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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

240 replies

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

OP posts:
Autumnpug · 30/07/2025 13:29

Tell him to stop wasting money buying underwear that does not fit you .
What a man child getting upset about not wanting to give you a receipt

LemondrizzleShark · 30/07/2025 13:29

Even if it’s outside of the returns window, he can probably get a credit note. Just hand it straight back to him, certainly don’t even contemplate wearing it on for him.

jay55 · 30/07/2025 13:29

I’d be buying him tickets to my favourite show/event for his birthday, preferably for a day he can’t go.

Whatsitreallylike · 30/07/2025 13:30

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 12:45

Buy him expensive pants for his birthday in the wrong size.

This. Absolutely this.

MakeMineADietCoke · 30/07/2025 13:30

Your mother in law buys you sexy underwear?

what?

Ivy888 · 30/07/2025 13:31

But your MIL a thong, one of those with a string in the bum.

zanahoria · 30/07/2025 13:33

Glitchymn1 · 30/07/2025 12:44

Tell them to stop buying your bloody pants and get your own.

nailed it

zanahoria · 30/07/2025 13:34

Ivy888 · 30/07/2025 13:31

But your MIL a thong, one of those with a string in the bum.

and for all the family

no other presents

Merry Pantsmas everyone!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/07/2025 13:39

God, I find it hard enough to buy bras for myself - I dread to think how anyone could possibly buy them for someone else! Size and fit varies so much from shop to shop...

I'd say it's his stropping that's the big problem here though. If he just bought you the wrong stuff and his reaction was 'whoops, I'll take it back, do you want something else or just a different size?' it would be one thing, but the whole 'I bought it, I chose it, you're rejecting ME' pathetic attitude would be an absolute fanny-clamper for me.

Maybe send him a list of things you'd like well in advance, tell hm to choose from that. If he doesn't then YOU can have a strop.

godmum56 · 30/07/2025 13:41

A gift for you should not be what someone else loves to buy! Are you the poster whose Mil bought her saucy underwear because your partner told her he wants more sex?

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 30/07/2025 13:42

Have you tried being blunt - why are you buying me the wrong sized uncomfortable underware I will never wear - are you trying to upset me - some comment on my size or changing shape as I age ?

Then try and steer else where - you do need to make it his problem and show it's upsetting you not smooth everything over and simmer all year.

I try and avoid clothing items as presents - DH even with a link to correct size and colour can fuck up and somehow it's my fault Hmm- but yea had a few upsets with clothing and learnt to be blunt with DH at least.

MIL she bought me some hideous things and some lovely ones - I do tend to just say thank you there - but thankfully never strayed to underwear.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/07/2025 13:42

godmum56 · 30/07/2025 13:41

A gift for you should not be what someone else loves to buy! Are you the poster whose Mil bought her saucy underwear because your partner told her he wants more sex?

🤮

PinkyFlamingo · 30/07/2025 13:46

I think if you feel you can't say anything to him about this without fear of him being annoyed then you have bigger problems in your relationship than him buying underwear.

Richiewoo · 30/07/2025 13:46

Just tell them both to stop buying it for you.

Bananafofana · 30/07/2025 13:48

You should be the one doing a strop, not your DH.

FGS say something! Assertively and clearly and make it very plain that a bad reaction on his part reflects very poorly on him.

eggandonion · 30/07/2025 13:50

Tell him that sizes are all over the place in marks and spencer now. Can he give you a voucher so you can get measured and try things on...even if you don't!
My dh is convinced he knows my size...he doesn't. I get the occasional fat face top from an airport.

dutchyoriginal · 30/07/2025 13:51

Buy him the teeny tiniest underwear possible as a present?

CoachNot · 30/07/2025 13:53

Sell it on ebay

dutchyoriginal · 30/07/2025 13:53

Ivy888 · 30/07/2025 13:31

But your MIL a thong, one of those with a string in the bum.

That as well. "I thought this is what you do in your family?😇"

BreakingBroken · 30/07/2025 13:53

I voted YABU because you should have set the record straight long ago.
Pathetic on your part to not speak your mind to both MIL and your thick husband.

SheridansPortSalut · 30/07/2025 13:56

Your birthday his all about him - His preferred present. His mood if you don't act grateful enough. This needs to be pointed out explicitly. If he chooses to be in a mood over it that's his problem, not yours. Buy him uncomfortable underwear in the wrong size and see how he likes it.

Justsewsew · 30/07/2025 13:59

Oh god I buy my dil underwear because it's nice to have lovely underwear and she doesn't have much money so wouldn't treat herself to it. I'm going to have to check now.
Also my ex husband would buy me underwear and I loved it - not necessarily sexy stuff just nice. The year he got the wrong size was when he was having an affair.

InjuryMyArse · 30/07/2025 14:00

My sister in law once bought me a red nylon thong with fixed ribbons on it that would have shown through any clothes.

I don't wear thongs, and I can't wear nylon so have no idea what the thought process was.

I certainly don't want to think she was thinking about mine and her brother's sex life. 😂

Skybluepinky · 30/07/2025 14:04

For his Birthday give him the underwear that doesn’t fit you and buy yourself stuff that fits.

MageQueen · 30/07/2025 14:06

Justsewsew · 30/07/2025 13:59

Oh god I buy my dil underwear because it's nice to have lovely underwear and she doesn't have much money so wouldn't treat herself to it. I'm going to have to check now.
Also my ex husband would buy me underwear and I loved it - not necessarily sexy stuff just nice. The year he got the wrong size was when he was having an affair.

Well, if I didn't have much money and my MIL was going to treat me to something, there are a million things I'd prefer over "nice underwear". Cashmere jumper. Fancy face cream. Nice cookware.

If she needs and wants underwear, perhaps a voucher then. But for my money, a grown woman buying another grown woman underwear is just weird and inappropriate.