To find it weird that smacking kids is still normal?

[autienotnaughty]

Obviously it doesn’t happen as much as it use to and it’s thankfully mostly frowned upon but there’s stil the “a smack never hurt me” people around. If you just stop and think, grown adults hitting children half their size and hurting them. Really it’s abhorrent. Whilst I understand there’s always evil people who want to hurt children, smacking was normal and done by people who are not considered a risk to children

@drspouse I agree with you. It would make more sense to use the word ‘slap’. Better than smack/spank.

I was slapped a lot as a child, and hard. It’s hard to say whether it damaged me or not, because far worse things happened to me than that, as a victim of SA. But it did mean that I was afraid of my parents and hence less likely to be able to confide in my DM about what was going on.

A child who suffers physical punishment by their parents will not feel safe with them, and will be less able to confide in them if they are being abused, as they’ll be afraid they’ll be in trouble.

57% of parents have smacked their children, 29% in the past 12 months.

So it seems it is still fairly normal to hit your kids. 🙁

This is misguided. There was a study that showed that smacking children - how ever lightly - increased the risk of anti-social, aggressive and criminal behaviour in the child in later life. In other words, smacking increases bad behaviour, it doesn’t resolve it.

Those of you who are utterly horrified at smacking a child as it would be illegal to hit an adult, unless you don’t do any punishing at all you are most likely doing something to your child that would be illegal if done to an adult.
for example:

confiscating an item - theft/emotional
ahuse
grounding - imprisonment/kidnapping
sent to room and told not to come out until given permission - emotional abuse

Children are treated differently to adults because parents are responsible for their behaviour.

I doubt it’s a direct correlation but it is a fact that the behaviour of children has got significantly worse since punishment reduced and that countries which still have corporal punishment have students that are well behaved in school (and have much better educational outcomes)

and the people above who are desperate for their children not to be scared of them. It’s a very small step from that to the plethora of kids who behave horrifically at school because they know their parents will never tell them off or back up the teacher. It’s an epidemic at the moment. Teachers being called cunts or being told to fuck off and the parent asking what the teacher had done to provoke the reaction while the kid gets rewarded for the mean teacher upsetting them. In these cases I think a smack would be better than the current alternative.

I don’t think that someone saying “a smack never hurt me” necessarily means they think it’s normal or ok. I was occasionally smacked as a child. I do not think it did me any damage. I do think it’s shit parenting though, and would never hit my children.

I don’t think it’s normal nowadays. I’m sure it happens but I think it’s very socially unacceptable.

Interesting that the only posters still advocating for smacking/hitting a child are those who have been hit themselves. The mindset of ‘it didn’t do me any harm’ prevails in some. Luckily it doesn’t wash with many of the rest of us and it’s thankfully being de-normalised as time goes on. Eventually I think it will be phased out altogether as those who were hit in the 70s/80s/90s die out. One can only hope anyway.

And for those saying it is a means to improve bad behaviour, research consistently shows this is not true. It is the most ineffective way to improve behaviour. Need to think a bit deeper about why some children are kicking off in schools today.

YANBU. It’s horrible and shouldn’t be done. We don’t smack our DC. Though I shout more than I should and often speak too sharply to them.

? Where are you getting these figures from?
I had a former work colleague explain to me once how and when he smacked his children. He also shoved one of his kids outside if he was misbehaving, after being spanked. It was in the context of talking about little kids, as everyone at the table had children under 5. He seemed to have no shame about it, and I was mortified.

Smacking, spanking, hitting, beating -- it's all the same. Violently attacking your children because you cannot handle their behavior.

This reminds me of my DD telling me that one of her friends had come to school late in second grade with a huge red mark across her face. This was in second grade (around 8 years old where I live). Her friend told my DD that her mom had slapped her because she forgot her water bottle. My DD was totally horrified. I could never look at her mom the same way again.

Completely agree, OP.

And if a child discloses to me that they've been smacked at home, for any reason at all, I have to record it under our safeguarding policy.

Obviously, most of the time it just sits on file and doesn't go anywhere unless they are hit with something or it's part of a bigger issue but, if you smack your child and they tell their teacher, it will be recorded.

I'm a teacher.

The deterioration of behaviour in schools is a big issue but there are many reasons for that and his nothing to do with parents not smacking.

Overwhelmingly, the children who display the most aggressive behaviours at school are those we know are smacked/hit at home or see smacking and hitting at home.

Who on earth thinks its normal?

It's illegal here in Wales.

That is so sad.

But I agree with you re parents taking out life’s frustrations on their children.

It’s just hard to imagine now that society thought it was OK!

@Gymrabbit maybe children's behaviour is worse but actual crime has surprisingly decreased. Many causes of course - policing, society being less tolerant of minor crime/boys will be boys, better income, but also possibly better parenting.

I agree with this. I also work in schools, most of the kids with behaviour issues are from homes where we know there is violence.

I’m sure there are a lot of reasons for lower crime such as less young people drinking and better car security but there is absolutely no way on the planet it’s better parenting when more and more children are disgustingly behaved at school and more and more kids are arriving at school in nappies and unable to use a knife and fork.

Not necessarily smacking but definitely a deterioration in parents willing to discipline their children in whatever way that might take.

My 10 year old danced for about 6 months and I was so very surprised by how much smacking was happening in the changing rooms before shows and exams. If your kid needs a smack to dance, they don't want to dance.

I don't think it's normal either, and if I saw it happening in public, I'd have to intervene. Pick on somebody your own size!

It’s definitely not normal. ‘Smacking’ is physically assaulting a child and I’m glad Scotland and Wales recognise this.

Cue the brigade of ‘I was hit and it never did me any harm!!11’ I find the people that say this are often not cognisant of the harm it did do, and the way this shaped their personalities and own parenting.

Gosh, that is astonishing even though I've seen it with parents of peers of my DS e.g. if they are swearing (I posted about this on the other smacking thread).
We have occasionally had to intervene physically with him (again as posted upthread lifting an adult out of a situation where they are not obeying you is likely illegal but we have had to do it with DS).
But for a supposedly pleasant extra curricular activity? My word.

Last month on holiday in Italy an Italian family were sitting behind us in a restaurant, their toddler was just being a toddler, fidgeting and fussing over his food.

I saw his dad smack him very hard at the back of his head, my 4 year old noticed because the poor boy was crying so loudly.

I felt so bad for him and asked my husband if we should say something. He was adamant we say nothing as it’s down to them how they discipline and smacking might be a cultural thing.

The boy bounced back after crying for 15 mins but I couldn’t get his little crying face out of my head for ages.

I completely agree. But this thread is specifically about smacking so I was only referring to that.

Morning all, I am so completely against smacking a child under any circumstances but I have a family member who does it when their child misbehaves. It really bothers and upsets me and I don’t know how to get them to stop. They are foreign and I think it was more normal in their culture growing. Any advice? Thanks

It depends. If it’s hard/leaving a mark , if thetes fear for the safety of the child then report it anonymously to social services . Even a phone call or visit from them might be enough to make them realise the behaviour is wrong. Or you could email (again anonymously) the school safeguarding team and make them aware.