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Original poster

Have I actually done anything wrong?

374 replies

muchpreferanimals · 29/07/2025 09:55

A few weeks ago my brother announced he had left his wife of 20+ years and his children for another woman and he wanted me to meet her.
I was shocked but agreed they could come over and we did a barbecue and sat outside.
I am very close to my SIL so found this all a bit of a shock but I could see they were very happy and we had a nice afternoon.
Later on my brother called me angrily and said I should have taken down the family pictures that had him and his ex in before they arrived and said I was very insensitive and had upset his new gf and caused problems.

For context I have a lot of pictures in the hall that have been there years and she is in a couple of them and as we sat outside she could only have noticed them on the way to the toilet.

I explained I hadn’t given it a thought and as it was all so sudden I was concerned about him rather than erasing all trace of my SIL from my wall.
Dh seemed to be of the assumption we should immediately take all pictures with her in down to make peace but I think I’ve done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t have to feel sorry that she was offended by this.

I had no intention of causing any upset and I’m really upset it was taken out on me, db is usually quite down to earth but now he would like me to apologise and I feel like I have to admit wrong doing to make amends.

OP posts:
FlourSugarButter · 29/07/2025 16:46

muchpreferanimals · 29/07/2025 10:30

I met her because my brother wanted me to and as it is I think I risk losing my relationship with him now for causing issue if I don’t make things right.

In your shoes I'd rather lose relationship with an entitled and ungrateful brother who just cheated on his partner than my relationship with my innocent niece and nephews and their mother

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 29/07/2025 16:53

Sounds like this new woman isn't going to be as easy and breezy as he first thought. He's rude to come at you like that. Bang out of order! I bet the story would amuse SIL.

Richiewoo · 29/07/2025 16:54

He's being a prick and the new woman is oversensitive.

Zanzara · 29/07/2025 16:55

fourelementary · 29/07/2025 14:51

Has anyone else considered that the new GF may have been lied to about the recency of the split? Or the happiness of the marriage? And the photos are showing the brother out as the liar he is?

My ex husband got really annoyed when I popped in to see him at work (when we were still together) and he was with a colleague. Turned out the colleague was the OW who thought we were separated…

Yes, I did @fourelementary, see my post of 13.40. I'm a bit surprised more people haven't thought about that.

wizzywig · 29/07/2025 17:03

@5foot5 men stick together innit. Op would also be erased out of the house if he did the same

WeCouldDoBetter · 29/07/2025 17:04

DB is a scumbag. I wouldn't have anything to do with the new woman for the forseeable future tbh. He has literally just replaced your SIL. What an arsehole.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 29/07/2025 17:25

"The photos you have on your wall upset my new girlfriend."

"Tell her not to look at them then."

Done.

MyDeftDuck · 29/07/2025 17:26

Ghostofallnightmares · 29/07/2025 10:00

Tell him to fuck off. You are already miles ahead of me in having her over. Neither of them get to dictate what decor is in your house.
Tell him to fuck off.

This.
What an entitled silly little boy your brother is.

FreyaW · 29/07/2025 17:34

thepariscrimefiles · 29/07/2025 12:57

In the OP she says:

'Dh seemed to be of the assumption we should immediately take all pictures with her in down to make peace'

Show quote history

Yes.. saw that after & followed up stating so. I missed it initially because both letters weren't capitalised..

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 29/07/2025 17:37

Well I'd be worried about your dbs choice of girlfriend tbh. If she's so insecure/upset about db ex wife in family photos what other worrying traits does she have!!

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 29/07/2025 17:37

Well I'd be worried about your dbs choice of girlfriend tbh. If she's so insecure/upset about db ex wife in family photos what other worrying traits does she have!!

speakball · 29/07/2025 17:38

Money on it being your brother who is pissed off. He’s probably feeling guilty for some reason and you are the convenient scapegoat

Does your brother have form for taking stuff out on people when his feelings are big?

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 29/07/2025 17:41

Oh dear, your DB has revealed himself as an arsehole! Or maybe you already knew 😂

Tricky for you in this situation I agree, as he’s likely to double down defending the OW (who sounds like an absolute peach herself).

I don’t think I’d be removing any pictures on his petulant say-so tbh.

Blank1234 · 29/07/2025 18:01

Quite honestly, I’d have told your brother it was far too early for you to be meeting his new girlfriend 🤷‍♀️
I would now also tell him to grow the fuck up, and realise he has a past, his children have a mother, you all have your memories in these photos. It really is that simple. He cannot dictate what you do in your own home, and he should not be trying to erase his children’s mother this way, just to please his new girlfriend. He’s not fucking 16 ffs. Tell him to grow up.

HisNibs · 29/07/2025 18:04

Your brother is a petulant little shit isn't he OP? I'm going to guess he's at least in his 40s with a 20+ marriage and within weeks wants to inject a new partner into the family? Definitely say no to the man-child. Has he tried this with your parents (big assumption but they're still around, yes?)

bjkhilg890 · 29/07/2025 18:07

AutumnLover1989 · 29/07/2025 10:00

He's being ridiculous. He's probably having a go because deep down he's guilty and looking at you to blame.

This. Why should his new gf be so upset by pictures of your db’s ex, given that she’s known about her all along anyway?

diddl · 29/07/2025 18:11

Has anyone else considered that the new GF may have been lied to about the recency of the split? Or the happiness of the marriage? And the photos are showing the brother out as the liar he is?

Well then more fool her for getting with someone still married.

Hotdays · 29/07/2025 18:21

cha04 · 29/07/2025 14:53

If you’re close to your SIL you should not have even entertained him and his new partner. That was what you did wrong

OP hasnt done anything wrong, she cannot be held responsible for her brothers behaviours!

simpsonthecat · 29/07/2025 18:31

Hotdays · 29/07/2025 18:21

OP hasnt done anything wrong, she cannot be held responsible for her brothers behaviours!

Show quote history

Well... I think she has.

Inviting a new girlfriend of her brother's for a BBQ when he ditched his wife of 20 years just 'a few weeks ago' is callous and mean.

I would be standing back. Waiting to see if the relationship developed. Checking up on my SIL who the OP said she was very close to. Supporting the kids left behind after their Dad has just left them. It would be a fairly long time before I would want to meet her. If it lasted, that is.

Not having jollies with the new girlfriend.

Hotdays · 29/07/2025 18:43

simpsonthecat · 29/07/2025 18:31

Well... I think she has.

Inviting a new girlfriend of her brother's for a BBQ when he ditched his wife of 20 years just 'a few weeks ago' is callous and mean.

I would be standing back. Waiting to see if the relationship developed. Checking up on my SIL who the OP said she was very close to. Supporting the kids left behind after their Dad has just left them. It would be a fairly long time before I would want to meet her. If it lasted, that is.

Not having jollies with the new girlfriend.

Show quote history

I dont think OP is having jollies with the new gf, and nowhere does it suggest that she is not checking up on her x SIL, nowhere does it suggest that she is not supporting the children in any way. She is in an awkward position of fine balance to keep everyone comfortable and I commend her.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 29/07/2025 18:55

You did nothing wrong in fact I would have refused to have her over saying that it was all too soon! They are the villains of the piece and of course they are “happy” - it’s SIL & children who are suffering. If she is going to ban photos of the mother of his children at this stage, it doesn’t bode well and more fool him for agreeing!

sandyhappypeople · 29/07/2025 19:08

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 29/07/2025 17:37

Well I'd be worried about your dbs choice of girlfriend tbh. If she's so insecure/upset about db ex wife in family photos what other worrying traits does she have!!

Very much this.. any new girlfriend this "upset" by evidence of his former life is going to be a horrible step-parent.

Klp122 · 29/07/2025 19:34

Your DB and situation sounds very similar to mine, @muchpreferanimals , and he expects me to cut all ties with my SIL. Anyway I'll save that its own thread.

Ultimately your DB is a selfish arrogant bully and his DP is an insecure troublemaker. DB is being p*ssyehipped by her as they are still in the honeymoon stage.

You and DH need to stand up to them both and not host them again for a long time, if at all.

simpsonthecat · 29/07/2025 19:54

You and DH need to stand up to them both and not host them again for a long time, if at all.

And apologise to your SIL

I would feel so betrayed if I were her

cha04 · 29/07/2025 20:04

Hotdays · 29/07/2025 18:21

OP hasnt done anything wrong, she cannot be held responsible for her brothers behaviours!

Show quote history

If she’s close to her she’s betrayed her along with the brother. You can say what you like but she has.

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