Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

[OneWarmHazelQuail]

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

I wouldn’t however go downstairs. We are in a flat so I can move around without being far from her at all

I've gone downstairs to grab something. Like a PP has said, my DS is so noisy you can hear him wherever you are. He also likes at least 30-45 mins in the bath so I use that time to tidy up his bedroom or put his laundry away.

The issue isn’t always the kid being unattended it’s what can happen to you. What if in his rush to get a drink he tripped on the stairs and couldn’t get back up to your child.

No not ok.
I have ran into the bedroom before to grab a towel when my 3 year old in the bath but that's about it. They shouldn't be left for a second in water, it's just not safe.

Call me paranoid but at that age I wouldn’t nip downstairs whilst they were in the bath in case I fell.

Have to agree ! It’s not with the risk.
Sorry about your friends child , hope they will be ok x

I did leave him sporadically at that age to tidy his room, get his pyjamas etc. But DS played with his boats and the bubbles and was very noisy. And the water barely came over the tops of his legs when he was sat down.

I don't think I went downstairs though.

I fell running from the bathroom to the front door. I was cleaning the shower when the door bell rang. My feet were wet and I slipped on the wooden floor in the hall. Luckily I didn't knock myself out but it made me realise how quickly and easily something can go wrong.

The issue as I see it is that it is easy to get distracted, for example when he is downstairs there is a knock on the door etc.

Grab a towel - yes.
Why on earth does he need to be going downstairs? What could he possibly need to do there (in under a minute) that is so important?

Turn away for a towel - fine.

Go downstairs for anything - not fine

Your DH is an adult - surely he can get everything he needs organised before putting your child in the bath? A child this young shouldn't be left alone in the bath, even for a minute.

Spot on. Yet 40% of mothers have voted it is alright to leave a 3 yo in the bath. Unbelievable.

So often I find the vote doesn't tally with the comments on MN.

But what are the other two doing? I think people must have enormous bathrooms or something.

Both children drowned?? That would really be very unusual, unless the carer was gone for a while.

Genuine question - what is wrong with leaving for a few seconds (not trying to be inflammatory genuinely asking for myself!). Even if child slips under if it’s genuinely under 5 seconds eg grabbing a towel from hook, turning around to grab toy etc is there a drowning risk within 5 seconds?

Noted on risks re turning on the hot tap and getting scolded/potentially banging head.

So what age is safe? I’m not sure scare stories are that helpful.

Absolutely not OK, I would say. An accident could take seconds.

Why the heck does this man need a glass of water that badly - how long does the bath last??

It depends to an extent on the child. At 3, DD was perfectly fine to sit in the bath for a while by herself. It was at about that age that I started sitting in the next room whilst she played with her toys. I don't see why a healthy, normally developed 3 yo would get themselves face down in the bath and not just get up.

Also, from the age of about 12 months she's talked and sang in a constant stream from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. In fact, she even talks in her sleep sometimes. If she went quiet I would have noticed immediately.

To grab a towel or something quick whilst staying within earshot (and having DC sing or something so you know they’re ok) I think is fine at 3. I wouldn’t be going downstairs or to grab drinks or anything like that though until they’re at least 5.

Yes, because we’re not buying into the bizarre notion that everything that could ever possibly cause harm must be avoided.

My DN was four when he choked on a piece of cucumber and ended up in hospital. I don’t avoid cucumber, nor would any other sane parent.

I’ve known children die in car accidents when the driver was driving safely and they were strapped into car seats. We don’t avoid driving.

DH broke his wrist on a trampoline when he was a child. We still have one.

I’m allergic to penicillin. I don’t say my children can’t have it in case they have an allergic reaction and need hospital (or worse).

People own dogs, walk alongside (and, gasp, even cross) roads, eat all kinds of food (including junk food and sugar), we let them play with toys… all these things that can and do, very rarely, cause harm or death or injury. Yet all are completely normal and reasonable.

It’s not reasonable and proportionate to act like there being a very small risk of harm means it’s unsafe and shouldn’t be done.

Some of these posts are absurd. You can’t leave them to go downstairs in case you fall on the stairs and knock yourself unconscious but what if you slip on the wet bathroom floor and knock yourself unconscious? Is that better?

Completely fine! Have you not done swim lessons?

Yeah, it’s very common in made-up stories.

I remember reading about Jeremy Hunt's sister drowning in a bath - the nanny seemed to have left a two year old and a ten month old in a bath together. So so tragic.