To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

[ForPeachDreamer]

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

As long as our adult DC's inheritance was protected I'd have no problem with him moving on, and I think he'd say the same thing.

Wouldn't know, so wouldn't care!

I'd want him to be happy and I'm fairly confident that no-one else would have him so he'll have to be happy on his own!

I want him to be happy. It’s not for me to control how he lives his life when I’m not there.

Most people think well you’re gone and that’s it, life goes on. But I feel a bit weird about it, I don’t think he should be unfaithful to me just because I’ve died 😄 it’s a double blow, something happened to me then he’s just gone off with someone else to add insult to injury?! I’ve got a 10 year old and wouldn’t want some woman living with him, I don’t believe in ‘step families’, I wouldn’t either mostly because of this. I’m convinced if there was a new man hanging around, he’d want my son out of the way, he’d fancy my daughter and he’d be after my money.

I'd absolutely want my wife to find someone else. And I'm sure she easily could. But only when I'm dead!!

I'm a little less comfortable about my child calling someone else Daddy but... again ultimately only her happiness matters.

I have a wonderful DH. We have both said that when one of us dies, we'd want the other to move on and find happiness and companionship again. The caveat is that we have agreed that whatever assets we have must be preserved for our DC and not for any subsequent partner or family. That's more of a concern for me, really, because the majority of our assets are from me and my family, so should only go to the children of our marriage.

Whatever makes him happy, life is for the living

That is mad.

You're insane.

If your husband found a new relationship after you died he wouldn't be being unfaithful! Ever heard of the words "Till death us do part"?

A lot will think like this. Lot of truth in that post of JoBrandscleaner!

Really? That seems a pretty unusual view point to me.

I don’t know anyone who would consider a windower re-marrying “unfaithful”

Yeah it's that that's nuts, wariness of step parents is a different story to me

We are older, my DH is 71, I am younger but not in good health. Realistically we may each live another 10 years but not necessarily. With that in mind - no I wouldn't want my DH to find somebody else. I wouldn't want anybody else if he went before me.

I know it sounds selfish.

I’d want him to be happy, but not to love her more than he loved me :-)

This is a live issue with us as I have stage 4 cancer. We don’t have kids. I’ve asked him not to remarry. Fine to have another partner and live with them etc but I don’t want some other woman getting my money if he dies before her! Currently once we are both dead it’s split between siblings and I want to know my brother will still benefit.

Sorry about your diagnosis , surely better to leave a will with your half of the house to your db? More secure than forbidding marriage.

Put it in a will. I'm so so sorry about your diagnosis. 💐

I’m so sorry about your diagnosis.

you may need to look into whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common & if you are joint tenants you need to formally sever that or the whole house will automatically go to your husband.
you need to see a solicitor to advise you.

Yes I really do know, if we were to divorce now I don't want to marry or even live with anyone again ever & for me it would be no different if my husband died before me, I would choose to be alone, being alone wouldn't be lonely for me, I enjoy my own company.
I want my husband to be happy and not lonely so he can choose for himself, it's up to him.

My DH died 4 years ago and I said exactly that, before and after he got sick and for about 3.5 years after he died. Things change and I feel a bit stupid now 🤣

I'm sorry for your loss but glad for you that you've found happiness again, there's no need to feel stupid about it enjoy it! 😀
My happiness will be spending the last of my time alone though, I really am that sure. I live in a remotish area and we keep to ourselves, which I love, I like my peace, atm I'm 60, I just don't want to start again. I'm really hoping I go first though.

I'm sorry but you can't 100% say that. You just don't know what would happen or how you would feel should you be widowed.

A woman is dying and asks to talk to her husband.
She's says to him that "after I'm gone I have no issue with you finding another partner".
He says "thank you".
She then says "I would have no issue with her living in our house".
He says "thank you".
She then says "I would have no issue with her sleeping in our bed".
He says "thank you".
She then says "I would have no issue with her playing golf with you like we used to do, she can use my clubs"
He says "No she can't she's left handed....".