My niece has used my son's name

[guestofclanmackenzie]

My niece has just had a baby. She lives in America so we only keep in touch very sporadically via social media.
She has announced the baby's name and I was surprised that both first and middle names are the same name as my son.
However, my son died five years ago at age 20.

They weren't particularly close cousins, but what I find extremely strange is not a word has been said to me or my DH about using his name. Not that I would expect her to ask permission, but to acknowledge it somehow.
Both my DH and I have messaged her separately on different social media platforms to say congratulations and BTW we love his name! Very little has been said back other than "thanks"
A couple of my son's friends have had babies and used my son's christian name for two of their babies as a middle name. They actually told me beforehand and asked how I would feel. I told them we're delighted by it. This is how I would feel if my niece had told us either before or after she gave birth.

But now, we're left awkwardly wondering whether something meaningful has happened in the naming of their baby; they loved the name and as a bonus, it's a nod to our son, or was it just a coincidence?

Sorry I had to respond to this. Where in my OP have I come across entitled and wanting/expecting to be centre of attention?? Also, I specifically said in my post that I don't expect a family member or friend to ask permission as such to name their baby the exact same christian name and middle name as my son! I also, and do not believe, I have come across that I feel "snubbed"
Absolutely unbelievable.

You're not kidding.

Thank you so much you have totally hit the nail on the head with my feelings and the situation overall.

Despite some posters saying otherwise, I do not demand permission for my son's full name to be used or feel entitled and expect attention. It was just a simple confirmation whether or not that my son has been honoured in a meaningful way.
I've had confirmation now that it was intended so it's nice his name lives on.

Did she send you another message then? I can't see this in your updates.

I recieved a further message from her this morning but hadn't had chance to provide an update other than within my reply to the previous poster.

Scolding a bereaved mother is really not a good look.

These bits are spectacularly insensitive and unempathetic:

'In her mind the name may well have nothing to do with you, even if it has everything to do with your son. The best thing you can do is accept this, and not feel entitled to her time or feel snubbed because she didn’t seek permission.'

'It is a terrible tragedy that your son died so early, but do try to see that his death and life were not only yours.'

What did she say? Do you think she might have seen or heard about this thread?

It’s not scolding. It’s pointing out the reality that even in deep grief you are not the centre of other people’s universe. As the niece has already evidenced this is about her and her child, not OP and hers.

I've just seen OP's response to your post and you have definitely upset her.

If there was a bereaved Mother stood in front of you would you be so adamant about having to point out she isn't the centre of the universe in relation to her sons name?

I suspect not.

Get some bloody empathy.

Well, that's lovely for you - but it's not how it is for me, or any of my friends.

I'm glad you got confirmation OP and it is lovely that your son's name stays alive.

Names are hugely important and usually carefully chosen by parents after lots of deliberation. There is obviously noway that your son did not come up for your niece when she was deciding. Names are usually associated with someone in your mind and that influences how much you like it, or how special it is to you.

To suggest that you are 'entitled' because you would assume that your niece would associate your son's name with your son seems intentionally cruel. It is suggesting that it is just any old name and his cousin, when considering it, wouldn't have even thought of your son, like he was forgotten because he wasn't important to her.

I honestly despair when I read threads on here sometimes. It seems to be just going downhill recently.

Actually, you said more than that and you intentionally twisted my words in a very sensitive post. If you believe I want to be centre of attention, then so be it. It says more about you. In reality, I'm the shell of the person I used to be and have spent the past five years laying low, almost living as a recluse and struggling to leave the house, but you carry on judging a bereaved mother and suicide survivor.
By the way, as I have already explained in another comment, my niece has this morning confirmed it was intentional to name her baby with a nod to my son.

Oh fuck off. She doesn't think she's the centre of the universe and obviously it is a bit strange for the neice to name her son the same name and not acknowledge it. Seriously fuck off!

That's really lovely OP that she did that, and a huge honour to your son. Sending love, my heart truly breaks for you 💗

That's very strange and insensitive of her. Bizzare thing to do.

Your fragility comes across in all your posts. I am guessing this is why niece didn’t know how to broach the subject. Her gesture is lovely. Your son must have touched many people. I am so sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss Op & well done for surviving the last 5 years - I can’t imagine the devastation you’re living through.

It’s strange she didn’t speak to you first but I’m glad she’s confirmed that she is honouring your DS & that you’re happy about that.

(Ignore the nastiness from some posters - totally uncalled for)

Her parents are both dead. She’s clearly also suffered tremendous loss at a young age.

I’m assuming they purposely named their babies after ops son. Nothing to do with popularity.

When a horrible person you are. It’s not about being the centre of attention. It’s about the life choice of a family member that affects the OP.

I wrote that myself! 🙄
Your contribution what to be a negative c*nt. You probably thought chatgpt wrote that too!

My advice remains: if you expect anyone (be it your neice or an internet stranger) to consider the contours of your feelings in their actions, you will be disappointed. Don’t expect other people to centre or even consider you and you will be more resilient in life.

I think that's unlikely, but neither of us can know for sure.