To say MIL not sleeping on new sofa when it arrives?

[Starry4321]

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

Personally I see no-issue with her but I'd draw the line at the dog.

How do you think she'll ruin it?

I'm confused. If your current sofa is big and comfy then why are you replacing it, especially with something that doesn't meet your needs that include being a spare bed? You have a toddler, so the idea that a light sofa will be FINE with the toddler but "ruined" by MIL sleeping is ridiculous. Scotchgard is essential and get extra covers plus use sheets.

I wouldn't allow a dog on the sofa though, that's fair enough.

I think you need to give your head a wobble on this one

A sticky fingered 2 year old is going to be far more of a problem than gran sleeping on it.

What sort of dog does she have ( I’m not sure if this matters but assume some dogs shed/slobber/scratch more than others?)

I do understand the desire to keep it pristine and just for its main function but I think that’s a new things anxiety rather than an actual issue

Enjoy your new sofa!

My son only has a one bedroom flat so I sleep on the sofa when I go there. Actually " don't sleep" on the sofa would be the accurate description. The biggest problem being the bedding falling off and onto the floor multiple times in the night.

So personally if I was your MiL I would be delighted with the offer of a put- me- up bed.

And I think she should respect your wishes anout your new sofa, which I find perfectly understandable and reasonable.

Could you explain why it is understandable and reasonable?

Id say Mil can sleep on it but not the dog.

It’s about 10 years old with some damage from wear and tear. Sagging seat cushions etc. We are redecorating the living room right now so decided to take the plunge with new one. It has lasted us well.

I have it in my head that sofas aren’t designed to be slept on and it would ruin the cushions and the shape. Plus the dog is quite smelly. Maybe I am just being over protective of the new purchase as we don’t often buy things like this!

Toddler could mark it yes, but we have taken out a policy which means the will professionally clean our sofa if it gets marks we can’t remove.

It was more the sagging seat cushions over time I was worried about as that’s not as easily fixed as a mark.

Buy a big thick washable elasticated cover for the sofa and put that on BEFORE MIL arrives, then bedding etc goes over that. Always use it for guests, or before kids' parties etc. Should keep your sofa pristine.

OP I understand where you're coming from, but if space is at a premium, even another pop up option perhaps isn't a good idea, as you have to store it somewhere afterwards. I also agree with a pp that your toddler is going to be more of a problem for the sofa than your MIL. 😊 Mine threw up on my sofa the week after we got it!

I wouldn't want the dog on it though.

It’s a large smelly (albeit it nice and friendly) dog! They come as a package so it would be difficult for me to suggest dog sleeps on floor.

You are setting yourself up for a whole world of stress with a fancy light coloured sofa and a toddler. Even with the faffy cleaning policies, it sounds like a complication you could do without. How often does MIL stay?

Smelly dog is a definite no. Although the sofa cover suggested earlier might help with that.

I don’t think the cushions are going to be damaged by an occasional sleepover. Weight is distributed more than when it’s being sat on.

This!

My cat has clawed my sofa and my one year old already got jam over it. Yes it did cost quite a bit but it’s a materialistic possession that I have no attachment too. My MIL can happily sleep on it in comfort if she wished, even with a dog ( as long as it slept on a cover 😂😂)

You've got a toddler. Believe me,that sofa is not going to be pristine for long! It'll be fine for a couple of nights with your MIL.

Perhaps tell DH that you can either book her a hotel until you've both agreed a way forward or cancel the sofa. Noone should override anyone else on how the sofa is used.

I was just going to post this !, a big thick mattress protector thing that can go over for mil to sleep on or even a yoga mat to go over the cushions? Also I would get a couple of nice throws to put on when dog is visiting especially but even for day to day life with a toddler will help. Also make sure you ban all food and drink on the sofa with the toddler, I bought mine a little matching chair or his own and a little table which meant he didn’t really use the new sofa so much

Got a new, light sofa at the weekend and dh slept on it last night and I felt the same but made him put a single mattress topper down and sheet over the whole thing. It looks absolutely fine today. I'm more concerned about my bastard cat I caught trying to claw it yesterday. I'd keep a throw over it anyway due to your toddler and her dog when it comes.

Tell DH to let his mum know the dog smells can you bathe him before he comes please.

Buy sofa covers and fit before they arrive.

problems solved.

Fwiw OP, our "sticky toddler" ate in the kitchen, washed hands and played worh sticky toys at the table woth a supervising adult. We also had cosy blankets at the ready incase we'd been out somewhere messy like the woods and we taught DC to sit nicely on the sofa, not jump or throw themselves onto it. It's really not that hard to teach kids and have nice things so don't be too worried by other peoples worries vs other people's loved experience of it being fine if you take the right steps.

Just put a blanket or something over it when the dog comes - your rule about nobody sleeping on it is a bit silly though!

MIL will be fine. Sleeping on it should cause less damage than sitting, because the weight isn't all in one place. But if the dog is smelly/hairy/slobbery then no. I love dogs but they wreck furniture if you let them on it. If MIL thinks this is unreasonable that's her problem, not yours. The dog does need a bed though, so if MIL can't bring one because of public transport etc, then you need to ask what sort of bed should be bought for the dog. Whether you pay or she does is tricky, but in this case offering to pay would be a good way to smooth the way and resolve the problem amicably.

Well I was always given to belive that sleeping on the sofa wasnt good for it because it led to the seat cushions getting misshapen -because of the way the body imprints on them in a totally different way from sitting on them. I dont know if it's true or just another myth from my rule filled childhood: sofas are for sitting on not lying on or jumping on or playing on.

And to me getting a new sofa is a big deal and I can understand OP not wanting it to get marked or stained. And wanting it to look " new" for as long as possible. Again my experience from the past would be a new sofa having a throw on it to protect it for every day use and the throw being taken off when visitors were expected.

It's very hard to release oneself from the habits and beliefs instilled when you were brought up in a strict household where money was pretty tight.

I’m struggling to understand why the sofa will be more affected by your MIL’s head than by your own arse.

That said, I understand the sentiment. I just don’t think there is any logic behind it.

Maybe it’s more the dog that’s the issue.

I think it’s fine to not want them to sleep on your new sofa!

Although if we didn’t have a bed for guests we would sleep on a blow up bed in the front room and give the guest our room, especially if they had come so far (maybe not the dog though!).

How often does she stay?