To let DD14 drink at home

[Elizvicky]

So lately DD has started to want to go further afield and there have been occasions she has drunk alcohol. She doesn't get drunk drunk bjt I worry about her being out and doing it. Her friends seem to want to go further snd further. Well tonight I felt uneasy about it a few things have happened and I worry about other people.
DD tends to be really honest and said her and her mates were planning to have a drink hence not wanting to stay home.
we agreeed her and her 3 friends could come here listen to music chill in the garden and have 2 glasses of low alcohol lambrini in the garden on the basis all parents knew. This is now happening and they are being great and I asked them to mix with lemonade too bjt can't help but think of done something wrong.

I was 13 and drinking cider and 20/20 and always in trouble being sick or In a vulnerable situation so I'm trying to avoid that whilst allowing a little teenage rebellion. As far as I can see it's legal I just worry I'm gonna have social services turn up now! My neighbour is also an arse so I'm worried he will report!

@PInkyStarfish

you do realise OP’s kid is gonna do it regardless?? No parent really wants their teen drinking alcohol but recognise that they are gonna do it anyway so may as well do it in a safe, controlled environment.
can you not remember being a teenager??

I offered her a glass at Xmas and she didn't want to lol. She said she didn't want to just drink for the sake of it but was clear that there's a time she wants to drink with her friends.

im just such a worrier I keep re checking the law

This is all very much "we didn't wear seat belts and we were fine" isn't it? The non functional alcoholics aren't posting on MN.

Actually you will see within my posts I was t fine. I have said where drinking alcohol
took
me - but that was alongside a oarent who said no completely, drinking outside in the community and drinking whatever I could get my hands on rather than a low alcohol. I never got any advise about drinking other than don't it or from my friends who wanted me to do it.

I’m genuinely baffled at the responses on here. If you have so much as a sniff of alcohol more than 3 days a week and mention it on Mumsnet you are classed as ‘alcohol dependent/alcoholic’ As a grown adult.
Yet here we have numerous posts encouraging underage drinking. And not in the ‘French way’ i.e a watered down glass of wine at a special family gathering. Which is how all of my French family drink.
But in an adult ‘let’s sit on the garden and drink just for the hell of it way’
Yes, teenagers drink. But positively condoning it? At 14?
OP I think you’re bonkers and storing up a load of shit for later teenage years by normalising this behaviour so young.

If the OP said the daughter was smoking weed which is universally disliked on MN there would be an entirely different response to this. Sex safe at home is better than in a park too, but very few people would be handing over their king size bed to the kid's at 14. Sometimes you have to parent.

Buy her a couple vapes too op. Better she learns to handle it now

Call social services? Are you ok hun? She's not injecting them with heroin.

Do her friend's parents know that you're giving them alcoholic your house. You've told your dauhter that they have to know, but you haven't said that you have had the conversation with them.

Cats already out of the bag isn’t it. Of course you would prefer she didn’t drink at all but that isn’t realistic so you are being pragmatic and protective, and hopefully you can have decent, non defensive conversations with her about the dangers of alcohol which include being vulnerable to other forms of harm. So important for them to have a handle on this, she will go to parties and there will be alcohol there, you can’t stop it, so you have to try to guide it.

"you ok Hun?"
Ask me if I'm sniffing glue or if I meant to be so rude while you're at it. The only three insults known by MN.

Far more alcoholics than heroin addicts you're right.

Lol 😂

It's legal to drink at home under supervision from the age of five in the UK

When I was 14/15 I would hang out every Saturday at the local place at our town centre ( think field with buildings etc around it, very central) 100-200 people from the ages of what I was to 18-19 would hang out there and we would get the older people to buy us alcohol. Vodka usually like the cheapest you could get. I would lie to my parents and say I was at a sleepover and we would all drink tonnes, go to a party somewhere else , sleep there then go home. The amount of times an ambulance etc came to that place we hung out because a child basically had drank too much and needed their stomach pumping was ridiculous. I often got into really dangerous and scary situations and would be out walking the streets back from a party at the age of 15 at 4 in the morning, my parents thinking I was at a friends house, and was so vulnerable. If it’s that OR the option you are giving I’d take your alternative every time. Obviously the most preferred choice is that they don’t do it at all but that’s not realistic, so I think in this case if she’s still being honest and open I’d keep that communication flowing and I’d allow this. It’s not the best case outcome and obviously no alcohol would be preferred but if she’s already told you she would drink elsewhere, unless you want to keep her in the house indefinitely not seeing anyone, she will do that. So the alternative to ensure she isn’t vulnerable and is safe is to keep it under your roof.

It sounds like your daughter is sensible so I wouldn't be too worried. Between me and my friend we would normally take a bottle or 2 of beer/cider to each other's houses. I had a time I did get very drunk (went in my dads cupboard while he was out), my dad asked if my friend was OK and I didnt get told off, just got told I would learn.
I think your approach is spot on tbh. If things arent hidden and are spoken about its better than her hiding stuff and being unsafe.

She didn't say it wasn't legal or are you making the case for five years olds drinking? Don't want them to be behind their peers.

Agreed

I know a lot more but would probably get banned if I used them.

I'd be concerned about her drinking at 14. I certainly wouldn't be encouraging her to drink at home instead.
Madness.
Just tell her "NO".

I don’t like the idea of encouraging social drinking that young.
I was raised to have a glass of alcohol with a meal occasionally, starting from a sip of cider at 12/13 to a glass of wine in late teens but in the context of special family meals, never drinking without food.

I think making it a massive deal is a disaster, but making the drink the occasion rather than just a component of a nice meal is not something I would encourage.

You’ve mentioned the law, what about her health?

Read that wrong. 🫠

In France children are drinking watered down wine from younger than this.

Hi I actually haven't brought the alcohol the friendd oarent did and I have said that DD can have 2 glasses

My opinion in this has changed over the years. I have children aged 25, 19, 7, 7.

I used to think (with the eldest) I would rather they have the odd drink at home and are safe etc and so she did, I would get them a few ciders etc if they were having a get together from about age 15. I actually now wouldn’t allow it and if I knew they would be drinking alcohol when out with friends I wouldn’t let them go out. It’s poison and it does a lot of damage and being drunk makes you vulnerable to dangers beyond your control so I would be saying no to any of it, probably an unpopular opinion but you have the authority as a parent to say no to alcohol altogether.

I think we have a toxic culture when it comes to alcohol. ‘Ooh it’s gin o’clock’ ‘it’s 5pm somewhere’ ‘I can’t wait to get in and have a glass of wine’ and everyone accepts and encourages it to some degree but replace that with smoking weed or a bit of crack (bit OTT I know) and everyone would warn you of the dangers when actually alcohol can be just as bad if abused.