Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

[OneWarmHazelQuail]

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

Absolutely horrified by the voting and the comments on this thread.

Of course it is not okay to leave the bathroom

There has been plenty of times where my over adventurous toddler slipped from sitting position and got a face full of water. That’s with nonslip bath mats. Because I’m there it’s not been a problem but if I wasn’t there.

1. Shock/panic could make it harder to right herself.
2. Head banging would be more likely without a swift arm scooping her up.

I can remember as a child (4 or 5) falling into a pond at the park and flailing around in absolute panic. My mum, who had my baby brother in the pram, didn’t move to get me. It was probably a short amount of time but felt like ages. She was fuming (everyone in the park was staring at us) and demanded I stand up. Turned out the pond was only knee deep.

It’s hard to make rational decisions in a panic, more so for a child.

Yes, and I also knew a) the layout of my own upstairs and b) what my daughter was doing at all times. If some things had been different, then my decisions would have been different. That's how it works.

Husband needs to think a bit more and get a glass of water,towel ect first.

I sometimes pop into my 3 year olds room (right next door to bathroom) to get something I’ve forgotten. Although I only do this if I have to, like I’ve forgotten her towel or her eczema cream, not just to get a drink I want, that can wait. But I always get her to sing something so I know she’s ok (she sings all day everyday so it’s an easy way to make sure she’s fine).

Id never go downstairs though - you can’t hear them and it’s too far.

He is being very irresponsible.

I’ve known two 3 year olds that came very close to losing their lives due to being left unattended.

I don't believe for a minute these stories where the parents left the room for 2 minutes and came back to a dead child.

No they didn't, I'm sure they said that's what happened, but no 3 yo is suddenly falling face first into the water and drowning in 2 minutes, or banging their head hard enough to be knocked unconscious, without the parent hearing.

I'd put money on the parent having left the room and been out of earshot for some time, long enough for the child to get tired and bored, possibly try to climb out of the bath or fall asleep with exhaustion.

What a cock. It’s not who the glass is for that counts ffs.

I think some people that vote just read the thread title. A few seconds is NOT the same as going downstairs away from a very young child. The majority of comments are saying no it’s not acceptable.

No, not even for a moment. Children can drown so quickly.

My son has never been out of my eyeshot while in the bath. My mother in law told me she used to leave the kids upstairs in the bath unattended just casually during conversation and it lessened my opinion of her. I’m not especially anxious as a l mum but I do come from a medical family and there’s some stuff you just don’t take risks on

I've had to do this before. I get ds to sing and talk to me if I'm out of the room so I can hear he's OK and it really would be seconds. Probably wouldn't go downstairs for a glass of water or leave for anything that could wait but a towel yes. Ds likes to run as soon as he gets out and wet speedy feet on wood isn't safe either.

Is it really that difficult to just get the things he needs before putting your child in the Bath? There’s no need to nip out of the bathroom during bath time, just nip and get the things he needs in advance! Why take the risk?

Shouldn't this say "nearly drowned"?

Reading "The child drowned" was a shocker and shook me up a bit.

Hope the DC will be ok but don't over dramatise please.

I'm really surprised so many parents think it's OK - a small child can so easily slip and end up face down. It's not hard to have the towel already in the bathroom, and if you do have to leave the bathroom for any reason, take the kid out of the bath and bring them with you.

If you have other small kids, they go in the bath too, or they play in the bathroom with you.

I grew up in the 80s, where child safety was very lax, and no way would my mum have left me and my brother alone in the bath for a second.

And I'm a single parent of two, I managed to stay in the bathroom with them while they were little - it's only for 15 minutes before bed.

OP I couldn't agree more with you.

That's exactly what my dc did very recently (posted upthread). 😳
They're so impulsive and unable to judge risk.

Both of these things are needed after / during bath anyway - why can’t he have them ready in advance?

I hate discussing this, but it's important people take the risk seriously so I guess we need to. It can take less than two minutes to have a very serious drowning incident, including sometimes death. Smaller children have smaller lungs.

Plus there are negative effects from non-fatal drowning incidents, parents wouldn't want their kid to have a non-fatal car accident, so why risk a non-fatal drowning incident?

All fine until your husband trips going up or down the stairs and knocks himself unconscious, leaving your 3 year old alone and in the bath. Why doesn’t he take the towel and glass of water upstairs before the bath? He’s not listening to you. I would be letting him do bathtime any more.

According to at least one reputable site, it only takes 20 seconds and a few centimetres of water for a child to drown. Babies and toddlers are at a higher risk of drowning as they do not understand the dangers of water and are top-heavy, so they cannot always lift themselves out of water when they fall – no matter how shallow it is.

Then he gets out of another job, which men like to do don't they?

Then it’s a ‘can you wait for a drink until after your bath’. If that’s a no, ‘ok bath times over, let’s pull the plug out, get out and get a drink’

No. Your DH needs to get into the habit of making sure he has whatever he needs, in the bathroom, before your child is in the bath. The fact he'd rather take a risk like this than get himself organised is worrying.

i wouldnt go downstairs, i used to tidying the airing cupboard but really take it as an opportunity to have a break!
not worth the risk,
drowning,
scalding

I leave my 3, nearly 4yo for little bits. After washing he loves to play for ages so he has very shallow water and I get on with bits in the kitchen right next to the bathroom

I can't see him so I check in very frequently and also get him to sing/talk to me so I know he is ok

If you have the type of shower cubicle where the controls are up high perhaps get your husband to consider using the shower instead. It’s what I did with my kids and it worked well.