To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

I have 6 children, 5 were born between 36 and 38 weeks, the last at 39 weeks.

He helped make this baby he needs to step up and be a husband and father and not try to he 21 again in Ibiza. A group of 34 year olds trying to recreate their youth among 18-25 year olds is a bit desperate IMO.

Both mine were earlier than this. My sister's the same. One needed special care and I'd have been absolute bits without DH there. Make sure you have someone else close by to be your birth partner if needed. It's sad that he's prepared to risk missing the birth of his first child for his best mate.

My births were:

Baby #1 - 36+2 - 4 hours from waters breaking from baby arriving
Baby #2 - 36+5 - 2 hours approx from waters to baby.

Not to say this will happen to you, but first babies can come early and if my husband had been abroad he’d have missed the birth. It happened quickly! It’s not worth the risk, you should be his priority.

But the point is that she isn’t a single mum, she has a husband who she should be able to rely on.

When I was pregnant with my little one I was convinced I'd go over as it was my first baby, planned to work up until my due date, she decided to arrive 38 + 4 in quite traumatic circumstances. Leaving you home alone at 38 weeks is far too risky.

If he does go, could you get your Mum to come to stay?

He’s shown you what he is. Prepare yourself for single parenting.

Tell him if he goes on the stag do and then he will not be allowed at the birth. And mean it.

Blunt and strong but I can't find anything wrong in this post.

I'd insist he drove me to my mum's to stay with her for those four days and pick me up again afterwards so I wasn't left to give birth alone I think.

My mum lives down the road so for me I wouldn't have the same anxiety about giving birth alone. Regardless though, i'd be saying to him going means there's a very high chance he will be missing the birth of his child and leaving his wife to give birth without support from him. Is he willing to do that? Are you willing to tolerate it?

I've had a few friends who chose their mum's as birthing partners anyway over husbands, and that's my birthing plan too, so not being present at the birth isn't a deal breaker for everyone, but you are the one giving birth here so it only matters what you think.

You can't stop him going, but you can tell him the consequences if he does.

Eh? Have they only just booked it? I thought this was something he had booked before you got PG. What the timescales OP?

I had my first at 38 weeks. No way my dh would have left. I cannot believe he’s even considering it.

Realistically you can't stop him
You could show him this thread, or ask your midwife to speak to him. Bottom line he's selfish and this is what your future looks like. Sorry OP

I would probably been all right with mine going on the stag do-although one of the many advantages of being older parents is that he would be unlikely to have wanted to! I would absolutely not have been all right with being spoken to like that.

When someone shows you exactly who they are believe them.
This is so upsetting to read.
I'd be preparing to be a single parent OP.

Sorry you are having a baby with a massive dick. You and the baby come first. If the guy is his best friend, he would understand.

Not likely to happen? It's not at all unlikely. It might be more likely that she won't but that doesn't make it unlikely. Babies are considered full term at 38 weeks - they say it can happen naturally from any time after 37 weeks.

My son was born with spontaneous labour at 38 weeks and he was my first.

Your husband sounds very selfish!

Christ, this man is not ready to be a father. 'Ruining his life'????

I'd honestly just let him go on his stag do because he's never going to prioritise you and the child. You are going to have to be a parent independently of him it seems.

I'm sorry he's a twat, it must be very hurtful.

yanbu, my dh wouldn’t let me lift a finger in the last weeks of my pregnancy, let alone bugger off abroad on a bender. Best mate or not he has his priorities wrong. How far gone are you now op? I found that it didn’t truthfully sink in mine was going to be a father until he felt the baby move and realised it was ‘real’ (I know that sounds daft, but I think men come to terms with it differently and the responsibility doesn’t hit home until later on) which he could be forgiven for… but calling you controlling and ruining his life? Alarm bells. You’ll never forget how he treats you during pregnancy, he’ll ruin his own life if he doesn’t pull his socks up.

He had an orgasm. You will be trying not to die https://www.npeu.ox.ac.uk/mbrrace-uk/data-brief/maternal-mortality-2020-2022

and hoping that your baby doesn’t die https://www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/stillbirth-information-and-support/stillbirth-statistics.

His idea of reality is different to ours. Some blokes get it. Others don’t and it’s fine. Some blokes learn the hard way. But, you know, Ibiza …

So she should let him go with her blessing after he has told her that she is paranoid and controlling and is ruining his life? The stag isn't his brother or even a best friend. It's an old uni mate that he once went travelling with and that he has an occasional drink with. He is willing to risk missing the birth of his child and you think that he should 'get to go out in a carefree manner before he becomes a dad'?

God, the bar is low for some men and their cheerleaders.

Absolutely not!
I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and can’t imagine my boyfriend leaving me for a weekend. He worries leaving me for an hour to go shopping! I am so slow and struggle to do much around the house now for myself, and it’s just nice having him here for support. I have had so many appointments this last week and have more next week, he comes to all of them. I can still drive myself though- is there a reason you won’t be able to?
I feel really sad for you that he’s behaving this way and accusing you of controlling him etc. I hope he sees sense!

And another thing, if he does go I wouldn’t even let him know if you do go into labour, and I wouldn’t let him know that his child has been born he can find that information out on his return, I wouldn’t be there in labour being anxious thinking will he make it back in time.

That's way too close.

My first arrived 3 days early. My sil's first arrived 3 and a half weeks early.