Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

[OneWarmHazelQuail]

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

I have multiple DC and unfortunately when I'm solo parenting this happens. I think 3 is a "safe enough" age. As long as the water isn't too high and he is only gone for a second or 2. Any child under 2/2.5 would be an instant no. Stay with them at all times x

Less than a minute, completely fine, unless DC is actively trying to climb out or something like that.

At 3, I think that's fine. But only for a moment or two, certainly no longer than a minute

Probably wouldn’t go downstairs but to grab towel etc is fine imo.

Can you compromise and make him get your child to sing to him/tell him a story, so he knows he's ok?

I agree, towel from cupboard is just about ok, downstairs for water is a bit longer.

It also depends on the child. Our DD is 3 and treats the bath how most people would treat a full-blown water park. We know she’s happy and safe by the hysterical screeching - we could hear her from three houses down and know she’s fine tbh

Ive been wondering this myself. Could DC right themselves if they slipped over and went under? Is it genuinely only a few seconds?

Why would he need to go downstairs for a glass of water?

Grab something from a cupboard or next door absolutely fine.

Your H is a prat. My friend left his kid, of a similar age. to get a towel. The child drowned. He came back and found her face down in the water. He called 999 and they helped him do CPR until the ambulance came. Thankfully, the resuscitated her. They don't know what, if any, deficit she will have. They nearly lost her. For what? Piss poor organisation. Tell him to get his shit together.

At 3yo I think that's fine. I used to get DD to sing me a song at that age if I had to nip out to grab a towel or something while she was in the bath. If I could hear her I knew she was fine!

At 3 years old, I think it’s entirely reasonable to leave for a very short time.

I used to do this. If you’ve got more than 1 kid it’s pretty hard to sit there to watch for the entirety. Pottering around, keeping an eye, listening out for them singing/ chattering away.
He’s only gone a min or two?

At 3 I would leave my oldest DS in the bath whilst I was dressing his baby brother in the bedroom opposite but I would either chat to him or have him sing a song to me so I could hear that he was ok. I still do the same now that he’s 4.5 years.

Fine to leave a 3 year old for a few seconds, or to be a few seconds away where you can hear them playing happily, but no, not downstairs.

I have a friend who was left in the bath when she was nearly three. Her mum went to answer the phone (at a time when there were only landlines) and my friend turned on the hot tap.

She was able to stand up, but not get out of the water and as a result her feet were very badly scarred.

Drowning isn't the only risk.

Few seconds to grab a towel - fine

Going downstairs - no. And to get a glass of water, ffs, that can wait!

My son is 3, pretty sensible as far as 3 years go and he slipped in the bath recently. I'm not sure if he would have righted himself as I picked him straight up but he got a bang on the head and slipped under the water, which frightened the life out of him and me. It only takes seconds for an accident.

I had a colleague whose two small children drowned in the bath in these kind of circumstances. I can’t remember exact age - maybe 18 months and three? One of those “I was only gone a couple of seconds” things, but both went under. Horrific. As a result I never left DC unattended until 4

What happens if he goes downstairs, the phone rings and he forgets?

Getting in/out of the tub is risky for anyone and kids do things impulsively. Mine recently turned the hot water on and put arm under it while I was brushing my teeth.

God no. Not until 5 in my opinion and even then I was always close by.

No. It’s not ok to go downstairs. I am a single mum and I never did this, and I have two dc a year apart. Just no.

what’s so important about a glass of water??

It’s not a couple of seconds though. It’s not ok at all.

The worst bit is that he is not listening to you, and your feelings are correct.

DD is 3.5 and I have been going in and out now for about 6months. I go between the bathroom and her bedroom opposite- putting washing away, tidying up etc. she loves a long bath 30mins+ and it’s very uncomfortable to sit on the toilet lid the whole time!

Agree with others, a few seconds to get a towel from the cupboard would be ok from age 3 (not younger) but definitely not going downstairs. I bathe all the DC (3 little ones) separately when I’m doing bathtime/bedtime solo. This is so I don’t have to leave anyone in the bath while I sort the other one. You have to be organised about it and think ahead.