To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

[ForPeachDreamer]

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

We have adult DC so it’s less complicated now.
yes I’d want him to be happy and find someone else.
he wouldn’t love her as much as he loves me though.

I would want my DH to be happy in
whatever form that took.

I’m sure that if I died he would find someone new. We have a very happy marriage and he’d look for that again.

Only if it was right for our children and he protected them in case he passed before his new wife. I wouldn't want my children's inheritance to go to someone else and her children. So I'd like him to leave his share to our children instead of his wife

Of course as long as it was years later, not weeks or months.

I'd hope he'd give it a few months rather than skipping merrily through the tulips soon afterwards. But, life is for the living. As long as he was happy.

I mean I don't like the thought of him being with someone else but I'll be dead, i won't exist and I won't care then 😂and of course I would want him to be happy

I think it's the ultimate irrelevant question, really -- you will be dead, and have no idea what your widower is likely to do, or any way of controlling whether he picks up widows galore at a weekend course for the newly-bereaved (as a friend's father did, within a month of his wife's death at 47), or marries your best friend within four months (as another friend's elderly father did).

No but also yes. I'm not married right now but when I was married it wouldn't make me feel sad to think of my husband being married to somebody else when I was gone and I didn't like it but then conversely if I'm dead I doubt that I would actually care.

I'd want her to be happy (though possibly not as happy as she is with me now!) I don't honestly think I would bother with another relationship if she went first because I can't imagine finding anyone else as lovely.

My DH died of leukaemia just before his 29th birthday-he had a long, gruelling battle.

He told me repeatedly that he wanted me to marry and have DC (which we had been unable to do) and to live for both of us.
His life might be over but mine wasn't. This generosity of spirit let me go on to marry again and have children and a great life.

I think it can feel different if there are children in the mix etc and you are combining families.
There is no right answer and I really hate when ppl are judged for "moving on too quickly" etc because it looks and feels different to everyone.

I dont really care what he might do when im dead. I only care what he does when im alive.

Yes. He's a naturally good husband and does better in a relationship.

I would want DH to be happy so would be fine for him to meet someone new. Also fine with marriage from the 'loving commitment' perspective although hesistant purely re inheritance element.

Caveat is obviously around whether DS would be happy about it/it was right for him, which hopefully would be DH's priority also. If he met a lovely 'mumsy' mum who wanted to care for DS I would be over the moon...not worried about being replaced.

Who would seriously want their loved ones they've left behind to be miserable? That's not love to me. It's possessive and selfish. And silly, given you'd not know!

Having said all this, I don't think I would go looking for a partner myself in this situation.

Find love, yes. Remarry, no. Or at least, not unless my half of our family assets were already passed down to our children beforehand.

When my grandmother died, all her assets went to my grandfather. He went on to remarry, and died before his second wife. The agreement had been that the household assets would default to his second wife if she outlived him, but then, in her will, she would split those inherited assets between his descendants from his first marriage, and her own extended family.

She didn't. She gave the lot to her family.

Men always seem to hook up with someone else very quickly, women tend not to or if they do isn't usually swiftly.

It's a reminder to us all to make a will to leave our half of the house to dc. Imagine that, if a dh married someone else, then died himself and the new wife got everything .

DH wanted me to but I have no desires to do so. The idea of living with another man really does not appeal at all. I would've wanted happiness for him in whatever shape that came.

I want my DH to have lots of girlfriends if I go first. I certainly don't want him sat there, lonely and miserable.

Find love, yes. Remarry, no. Or at least, not unless my half of our family assets were already passed down to our children beforehand

Exactly this.

I've never thought about this. Our dc are adults now (technically) so there's no question of caring for children with a new partner on the scene.

I'd want him to do whatever made him happy. I think he'd want that for me. However I've said for the past few years I wouldn't go near another man, partly because he's been pretty wonderful, set the bar high, and partly because of the absolute state of men these days.

As long as it isn’t TOO quick and he considers the children’s thoughts and feelings first then I guess so. But who is meeting him at the Pearly Gates because there won’t be room on my cloud for three.

I’d want him to be happy with a new partner, but I’d hope that he’s chose wisely and consider the emotional and financial impact. I’d want him to make sure that dd got inheritance (if there is any!).

Depends on if there are chilren involved.

I would not want him to re-marry at the detriment of existing children. You see it far too often that the widow/widdower re-marrys and makes a new family - leaving the kids behind.

If i have kids - no- i want you to raise the kids, with the family and friends. I dont want him to be concentrating on woowing a new woman and all the hormones and distractions that come with it.

Once the children are grown, and independant - then thats another thing - untill then no.

I wouldn't want him to risk our children's inheritance so I'd want him not to remarry or at least protect the children if he does. I don't the money to go to some other woman's kids.
I also would not remarry for the same reason.

This is exactly how I feel - he should be happy and if that means a new wife then as long as she’s kind to our DD then all good.

Both in our mid 50’s. I don’t think he’d be happy single if I died first so I’ve told him to go find someone just let my body go cold first. Me I think I’d be happy being a crazy cat and dog lady!