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Original poster

Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

240 replies

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

OP posts:
Squishymallows · 30/07/2025 12:44

Say something!!! Don’t let you or him waste money.

Glitchymn1 · 30/07/2025 12:44

Tell them to stop buying your bloody pants and get your own.

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 12:45

Buy him expensive pants for his birthday in the wrong size.

BleachedJumper · 30/07/2025 12:45

Urgh, that’s crap.

Id ask where my present is. When he says it’s the bag of unusable underwear, I’d say nope, doesn’t fit, replace it.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/07/2025 12:45

He’s buying it for himself not you.

Tell him you want a proper birthday present.

dogcatkitten · 30/07/2025 12:46

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

Ask for an M&S gift voucher next time and choose your own, let him get you chocolates, flowers/plants, favourite tipple and maybe perfume as actual presents.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/07/2025 12:48

How tedious...is that all you get from him?

toomuchfaff · 30/07/2025 12:48

"don't buy me underwear please, my body is changing, buy me this or this or this"

If he gets annoyed - tough shit - its not your responsibility to fix his emotions. You don't have to "make it better" soften the blow, make sure hes OK with what youve asked. You're not being ungrateful.

It's pure laziness. No effort, no thought.

Rattai · 30/07/2025 12:49

I agree with previous poster. Ask him where your present is?
It was good job to return it until it was something that suited/fitted you

TokyoSushi · 30/07/2025 12:49

I assume he then wants to 'see you in the underwear?' Entirely a present for him, and not a present for you at all, ick.

KarmenPQZ · 30/07/2025 12:51

A month before your birthday / Christmas treat yourself to new underwear and make a big deal saying you’re so happy you’ve now got all the underwear you need and it’s exactly what you want. Maybe with 2 weeks to go say ‘I’ve been thinking of my birthday and I’d like x y or z’ specific things he can’t get wrong or even general like a new necklace so he can choose himself if that’s what he’d like.

and if he gets you something that doesn’t fit just say matter of fact ‘oh what a shame it doesn’t fit do you want to give me the receipt now or will you handle the return’

Nsvdi · 30/07/2025 12:51

Tell him you now have plenty of underwear and don't want any new anymore. You must have a lot by now, so it's true enough.

ToInfiniteaAndBeyond · 30/07/2025 12:53

I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway.

What’s the alternative? You continue to get rubbish presents and your resentment of him continues to build.

If you’re unable to raise things like this without him sulking, your marriage clearly isn’t in a great state as it is.

What outcome are you actually hoping for here? Do you want to stay married to him?

TomatoSandwiches · 30/07/2025 12:53

Does your MIL buy you underwear because it's the only thing your husband suggests when/if she asks?

LoveHearts69 · 30/07/2025 12:54

I’d say ‘oh if you were thinking of getting me underwear for my birthday please don’t as my size has changed and I’d rather try things in on in store going forwards, I’d love a new jumper or something though!’

SilenceInside · 30/07/2025 12:55

I think that you need to be absolutely clear with him that you don’t want underwear at all for any kind of a present, and certainly not from your MIL. If he sulks or is unpleasant then I’d tell him he’s being unreasonable and unfair.

If he gives you the current things he’s bought and you can’t return them, then I’d sell them on Vinted for whatever you can get for them.

KarmenPQZ · 30/07/2025 12:55

Is there much of a market in vinted for it if they’re nice sets with labels still on?

Terrribletwos · 30/07/2025 12:56

He gets annoyed and doesn't listen! He sounds very inconsiderate of your feelings. Why?

ChaToilLeam · 30/07/2025 12:56

Never mind his feelings, what about yours? It is supposed to be a birthday present for YOU, something thoughtful and caring that YOU would like. Not just so he can see you trussed up like a chicken in undies that don’t fit or are uncomfortable.

Time to put him straight. If he kicks off, read him the fucking riot act. Lazy sod should be able to put some thought into a present for you.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 30/07/2025 12:57

Buy him some tiny thongs... Appear miffed if he won't wear them.

MrsMoastyToasty · 30/07/2025 12:58

Buy him a mankini and a jock strap .

VioletandDill · 30/07/2025 12:58

I would never let anyone else buy me a bra! What a minefield.
Put on your (correctly sized) big girl pants and tell them to stop buying you underwear!

FrostiesAreCornflakesForPeopleWhoCantFaceReality · 30/07/2025 13:01

He can’t even be bothered to choose the correct size for you so why are you bothered about him being offended by you not having any use for his shit gifts? Tell him that you’ve found the shit presents and he might as well return them now as he has once again wasted his money on stuff that won’t fit/isn't suitable. And suggest he get you something else that isn’t fucking underwear. Same goes for his mum. Why is she buying you underwear anyway? So weird.

SusanChurchouse · 30/07/2025 13:03

I’d be gutted if I bought somebody something unsuitable and they were unable to return it. I’d certainly not make the exact same mistake again so he’s either thoughtless or selfish. I’d also feel aggrieved getting the same gift for every birthday and Christmas but that’s maybe just me. Sounds like he might get huffy if you tell him you’ve found them and don’t want them but if it’s either that or see money going to waste I’d fess up.

dudsville · 30/07/2025 13:04

I'm another one who would find that a selfish non-present, however I wouldn't say anything more than you have done already. He's an adult, if he doesn't understand what you've already said then you don't need to spend ages trying to teach him. The items can go to charity or Vinted or the bin. I most certainly would not be putting them in with my actual clothes. Get them out of the wardrobe and put them in a bag by the door to take with you when you next pass a charity. He'll get pissed off, but you need to shrug that off, don't let his tantrum shape how you manage this. He can tantrum over to one side while you get on with adulting. If you haven't let MIL know that you don't want her to buy you pants, then sure, say that, but I would do the same with this from her. I would also massively lower my expectations of future gifts from him, and just be prepared to put them in a bag to sell or give away.