To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

[ForPeachDreamer]

If you were to pass away before your husband, would you want him to remarry and find love again or would the idea make you uncomfortable? Some people say they’d want their spouse to be happy and not spend the rest of their life alone. Others feel the thought of being “replaced” is unsettling, even if they wouldn’t be around to see it.

I’m curious, do you have strong feelings about this? Would you give your blessing in advance or do you think some people move on too quickly?

I'd like him to move on but I'd want a few good years of grieving. I'll haunt him if he replaces me like a broken toaster.

You don't know me, yes I can, I am absolutely certain. I'm 60 years old and I know my own heart & mind. I don't get lonely and I wouldn't be looking . I live in a small village keep to myself.Yes I would miss my DH, but I would definitely be happy in my own company.

We will have to agree to disagree. No, I don't know you, and I'm glad you are someone who would be content to be by yourself. I'm sure you are probably right that you would be unlikely to remarry. I just don't think you can say that with 100% certainty. And you absolutely can't know how you would feel if you were to be widowed if you never have been.

When I was widowed I was certain I would never remarry either. I wasn't looking and it wasn't on my radar. Yet I've been (very happily) remarried for almost 20 years now.

yes lets agree to disagree, I'm glad you found someone and are happy, but as I said before I'm 60 now and really hoping not to lose him anytime soon. I really don't have the energy or will to start again & I say that with 100% certainty.

At 40 I felt I would move on
At 52 I would have said definitely never again.
After the last year, its looking more likely DH will die at my hand than of natural causes. If I go first, you are warned, don't touch him with a barge pole.

@Gpdp 🤣

I like murder mysteries and my DH says that it worries him that I’m gathering ideas!

Passed what?

Do you mean died?

Sure, I can haunt them both then. Great fun.

🙄

🤣🤣🤣

It’s great that you have been happily remarried for 20 years, but your attitude towards @chattyness who said SHE wouldn’t want to remarry is just unpleasant to be saying she doesn’t know her own mind. Some people don’t want to. I know a few women who have ruled it out, one remained a widow for over 30 years until her own death and another is approaching a couple of decades as a widow. In recent years some very dear friends have been widowed, I don’t know what their futures hold but whatever they say I will not argue as if they don’t know what they want.

I said at the beginning of the thread that I’m all for people moving forward, but only if they feel they want to.

I would very much want my partner to find another love and be with them - but due to hard won knowledge of inheritance issues, I ask that they never marry them nor leave anything in their Will to them. We are in our late 50s so it is likely that anyone he did meet would similarly have their own assets and life that I would expect them to protect the same.