Unfair Grandparent Gifts

[PupPupPupAndAway]

My PILs have given my nephew an expensive 18th birthday gift and I’m fuming.

DH is one of four DC, there are a total of 9 GC. 5 have already turned 18 and have been given lovely gifts. This weekend DN turned 18 and was given a gift worth 20x what the other GC had been given.

DH is upset, but to worried about fall out to say anything. I’m angry and want to tell them to fuck off. We won’t say anything but AIBU that such obvious favouritism in a family is really shitty.

YANBU about blatant favouritism.

Is there any possibility that their finances have massively improved since the last niece or nephew turned 18 and, as a result, their gift reflects that?

What are the gifts. My child was given a less valuable 21st present by his DGM but it had greater sentimental value.

Could it be they worked out how much money per family? For example five grand to a sister for her five kids who get a grand each. And five grand to a brothers kid as he’s an only child so his “family” gets five grand too?

My ex PILs always doted on my eldest DS, and were indifferent to his younger brother. One year they bought DS a very expensive desktop PC for his birthday. My younger son got a shorts and T-shirt set from Asda on his birthday a couple of months later.

There isn’t really anything you can do except talk to them about how the other grandchildren will feel about the lack of parity in their gifts.

Unless the sibling has 20 kids, the DN would still not be getting 20x more...

The worth of a gift is more than it's financial value. Without knowing more, it's really hard to say whether this is OK or not. There might be a whole host of reasons why a different gift might be appropriate in different circumstances.

i would be fuming. I would say something it’s not fair. Try to keep the kids out of it though ie don’t point out to them about it if they’ve not noticed

My dad has begun singling out one of his grandchildren, not financially (all the GDC are being treated scrupulously equitably) but with items of sentimental value.

I'm saying nothing as it's between him and his grandchildren, but I'm anticipating issues. (My DC are nowhere near as close to him as the others and aren't one of the GDC in question. The fallout is going to be between the UK-based GDC to whom he is equally close). I don't know why he's doing it. At a guess, I think he's started thinking "fuck it: I've done everything by the book my entire life, now I'm going to please myself".

I can't imagine being so upset about a gift my in-laws gave to a grandchild, even if it's was "unfair". And you want to tell them to "fuck off" 🤨 Bizarre overreaction imo.

Could be this.
I am the eldest GC and I was given my nans ring on my 18th. Prob worth absolutely nothing financially, the others got a good few hundred pounds. I’m very grateful for the ring over money.

Maybe the DN is a nicer kid?
I don’t believe that kids have to be treated equally just because they’re related, but then it’s my money to do with as I please. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are they closer to DN? Do they see him more often? Are the other Grandchildren female? Sadly I know a few families where grandsons are treated differently to Grand-daughters.

YABU to get het up. Nothing you can do about it, apart from let it mar family relations. Move on

This really. And kids have different relationships with their grandparents.

My husband has always been close to his grandad, make a huge effort to speak to & see him, always has. BIL see’s grandad possibly 3 times a year at a push (and only when dragged really) and doesn’t so much as give him a call in between. Grandad doesn’t spend equally on them, why would he?

Have they treated your children differently to the others in other ways?

That's poor of them

Why the drip feed ?

They must have some motivation for this.

Is this the first time favouritsm has come up?

She's not replied - where's the drip feed?

Maybe it was something they really knew he wanted and couldn't afford, for a hobby or sport he does. They may have thoughtfully bought for each one without considering the monetary value too much, just got them something they thought would be really appreciated.

But also entirely up to them how much they spend on who and I'm a bit surprised anyone would be keeping count, it sounds very ungrateful.

Were the other GC happy with their gifts? If so, surely that’s all that matters? Is the expensive gift something to do with a particular hobby? Or have they bought them a car? If so, that would be v poor form IMO as it’s such obvious favouritism and something that all DGC would benefit from.

My sister’s children got cars for their 18th birthdays from my parents, my children got a tenner in a card. My children have no relationship with my parents anymore. This isn’t the reason, my parents have played favourites all their lives, they did it when I was a child too, so they have had enough.

My biggest regret is I didn’t stop the relationship sooner because it would have saved a lot of heartache and hurt.

Are they all as equally close the the GPs and make as much effort with them? I wouldn’t be fuming, your kid got a gift, graciously accept it

Is this the GC who spends the most time with them/makes most effort to see them etc?

Nothing to do with sentimentality, value per family or DN making more effort.

There has been favouritism forever, the golden child of the golden child I suppose.

I’ve spent years telling my DC that it’s not true that their GPs love them equally but this is such an explicit demonstration of favouritism.