To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

I was told my baby would be late because it was my first & a boy...he came spontaneously at 37+5

I get the whole FOMO thing, I can imagine it would be a great trip away with great memories but he can arrange a trip another time to make up for it, he will only get to be there for the birth of his first child once. And pretty selfish of him to potentially let you go through birth alone, I had an episiotomy and was in alot of pain I really needed my partners help alot the first few days after birth

My first was 37 plus 3. Utterly selfish of your DH to even contemplate going away.

At least he’s shown his true colours

lower your expectations bow. He’s going to be fucking usess

however, ar 38 weeks you can live a faurly normal life. I worked until 38 weeks. Drove on my due date. I was more tired and struggled to put on socks but otherwise normal

No, he is acting immature and selfish.
I'd leave the choice to him, reminding him, that every action has consequences, if he's prepared to be single again.

Why is that relevant?

Guessing it’s all booked and can’t be moved, but going a bit earlier would have been fine. How can he want to risk missing the biggest ‘event’ in his life, not to mention not being there to support you? Just a huge red flag @Featureso

I am a little bit confused. His mate is booking a last minute trip to Ibiza in the next few weeks as it is August now? Hardly been planned properly and your DH has zero responsibility to go at this late notice. Seems really weird that he would even want to go. If the mate is such a good friend he can plan the stag do to work around your DH and keep it more local.

I would think he could go for 1 or two nights on condition that he is on standby and ready to travel home at any stage. If it's his best mates stag and his last hurrah before fatherhood I can see why not going is a big deal. Most likely you'll be sitting at home resenting each other for a few weeks if he doesn't go. I suspect I'm in the minority here but that's what I'd do.

My first baby was born at 38 weeks. Your husband is being a selfish dick.

I make it clear how I felt, but wouldn’t stop him going or cry or fight for him to stay home. I would leave it as his decision.

If he actually went, it would tell me what I needed to know and I would end the relationship.

What’s the plan in Ibiza? Is he going to throw a stripper or two into the mix to further emphasise what a great partner and future dad he is

"He’s not usually like this. He came to all the scans, helped paint the nursery, and was the one talking names before I was ready. So this has totally blindsided me. He says it’s his “last chance” to do something fun before becoming a dad - like I’m dragging him into prison."

That's the easy stuff though - when it's all hypothetical and not the exhausting grind of actually parenting a small human. His lack of care about what it really means to you - the one doing the heavy, dangerous lifting of bringing a child into the world - is just dreadful.

I'd tell him to go. It may be the last time he gets to go out in a carefree manner before he becomes a dad. It may be very difficult once the baby arrives to go away like this, and his mate is only getting married once (he hopes!).
It's only four days, I'm sure you have support available to you, but just to reiterate, it's just four days - he'll be back before you know it!

Imagine even wanting to go on a bender with the boys and risk missing the birth of your child! He’s an immature selfish prick.

I’m usually quite chill about these things but that’s too close for a trip abroad. You’re not unreasonable!

But she can't drive and has nobody on hand if she goes into labour. How fast do you really imagine he can get back?

It’s not just about the birth. I had SO many appointments and visits to the hospital by 38 weeks. With my first pregnancy I remember going 5 out of 7 days. There are a lot of complications that can develop that late on (sorry to add to your anxiety).

You will need him for practical and possibly emotional support.

I think this is a lose-lose. If he stays home he will be grumpy and if he goes and you don’t have the baby at that time, he will say ‘told you so’.

Give him the final say and then you can decide how you want to proceed based on his decision. (Ie if he goes then you know for sure he is selfish and irresponsible).

You cannot stop him but he gave you a first strong taste of what parenting will look moving forward. This won't bode well for the future but you are where you are. Do you have support in RL if you go into labour early?

Let it slide (it's not going to make any difference to him how you feel and he has made clear that neither you or the baby are his priorities but partying) What an utter selfish arsehole.

This.

He's completely dismissing your feelings, it's not "nothing" it's the birth of your first child.
Let him go. Get a neighbour and a friend to be on call. Tell your midwife team what the situation is. Get your bag packed.
This would be a deal breaker for me. His cruel, offensive language, his dismissal of your concerns and the birth of your first child. What a horrible man.

I drove myself to hospital at 38 weeks. Had DS1 by EMCS with about an hour’s notice. It’s way too late for him to go to Ibiza.

I agree. Both my babies came a week early. As it happens my selfish ex had gone off on a boys spree and arrived quite drunk for babies birth.

He says that you are 'trying to ruin his life'? How old is he? That is something a five year old or a stroppy teenager would say. He sounds too childish and immature to have a baby. I doubt he'll be supportive when the baby is here, given his current attitude.

I think you need to seek other sources of help and support during labour and post-partum as he didn't seem capable of behaving like supportive husband and father.

I had my DS1 at 37 weeks. My DH had been out for dinner and drinks that night as his oldest friend was moving to Australia and that was bad enough as I had to drive us to hospital when my waters broke as he would have been over the limit.

At best he is naive and possibly a bit scared and trying to hang on to his ‘old life’ a bit longer. Might be getting a lot of peer pressure too.
At worst he’s not going to be a good partner or father.
mid be tempted to let him go and be prepared to do this on your own. I feel he will hold it against you and you will be seen as stopping him having fun.
I would ask your mum to come down the day he leaves and be there with you.
if he takes you up in the offer I would seriously be prepared to separate if his actual parenting when the baby arrived did not improve.