avoid that whilst allowing a little teenage rebellion. As far as I can see it's legal I just worry I'm gonna have social services turn up now! My neighbour is also an arse so I'm worried he will report!

No alcohol is best. Drinking alcohol shouldn’t be the norm. They should have soft drinks instead. I’ve not read through so I don’t know why your neighbour could report you? Take the stance of health and explain to the kids that there are many good soft drinks. Putting alcohol together with fun times and being sociable is a danger especially at this teen age. Check yourself as well - be alcohol free and have an alcohol free house.

Dramatic · 04/08/2025 07:48

KrisAkabusi · 03/08/2025 20:38

There was a thread yesterday and it was pretty unanimous that it was irresponsible parenting to provide alcohol to a 15 year old.
I think 14 is definitely too young.

It was far from unanimous!

Op I think it's the sensible way to do it, especially with the context that she's already been drinking outside of the house

Original poster

Elizvicky · 04/08/2025 07:50

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 07:44

No alcohol is best. Drinking alcohol shouldn’t be the norm. They should have soft drinks instead. I’ve not read through so I don’t know why your neighbour could report you? Take the stance of health and explain to the kids that there are many good soft drinks. Putting alcohol together with fun times and being sociable is a danger especially at this teen age. Check yourself as well - be alcohol free and have an alcohol free house.

Show quote history

Hi - I don't drink and the house is alcohol free

OP posts:

EasternStandard · 04/08/2025 07:54

Pinkelephantridesagain · 04/08/2025 06:47

Do you find it hard saying no and setting boundaries
What if she wants to have some x ,are you letting that happen at home to.
She's a child ,you set boundaries and say no

Agree.

ButterCrackers · 04/08/2025 07:56

Elizvicky · 04/08/2025 07:50

Hi - I don't drink and the house is alcohol free

Show quote history

That’s a great way to be imho. I would have kept to this and not had the alcohol at the party. Make your place a space for good times without alcohol. I’d say to take it further and explain why you don’t drink.

user1476613140 · 04/08/2025 07:56

Coconutter24 · 04/08/2025 07:40

Raping?
How can you disagree that’s it’s not ok for a 5 year old to drink?

Show quote history

Clearly a typo...

LaundrySpin · 04/08/2025 07:58

SellFridges · 03/08/2025 20:56

It’s fine, most people I know with teens of a similar age would allow this (in fact I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t should their teen ask), and I agree it’s a safer environment than many. I was a bit baffled by the thread yesterday with so much pearl clutching as it’s not my experience at all.

I think it depends on your social circle. Parents offering alcohol from the age of 14 would have been unheard of amongst my kids and their friends. This didn’t happen still much later. But if everybody around you is okay with underage drinking then, then it is your normal, and you view others as clutching pearls.

Anyway, mine didn’t drink till much later. They are now early twenties and are not binge drinkers. There may be a genetic element too perhaps; it’s not that clear cut what leads to alcoholism.

But my kids and their friends didn’t need alcohol in their lives at 14, so maybe I got lucky.

LaundrySpin · 04/08/2025 08:04

mathanxiety · 04/08/2025 03:35

Agree.

It's time to start finding ways of keeping this young girl so busy with extra curricular activities, chores, and studies that she will have no time for all of the mischief (and law breaking) she's getting up to with her loser friends.

Show quote history

I almost think that once a 14-year-old is looking for sex and alcohol etc, the horse has already bolted. Mine were very different at this age and having sexual partners and getting drunk were not even on their radar. I can’t quite exactly remember what they were doing at 14, but it was probably stuff like video games, shopping, music, seeing friends for sport etc. I don’t know if I just got lucky or whether it was us or whether it was their similar peer group that helped or just that they were too busy. Whatever the reason, I am relieved.

RentalWoesNotFun · 04/08/2025 08:14

How much alcohol are they actually drinking? How low is “low alcohol”? (I have no clue as I don’t drink wine).

If it’s so low you can still drive after what, half a glass or whatever they have across the course of two hours, I don’t see the problem. If they get no buzz from it I’d be tempted to swap it out for “no alcohol” wine without saying anything, problem solved….