To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

[ForPeachDreamer]

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

It would depend on how old my kids were. I had an bitch stepmom and a parade of drunken abusive "uncles". NO way would I want that inflicted on my kids.

I've only seen one family that actually blended well.

My husband and I talked about it after we knew he was terminal but I wasn't big on the idea of remarrying or living with someone because of what I saw growing up. After he died, I found out how many users are out there who are all about their own financial gain and fuck them kids.

I'd be dead, so wouldn't care.

Yes, but my money woukd only go to him in trust for his lifetime, then to my kids.

My OH died in November 22. We knew he was dying and he told me to be happy and live life, I’m now 57 and I couldn’t think of being with anyone else. He was my one and only.

I'd be dead so it wouldn't bother me. Whatever makes him happy!

I would tell him to find love again, give my blessing. That he doesn't deserve to be alone and its all ok..

Would I mean it? No. I know its the right thing to do and say. But in my heart of hearts id be bitter to die/be dying and someone else, another woman make my husband smile and watch my children grow.

I know that DH would be unhappy on his own so yes, I’d like him to meet someone new. Our youngest turns 18 next autumn so hopefully our children would be independent enough to cope with a new partner.

Personally, if DH goes first I won’t be remarrying or living with someone again. I like being on my own!

Some of you are really brutal about people moving on. I was widowed two years ago in my thirties and though we were hapoy for many years before, the marriage was bad at the end. Why should I have to be lonely for the best part of two decades. I’d use trusts to protect my kids money and listen to them and not push but being alone without a meaningful partner for me is heartbreakingly lonely. I hate it and had I died I wouldn’t have wished that for my husband. Just a really good person to love him and our children.

I'd want my OH to marry again, but she'd have to be prepared to be a mother figure to our young children since the "I'm only the step-mum, the kids have their own mum" thing wouldn't work in this situation.

I think kids benefit from having two involved parents and, if I died while they were still little, I'd be more heartbroken to think of them going through life with only half the care and affection they were getting before than with having some other woman take my "place". If anyone was prepared to help raise my children in a loving home where they had everything they needed (i.e. fulfil my responsibilities when I could no longer do so myself), I'd like to think I'd be very grateful if I was looking down on them.

I don’t care, I’ll be dead 💀

I was widowed when i was 40. We never really had the conversation. No kids so no inheritance to worry about.

It was an awful time and I said never again. To protect myself from going through that again I was never going to do it.

But I did. I married again. His pics are still up in the house and my second husband is not in the slightest bit bothered. His take on it is that I had a life before him. Hopefully I have many years ahead of me and gradually I realised that if I didn't move on, vile cancer would steal both of our lives.
How long is long enough? That depends entirely on the person left behind and no one else. Because when the door closes each night that's when it matters. For me it was a few years. For others it might me less. For others it might be more.

From a relationship point of view I’d want him to be happy and find love again but I honestly wouldn’t want him to marry because of the financial impact to DD. I believe he would do what’s right for her in terms of inheritance on his death and support while he is alive but would prefer that to not be at risk in anyway by the formation of a contract with a new woman. I acknowledge that that’s pretty selfish and unfair on him though and we have both made provisions for our assets to pass in part to DD directly on our deaths but the remainder that’s left to each other is not protected if he were to change his will after I died.

Yes if he met someone and she made him happy, I'd definitely want that. My only proviso is that she would have to be nice to our sons - otherwise I'd come back and haunt them!!

I definitely think people should ring-fence their assets by leaving DC 50% of their assets willed to the DC, many people found out the hard way, that people do remarry, they don't protect the DC inheritance, the inheritance becomes the new family assets.
Never rely upon someone's word that they'll protect something when you're not here to oversee it.

I've told DH he should not disinherit our children by getting remarried if I died. I have no strong feelings about him having a lover if I'm no longer around (I'd want him to be happy) but marriage is to protect children and it would be actively harmful to his children if he were to remarry.

Married no due to inheritance for children. A girlfriend sure.

What he does when I'm dead is up to him, I will neither know nor care.

I want him to be happy, but I would worry that my daughter’s inheritance would be affected. For instance, we own a house together. If he got remarried and then he died, could she make a claim on the house? I don’t really know, but that would be the only thing that I’d care about. I only have one child so I want her to get everything.

Replies are interesting, I’m dating a widow, he has a young but grown up child and I have the same, we have our own homes, his is mortgage free mine isn’t. We have discussed this and we were protect each of our own assets gained prior to marriage.

I like being married. To him. I don’t think being married to anyone else would suit me.

I really REALLY like being on my own. I prefer it to being with others a large proportion of the time. OH understands this and gives me plenty of space. But I enjoy his company. He is self-sufficient and doesn’t expect too much from me. I don’t know that I would find this dynamic with anyone else.

I'd want him to be remarried, I'd never remarry . I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone .

Wouldn't care id be dead

No - I’d hope no one else would ever have to put with what I have (and do) and I have a profoundly disabled DC. My only worry in life is my DC - if they die before me I will happily end my life and then he can obviously do whatever he wants but I’d feel tempted to ghost warn the next person.
If I outlive my spouse never again will I allow anyone into my life beyond the most distant professional contact (apart from pre-existing friends).

DH is currently seriously ill and we have had this conversation. I am instructed not to sit at home grieving and he expects that if he doesn't make it, I will find someone else.

If I were to die first, he would need to find someone else so he didn't starve!

Yes meet someone else but have enough time to heal first. At least a year. Life is too short to not be happy