To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

[ForPeachDreamer]

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

I knew someone whose wife died in the Jan and he took his new girlfriend to a family do 4 months later. That level of insensitivity when there are kids and inlaws to consider is absolutely appalling.

Be happy, yes, including being in a relationship if that’s what he wanted. Marry, absolutely not, in order to protect our children’s inheritance. I would also never remarry.

Those I know who have stayed single are doing it to protect their kids.

I have the same arrangement in place & it's absolutely essential in my view. I know of 2 families where the wife has died & the men moved on very quickly & did not protect their assets (both had children). You would have never, ever thought these men would have been so stupid but grief & loneliness makes a person very vulnerable.

If he remarried all assets go to his new wife. You need to protect your assets like I have e.g my partner lives in our house until he dies then 50% (my half if you like) goes to our son.

@Happyholidays78
My Mum was widowed at 52 and there was definitely a long period before she was deemed to have lost capacity to dementia where she was targeted for her assets, my sister and I were just lucky that it didn’t happen.

I fear the same fate for myself not just DH so very relieved we have something in place.

My partner told me he wanted me to meet someone new when he was dying-he was quite specific about the type of man I should go for! However, it’s been 8 years and I haven’t bothered. I would have said the same to him-I’d want him to be happy, and if that meant a new relationship, crack on!

I think it's different if kids and potential inheritance is involved but otherwise I'm not sure why it'd be upsetting when you'd be dead! Of course id want him to meet someone else and live a happy life! Id hate the thought of him old and alone.

My DH always said that he’d need to go first as whilst he was sure I would cope without him, he couldn’t live without me.
He was right that I have survived without him, and 2 years later I don’t need anyone else. If I had gone first I would have wanted him to be as happy as possible, whatever form that took.

I'd haunt the pair of them - and Poltergeist has nothing on what I'd be like if she turned out to be unkind to him or my cat.

In reality, of course, I wouldn't. Because I'd be dead and wouldn't know anything about it.

I'd want them to remarry if they wanted to and to know there was no need to feel any guilt.
However, I'd also want them to ensure the wellbeing of any children was protected. That would include emotional and also financial protection. For example, I would not be impressed if my DH married someone else and his estate ended up going to her and then on to her kids rather than going to any kids we had together.

Technically engaged not married and no kids.

Absolutely yes, I would want him to meet someone and really would hope that she's a lovely, kind, decent woman who would treat him well. I also wouldn't want her living in my shadow either. I'm dead at thst stage so I would want him to be happy.

I'm very much of the belief that when I'm gone, I'm gone. Same with organising donation - every single part of me that benefits me should be happily given to someone else if it improves their quality of life. I'd be dead and life is for the living.

I wouldn't want him to suffer, I would expect him to need some time before finding happiness again.

My Dad was miserable after my Mum died. Luckily he met my lovely step-Mum two years later. She was also widowed and quite happy on her own, but she took pity on my Dad. She realized that he needed a partner and was prepared to take him on. 😂

I was in my 20’s so that made it easier.

Why do pp's assume that the new lover would be happy in the relationship without marriage.

But you want to control how long that is. Shouldn't it be his decision? He's the one going through grief.

I'd want him to be happy and to do whatever he wanted to be happy, if that meant re-marrying, then fills his boots.

I'd only be concerned that our son wasn't disadvantaged, i.e. that he still inherited a fair share of our joint estate, and that OH still looked out for him, rather than concentrating all his attention etc on his new wife and her family, but I'd trust him to be fair and do the right thing!

Do you mean died? If so why don’t you say ‘died’?

Just saw the trailer for that new Elizabeth Olsen film this morning. I wonder if @ForPeachDreamer did too?

Well my child wouldn't be ready for a stepmother after a couple of weeks even if my husband could get over my death that quickly 🙃

Having seen what step mothers on here are like most of the time, I would absolutely hate my DH to remarry

@Sunflowersurprise Some people prefer “passed away” as it sounds less literal than “died”, I suppose.

I rather like it, I prefer to think that my Mum passed away tbh. 🤷

I d want them to be happy, yes.
I wouldn't be against them remarrying per se, but I definitely want our family's wealth or assets going only to our children, and not other people's children. Remarriage can complicate this, do you agree?

OK
You're just avoiding the question. No point to engaging with you.

Why should I care? I’d be dead. As long as the kids were provided for.