Unfair Grandparent Gifts

529 replies

PupPupPupAndAway · 29/07/2025 14:01

My PILs have given my nephew an expensive 18th birthday gift and I’m fuming.

DH is one of four DC, there are a total of 9 GC. 5 have already turned 18 and have been given lovely gifts. This weekend DN turned 18 and was given a gift worth 20x what the other GC had been given.

DH is upset, but to worried about fall out to say anything. I’m angry and want to tell them to fuck off. We won’t say anything but AIBU that such obvious favouritism in a family is really shitty.

OP posts:

Mustbethat · 05/08/2025 07:55

Blank1234 · 04/08/2025 23:10

I’m glad you’ve been able to see a different perspective here .. because when you live through it for 20 years, every day/week whatever, seeing and hearing the difference made between gc is heartbreaking, upsetting and downright annoying and painful. The attic business/holiday here is the straw that broke the camels back.

My fil called at my house one Sunday to drop something off with dh. In tow was the other grandson, who announced “oh, grandpa is taking me to x place now, we’re going to do xyz. My son is the exact same age as other grandson, and wasn’t invited. The hurt on my ds face was horrible. Grandpa shot the other grandson ‘a look’ immediately as he’d obviously been told to keep quiet. They hurried away. That’s one example .. the list is endless. It’s fucking horrible, to put it politely.

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Reminds me of similar- fil 70th he arranged a day trip for his birthday. Fairly formal, dress code, meal etc.

took the two chosen gc, the others found out when they saw the photos on social media “lovely day out with the grandchildren for my birthday”.

yeah.

Blank1234 · 05/08/2025 12:13

thepariscrimefiles · 05/08/2025 06:03

It makes absolutely no sense to me. Why on earth wouldn't your FIL invite your son on this trip with his cousin?

Did your DH ever say anything to his dad about the unfair favouritism towards the other grandson? There must come a point where going low or no contact is the only way to stop this happening. Obviously, your FIL won't see that he has done anything wrong, but at least your son won't know about the trips that his cousin is going on with their grandfather.

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It was a day trip about 20 miles away. But to answer your question as to why he didn’t invite my son - because as this thread shows, some gp are just horrible 🤷♀️ There is no rhyme or reason to it, no justification. It wasn’t just the grandson, we have other children, so did the other side. We said things many times over the years, then eventually went almost fully nc over something much bigger. One il has passed away and all they wanted was to heal the rift before hand … sorry but you’ve had 8 years to do that but didn’t bother, so no, the rift wasn’t healed. When the other il goes, everything will no doubt go to the other side, dh and our dc will get nothing - there’s a substantial estate. It’s shit. Nothing can ever make me understand or comprehend why parents/grandparents can treat their own children/grandchildren so differently. It’s horrendous to live with/through - many posters don’t realise this as they haven’t lived it.

Blank1234 · 05/08/2025 12:14

Mustbethat · 05/08/2025 07:55

Reminds me of similar- fil 70th he arranged a day trip for his birthday. Fairly formal, dress code, meal etc.

took the two chosen gc, the others found out when they saw the photos on social media “lovely day out with the grandchildren for my birthday”.

yeah.

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It’s the worst isn’t it 😡

Epidote · 05/08/2025 17:59

Good about the loft. If they want to get angry is up to them or ask someone else to do it.
In this case they are the ones that expect your DH to do something that he doesn't necessarily has to do.

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