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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

237 replies

OneWarmHazelQuail · 31/07/2025 20:43

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

OP posts:
Baby26 · 31/07/2025 21:40

As a parent to a 3 year old, I think it's fine. My son is of an age he's able to right himself if he slips. If I ever go to grab something though, I'm always in earshot - I listen and make sure I can hear him playing, and I will keep talking to him too.

Eenameenadeeka · 31/07/2025 21:41

A towel from the cupboard outside the bathroom, okay (I always try to get the towel first) but downstairs absolutely not

PinkPonyClubb · 31/07/2025 21:43

@OneWarmHazelQuail I think some of these replies are insane. It takes less than a minute to drown. Your husband is being v.v.v unreasonable.

Cuwins · 31/07/2025 21:45

MrsSunshine2b · 31/07/2025 21:37

It depends to an extent on the child. At 3, DD was perfectly fine to sit in the bath for a while by herself. It was at about that age that I started sitting in the next room whilst she played with her toys. I don't see why a healthy, normally developed 3 yo would get themselves face down in the bath and not just get up.

Also, from the age of about 12 months she's talked and sang in a constant stream from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. In fact, she even talks in her sleep sometimes. If she went quiet I would have noticed immediately.

This is my daughter!

Tigergirl80 · 31/07/2025 21:46

Depends on child I still can’t with mine they have SEN and epilepsy. When ds was around that age he would lie on his front and kick his legs like crazy. The bathroom used to be absolutely sodden.

Blessedbethefruitz · 31/07/2025 21:46

Page 3 already and no one has suggested he drink from the tap?

No - i wouldn't go downstairs (I'm in a flat so don't need to though). I would leave the room for a few seconds, but not a minute. Accidents happen, sensible as my 3yo is, she could easily slip or scald herself if she dropped a toy overboard or tried to add more water etc. Kids do silly things.

Nchangeo · 31/07/2025 21:46

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GulliaumeDuc · 31/07/2025 21:47

Maybe not downstairs, depending on your house, but nipping out very briefly to grab a towel is probably fine.

Vintagefair · 31/07/2025 21:48

Cogsworthy · 31/07/2025 21:37

Yes, because we’re not buying into the bizarre notion that everything that could ever possibly cause harm must be avoided.

My DN was four when he choked on a piece of cucumber and ended up in hospital. I don’t avoid cucumber, nor would any other sane parent.

I’ve known children die in car accidents when the driver was driving safely and they were strapped into car seats. We don’t avoid driving.

DH broke his wrist on a trampoline when he was a child. We still have one.

I’m allergic to penicillin. I don’t say my children can’t have it in case they have an allergic reaction and need hospital (or worse).

People own dogs, walk alongside (and, gasp, even cross) roads, eat all kinds of food (including junk food and sugar), we let them play with toys… all these things that can and do, very rarely, cause harm or death or injury. Yet all are completely normal and reasonable.

It’s not reasonable and proportionate to act like there being a very small risk of harm means it’s unsafe and shouldn’t be done.

Some of these posts are absurd. You can’t leave them to go downstairs in case you fall on the stairs and knock yourself unconscious but what if you slip on the wet bathroom floor and knock yourself unconscious? Is that better?

Show quote history

This is a very sad story that makes your lack of caution and dismissive attitude sound quite heartless. https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/sep/03/3

Children drowned after mother hit head on bath

A young mother told an inquest yesterday how her two daughters drowned in seven inches of water after she slipped and hit her head while bathing them.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/sep/03/3

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/07/2025 21:48

It's incredibly foolish and only because he thinks it will never be his child that drowns.

He needs to be organised and have everything he needs, he can also wait to have a drink until his son is out of the bath.

Cuwins · 31/07/2025 21:48

It does depend on the child a lot. I do leave the room and am in the room opposite with all the doors open with my daughter- she has never shown any sign of wanting to try to climb out herself and generally has to be convinced to get out after 30mins but I would not with my friends son who is likely to take the opportunity to try to scale the walls like Spider-Man or something!

Spinachpastapicker · 31/07/2025 21:49

I don’t know about your house but it certainly would take me longer than one minute to come downstairs, walk through to the kitchen at the back, get a glass from cupboard, fill and make the return journey. I say chinny reckon to any claims it’s less than a minute.

And with things like this, it has a habit of “spreading”. Oh he was fine when I grab a towel. Oh he was fine when I went downstairs to get a drink. Oh he’ll be fine if I just check my phone. Oh he’s fine if I watch 5 minutes of telly … and so on. Until it’s not fine.

A neighbour’s kid when I was growing up got badly burned turning on the hot tap while left alone “just for a minute”.

I didn’t leave my DS ever until he was 5. Even then I was only a few steps away at most.

ShesTheAlbatross · 31/07/2025 21:50

I wouldn’t go downstairs but would be totally fine going into the next room to get a towel while continuing to talk to her so can hear her responding.

I also think layout of the bathroom is relevant. At our old house, you could see the whole bath from any of the bedroom doors, so sticking my head out of the bedroom meant I could always immediately see. So I could get a towel, stick head out of door, go and get pyjamas, stick head out of door. In our current house, you can’t see any of the bath until you’ve gone into the bathroom and round the door. Being further away from my sight line, even if not physically further away, would make me more cautious and I wouldn’t step out of the room for as long.

Eerrnohun · 31/07/2025 21:54

pyjamalife · 31/07/2025 20:49

Can you compromise and make him get your child to sing to him/tell him a story, so he knows he's ok?

This is pretty much what I do. Doesn’t happen often but if I need to pop out the bathroom I make sure I can hear words coming out his mouth the entire time.

PerplexedConfusedBewildered · 31/07/2025 21:58

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BleuBeans · 31/07/2025 22:00

This doesn’t sound like a one off of I forgot the towel though and sounds like they’re doing it regularly. There’s no reason it can’t be part of preparing the bath routine of running it and grabbing everything you need at the same time before the child goes in. Also, a bath doesn’t exactly take long, he can put his son’s needs before his own and just hang fire for a glass of water. If I was that desperate, I’d use my hand with the sink tap - I’d rather not take that risk

BlueRin5eBrigade · 31/07/2025 22:01

OhHellolittleone · 31/07/2025 21:36

So what age is safe? I’m not sure scare stories are that helpful.

Show quote history

I think 5 and over.

Having looked it up the figures apparently in the UK, approximately 3-4 babies under the age of one year drown in bathtubs each year. This seem to be due to lack of supervision and / or bath seat malfunction. A total of 13 children under the age of five die from drowning annually in the UK, with one in four of these deaths occurring in the bath.

The figures aren't as high as I expected. However, it's totally preventable and as a parent you would never forgive yourself. It's so tragic for everyone involved.

My friend had a near miss. They don't know if there will be any long term damage. His partner left him. She wouldn't let him have his kids unsupervised for ages. It took him a long time to rebuild the trust again. They coparent okay now.

goingtotown · 31/07/2025 22:03

A lot can happen in a minute.

IsItatrashmarriage · 31/07/2025 22:03

ridiculous. It is like he has got dementia and cannot prepare few towels and her pj laid out on the bed and the hairdryer , how difficult is this

Gloriia · 31/07/2025 22:04

PinkPonyClubb · 31/07/2025 21:43

@OneWarmHazelQuail I think some of these replies are insane. It takes less than a minute to drown. Your husband is being v.v.v unreasonable.

This!

Omg how hard is it to have an actual towel in the bathroom and to have a drink from the tap in said bathroom. He's crazy, 3yr olds should not be left unattended in a bath the absolute halfwit.

youalright · 31/07/2025 22:04

I think grabbing a towel is ok going downstairs i dont agree with. I use to get mine to sing why I grabbed things.

TSMWEL · 31/07/2025 22:04

I’d be more worried about them turning on the hot tap or trying to climb out and hitting their head than straight forward drowning, plus at that age I had a 3 and 2yo who I bathed together so just didn’t trust them not to drown each other. I did leave the room to get a towel or pjs but would never have gone downstairs as it was just too far.

SilkCottonTree · 31/07/2025 22:04

Vintagefair · 31/07/2025 21:31

So often I find the vote doesn't tally with the comments on MN.

I think in this case the title of the OP doesn't match the contents so if people are voting without reading the whole OP, of course it's fine to leave a child for a few seconds. But the the OP clearly describes a situation (going downstairs to get a glass of water) that is more than a few seconds so that's probably why the votes don't match the comments..

Barnbrack · 31/07/2025 22:05

incognitomouse · 31/07/2025 21:15

I've gone downstairs to grab something. Like a PP has said, my DS is so noisy you can hear him wherever you are. He also likes at least 30-45 mins in the bath so I use that time to tidy up his bedroom or put his laundry away.

Surely you're not leaving a 3 yr old for 44 mins

herbalteabag · 31/07/2025 22:05

I left the room for that amount of time to get things. It was a long time ago but could generally hear them playing.

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