To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

I agree. That's too close

"controlling and paranoid" really?
How insensitive and offensive of him.
Did he want this baby?

YANBU.

I get he doesn't want to miss the stag do, so I would empathise with that, but it's not a great sign for the future of his parenting that he's willing to make zero sacrifices. Buckle in, OP.

Plus: how are you trying to ruin his life? Does he know that going into labour is unpredictable? Has he not read information or been on a parenting course?

I think he should put you first and stay at home and not moan about it.

A man who says you are "ruining his life" by asking him to prioritise the birth of his first child over a boozy weekend away is neither husband nor father
material. What on earth are you doing with this guy?

He needs to grow up. He's about to be a father. There'll be other weekends away

This x 💯

Jesus Christ the bar for men on here is so low today.

I know plenty of babies that have arrived at 37-38 weeks, if it was 34 weeks that different. But it’s so very common at 38.

Turn the narrative around to him, ‘why do you want to miss the birth of your child, I don’t understand that? And why don’t you want to support me through one of the most difficult things I’ll ever put my body through?’

First babies can absolutely come early where on earth has he heard they don’t? My first was born at 39 weeks after a 3 day labour. I would be packed up and gone by the time he came back from the stag. This is not how marriage is supposed to be. Sorry you’re married to such an idiot.

My first came at 37 weeks! He is being a man-child. Doesnt bode well going forward.

I think I’d be pretty relaxed up to 35/36 weeks but 38 weeks is too late. My first was born at 38+4.

Too close. Mine were both born before 38 weeks!!

He could book it with the high chance he'll have to cancel. You could make the call on the day. Pretty risky though, especially for a first baby. Bit shit too of him! Doesn't bode too well for the future

My husband had completely stopped drinking by the time i was 8 months as i even needed help getting up.

Is your husband kevin the teenager? Ruining his life? He is an adult his choices brought him here he has to be responsible for them.

It's more telling that he wants to go.

You procreated with someone who doesn't really rank you very high in the list of priorities.

Well you need to tell him, a quick google says 26% of babies are born at 38 weeks or earlier. There’s more than a 1 in 5 chance - is he a betting man?

All 3 of mine were early.

They're a bit old for a stag in Ibiza.

The fact he even wants to go is a massive red flag to be honest, to risk missing it! Has he shown signs of selfish or unmoving behaviour before?

You've picked a winner there to have a baby with.

If this is really his best mate, couldn't best mate have the stag do a couple of weeks earlier? I agree with everyone else, terrible that he even wants to go as he's at the very least culpably ignorant, and as for still wanting to go after you've said you're uncomfortable with it... if you're not as prepared as you can be for single parenthood, start preparing now.

Dh’s hours are being changed next week because one bloke is going on paternity leave as his wife is being induced at 36 weeks.

@Featureso At 38 weeks pregnant, your DH should be saying “put your feet up darling, would you like a cup of tea? And I will hang the washing after that.” Are you sure he’s a keeper or does he have form for thinking he always comes first?

First babies are actually more likely to be premature than other babies.

This. I'm concerned about the future, OP, if this is his attitude to you and your/his child.

What a bellend.