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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

262 replies

ForPeachDreamer · 30/07/2025 16:43

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

OP posts:
CosyAutumn · 30/07/2025 16:48

I’d want him to be happy, whatever that might look like. If I had time before I died to have conversations about these things, I’d give my blessings and encouragement. My only stipulation would be that a new partner would be need to be kind, supportive, loving and empathetic towards our child.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 30/07/2025 16:50

I'd want DP to find someone new. She'd be lonely by herself, she had a couple of nights on her own a few years ago when me and DD went away and she was going stir crazy by night 3. She'd loathe living alone.

She on the other hand would want me to stay single forever. She's said so, and she means it too. She's not been particularly impressed with either her Dad or my StepDad when they've started dating again after our Mums died. Sod that though, I've told her there's no way I'm living the rest of my life single should she pop her clogs.

PercyPigInAWig · 30/07/2025 16:51

DH and I were together many years before we had DC and I always said yes, definitely, please find someone new and be happy. Children complicate that though as I think blending families in general is difficult and when they have lost a parent even more so. I would expect him to prioritise DC over finding a new relationship. If I were widowed I wouldn’t be open to dating again while DC are young. I would also want to protect their inheritance so probably wouldn’t marry again even if they were older.

I suppose I’m all for people moving on and finding new love if only adults are involved.

stayathomegardener · 30/07/2025 16:51

I would want DH to be happy but more importantly not targeted by anyone for his assets.
For that reason we have a trust in place which will at least protect 50% of assets for our DD.

MaisyMary77 · 30/07/2025 16:52

I’d definitely want him to meet someone else and be happy. I wouldn’t want him to remarry though as I’d worry about the kids inheritance.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/07/2025 16:52

I'd want him to be happy.

JMSA · 30/07/2025 16:53

Nope. I’d want his life to be a misery fest.
Disclaimer: I am single

problemsinthemind · 30/07/2025 16:53

I’ll be very honest I wouldn’t want him to and the thought of it makes me upset

Wingedharpy · 30/07/2025 16:54

He beat me to it sadly😪

stichguru · 30/07/2025 16:54

Whatever would make him happy. I don't think you know until it happens.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/07/2025 16:55

I'd like him to move on eventually, I'd hope he would support and concentrate on raising the children through grieving, education, every day things.
If the children were adults then I wouldn't mind him moving on sooner

ForZanyAquaViewer · 30/07/2025 16:55

Not fussed. I’d be dead. 🤣

If he did remarry, I’d strongly prefer for it to be after DC are adults, though. Ditto cohabiting. My mother was a stepmother, and the way she treated my siblings was truly vile. There are obviously lovely step-parents, but I just would prefer he not risk it. But, again, I’d be dead.

RuthChrisSt · 30/07/2025 16:56

Truthfully, no. We have discussed this, neither of us would want this. I don't see myself needing to marry again to be happy.

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/07/2025 16:57

Once the children are grown up, he can do what he likes.

If he were to die, I wouldn’t have a serious relationship while the children were still young.

romdowa · 30/07/2025 16:58

No not while our children are small. I'd hate the thought of being replaced in their world

LBFseBrom · 30/07/2025 16:59

Yes I would have wanted him to - if he wanted to of course - and said so but he died six years ago. I wouldn't want to live with anyone again.

AuntMarch · 30/07/2025 16:59

I would be dead, my opinion beyond the grave shouldn't stop anyone doing whatever they think is right for the family.
I think many rush into marrying again when there are children involved though. Date by all means, but losing a parent young is traumatic enough without another upheaval a couple of years later!

GardenGaff · 30/07/2025 16:59

DH and I have agreed we will not remarry. I’d love him to find happiness again, but marriage - nope.

I don’t think I’d ever even want to live with anyone ever again tbh.

Even with the way we’ve set up our wills and trusts in place, etc, we’ve both agreed we will never risk our DS’ inheritance going to anyone other than him by remarrying.

Boomer55 · 30/07/2025 17:00

If you love someone, you want them to be happy after you’ve gone.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/07/2025 17:00

Young children definitely change the situation.
I'd hate anyone to feel resentful towards them for being alive.
It is confusing enough losing one parent without sharing the other.

MageQueen · 30/07/2025 17:01

I would have no problem with him meeting and marrying again in due course, but I would worry a bit about the DC and how they would feel and if he could manage that well.

Ponderingwindow · 30/07/2025 17:01

Get a girlfriend and have her move into a house next door. I don’t want him to remarry or legally cohabitate because I want the money I have worked so hard to save to go to our child if there is anything left over at the end of his life.

I have no qualms about a new romantic relationship, but his sole economic partnership should be with me.

SoftPillow · 30/07/2025 17:01

I would want my DH to be happy. I know that he’s likely to remarry.

I am absolutely certain that she would be much better than me in all ways, I’m generally a bit shit and I’m sure I’m a secret disappointment to him. I certainly disappoint myself.

I’d hope my children would remember me fondly but be happy with her too.

Lostworlds · 30/07/2025 17:03

I always joke that I’d haunt my dh but realistically I’d want him to do what’s best for him. I wouldn’t want him to spend the rest of his life lonely. My main stipulation would be our children and making sure he always puts them first. It would depend of the ages of our children.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 30/07/2025 17:04

My DH and have talked about this and both have said we give each other the blessing to meet someone else.

We love each other deeply and have an insanely good happy marriage, but ultimately if I go first and my DH is lonely and miserable and wants to find someone to share the rest of his days with, then he knows I would be happy for him to do that, and vice versa.

But I guess no-one knows truly how you will feel until it happens, and what you would want.

Ultimately, I would just want my DH to be happy and to not live out the rest of his days pining for me. I want him to find a way to live a content life for whatever time he has left, so however he finds that, is up to him.