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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it weird that smacking kids is still normal?

134 replies

autienotnaughty · 29/07/2025 15:31

Obviously it doesn’t happen as much as it use to and it’s thankfully mostly frowned upon but there’s stil the “a smack never hurt me” people around. If you just stop and think, grown adults hitting children half their size and hurting them. Really it’s abhorrent. Whilst I understand there’s always evil people who want to hurt children, smacking was normal and done by people who are not considered a risk to children

OP posts:
JHound · 29/07/2025 17:03

I don’t think it’s normal now. Growing up, I and everybody else I knew was smacked as punishment. Now I only know one person who “smacks” their kid and I think calling it a “smack” is probably inaccurate.

Clementina49er · 29/07/2025 17:04

HideousKinky · 29/07/2025 16:58

I remember being shaken & smacked by my mother when I was only about 5 because I was scared of being taken to the doctor.

60 years later I can still remember her angry face and the feeling of misery & shame because I had displeased her.

It is a really destructive thing to do in terms of your relationship with a child

I'm the same age as you and I have never forgiven or forgotten the junior school teacher who humiliated me when I was 8 by putting me across her lap and spanking me in front of the whole class.... for having had the temerity to stand too close to her desk!!!!
Mrs Jean Proctor, you had no call to do that!

Purpleturtle45 · 29/07/2025 17:05

autienotnaughty · 29/07/2025 15:31

Obviously it doesn’t happen as much as it use to and it’s thankfully mostly frowned upon but there’s stil the “a smack never hurt me” people around. If you just stop and think, grown adults hitting children half their size and hurting them. Really it’s abhorrent. Whilst I understand there’s always evil people who want to hurt children, smacking was normal and done by people who are not considered a risk to children

It's not normal, what gives you the impression it is?

DiscoBob · 29/07/2025 17:05

It's horrible. I remember being way more than smacked by other people's parents as a kid in the 80s. My own parents didn't smack but didn't care if other people's did it to me.

My mum said her dad was quite violent and scary to her but mainly her male siblings. She didn't seem to think he was a bad parent.

It's really scary and traumatic.

I don't see how anyone could do it to someone so small and innocent. A child or an animal.

CinnamonBuns67 · 29/07/2025 17:08

I don't think it's alright or normal. Does seem commonplace in my area though. My daughter was horrified first time she witnessed a child get a smacked bum in town. Think it varies from place to place how common it is.

Beamur · 29/07/2025 17:09

I don't think it is normal now.

AlertEagle · 29/07/2025 17:13

I’m a 90s kid I was never smacked or shouted at as a child but my brother was. I never smack my child. I live in London and never hear people telling they smack their child but you never know whats going on behind close doors. The only time I heard someone threatening their child was years ago on the bus a mom shouted at her daughter for the whole bus to hear “ just because we are out in public it doesnt mean I cant slap you”

pinkyredrose · 29/07/2025 17:15

FanofLeaves · 29/07/2025 16:57

I distinctly remember being smacked twice as a child, once hard on the leg by my mum when I was being fussy about the food she’d served up (this was the 90’s, it didn’t fly to be picky about what was in front of you ) and once on the bottom by my grandad for crawling across an antique sofa at his house when I was about 3/4.

Can’t imagine either that response to either incident occurring these days but it wasn’t unusual then. My poor friend had his mouth washed out with soap once for swearing, and the mum was almost boastful of the fact that she’d used that level of discipline towards it. A lot of ‘well he’ll know not to do it again!’ responses from other parents. You’d be on the phone to SS if you heard that someone had done that now.

Edited

At my infant school apparantly kids used to have their mouths washed out with soap if they swore! I think it was an urban myth as no-one ever heard of anyone it had actually happened to.

If any kids in class played up the teacher would draw a circle on the blackboard and they had to stand with their nose in the circle, now that was effective let me tell you!

cofffeeee · 29/07/2025 17:48

Sometimes its not the kids that need a smack its the parents.

WaltzingWaters · 29/07/2025 17:57

I don’t think it’s normal at all anymore. I’ve not heard anyone threaten to smack their kids, and I’m pretty sure if anyone saw it happening, they’d be calling SS or at least have something to say about it.

Mammamia384748 · 29/07/2025 18:03

I lived in Singapore for a few years and there is still a very strong caning and smacking culture. Every so often a news article would be written debating it, and underneath 95% of the comments were parents saying they caned their kids, they were caned themselves and were fine, “spare the rod, spoil the child” was repeated over and over etc etc. There was a lone comment or two decrying it. As someone who was caned as a child my heart went out to all those scared little children.

Louisetopaz21 · 29/07/2025 18:05

I was smacked as a child several times. I remember being smacked so hard I had red marks on my little body for something I didn't do. It added to my childhood trauma and I am not contact with my parents for other reasons too. Never felt the need to subject my children to being smacked.

SleepyRedPanda · 29/07/2025 18:06

Surely it’s not still normal? I was smacked absolutely loads as a child and would never, ever do that to my children.

Devilsmommy · 29/07/2025 18:09

I don't think it is seen as normal anymore is it? I'm one of the people who was smacked as a child, not for every little thing, just for the really bad stuff, and I do believe that it hasn't harmed me. I would never smack my own child though. I don't actually know anyone who does still smack their child

Motherland2624 · 29/07/2025 18:10

Im Birmingham I see it I nearly got sacked when I intervened when a mother took her toddler behind a post to smack her in a supermarket didn’t deter me though
also loud shouty parents threatening the kids,scares mine as they are not used to it
The worst was at the reception settling in session at primary school she took him outside and beat the crap out of her 4 year old !!!!! Nobody said anything except me I don’t care if they shun me for 6 years
I was beaten as a child and no one helped me even when I went to school with adult bite marks

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 18:15

I think if a few more parents disciplined their kids with a smack then perhaps we wouldn't be facing a bloody epidemic of terribly behaved kids.

Every other day there's a thread on here of someone whose child is completely out of control and the advice is usually some nonsense about taking to them and giving them space.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 29/07/2025 18:16

I disagree that it's normal and was surprised some posters said it is in their areas. I grew up in the 80s and it was possibly common but I know I was never smacked neither were my cousins or most of my friends. Parents were stricter though and there were things we wouldn't dare do, we were more well behaved than the kids today.

BelfastBard · 29/07/2025 18:17

Normal for who? I don’t know a single peer of mine who smacks their children.

Louisetopaz21 · 29/07/2025 18:19

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 18:15

I think if a few more parents disciplined their kids with a smack then perhaps we wouldn't be facing a bloody epidemic of terribly behaved kids.

Every other day there's a thread on here of someone whose child is completely out of control and the advice is usually some nonsense about taking to them and giving them space.

It would be interesting to see the stats that informed this post. How can physically assaulting a child actually be effective surely it leads to normalising violent behaviour. Some children have additional needs such as autism or experienced trauma which can lead to them acting put in a way as they struggle to communicate their needs. I just think this is a sad way of saying it is okay to be violent towards children as it will make them behave.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 29/07/2025 18:21

I do have one acquaintance who will tell me about hitting her kids and it certainly feels weird to hear it.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/07/2025 18:22

Smacking hasn't been considered acceptable for a good while now, thank goodness.
My mother was awful for it, used to pull our hair if we didn't keep up, pull down our trousers and knickers out and about to give a proper wallop of a smack on the bum, absolutely humiliating. If we didn't go to her when she yelled " come ere " we would get it twice as bad with a hairbrush at home and then made to stand in the corner the rest of the day.

She wouldn't do it to the grandchildren now though, mostly because shes older and knows how horrible she was but there's a bit of her that would be embarrassed and shamed doing it in public now.

BashfulClam · 29/07/2025 18:24

Beating a smaller and weaker person into submission is abhorrent so why is hitting a child any different. Yes children misbehave but they lack impulse control and experience of the world.

what it did to me was made me a good liar to my parents and I only told them what they needed to know. I got into some bad situations but didn’t trust my parents to be reasonable so fight go to them for help. I remember my mum telling the neighbour that k told her everything as we were so flows and I was thinking ‘that’s what you think, I tell you what I want you to know!’ She thinks I was a virgin till I met my husband etc.

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 18:25

Louisetopaz21 · 29/07/2025 18:19

It would be interesting to see the stats that informed this post. How can physically assaulting a child actually be effective surely it leads to normalising violent behaviour. Some children have additional needs such as autism or experienced trauma which can lead to them acting put in a way as they struggle to communicate their needs. I just think this is a sad way of saying it is okay to be violent towards children as it will make them behave.

Edited
Show quote history

I don't need stats. I've seen the cultural difference first hand. Children from my culture wouldn't dream of behaving the way described on Mumsnet.

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 29/07/2025 18:27

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 18:15

I think if a few more parents disciplined their kids with a smack then perhaps we wouldn't be facing a bloody epidemic of terribly behaved kids.

Every other day there's a thread on here of someone whose child is completely out of control and the advice is usually some nonsense about taking to them and giving them space.

Gentle parenting

though it’s not one or the other…

TheCurious0range · 29/07/2025 18:29

A couple of years ago I intervened with a man 'smacking' a boy on the high street, the boy was about 8/9 and he had him by the top of the arm pushing him forward and was repeatedly hitting his lower back. I came out of a shop and shouted hey you can't do that, he told me to fuck off amongst other things, and then 6'4 DH appeared behind me, I got the boy into the shop and the security from m&s called the street rangers on the radio and police came, I had the boy with me. I have no idea what happened to that boy, we gave statements and said we were willing to go to court, I did get a call a few months later and the OIC just said it was being dealt with they had CCTV and we wouldn't be needed further. So I don't know if he was charged or it became a social care matter. What surprised me was that other people didn't intervene but were watching. I do work in criminal justice so maybe I'm less intimidated by that kind of man than others.

Smacking doesn't seem to happen in our circle, but I have heard parents threaten to smack children in town. That's the only time I have seen it though.