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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say MIL not sleeping on new sofa when it arrives?

259 replies

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:02

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lalapopo · 29/07/2025 19:35

Totally not the point of the thread, but you're brave getting a light coloured sofa with two little ones. We desperately need a new sofa but my boys are 3 and 1 and it still feels like too much of a gamble 🤣

Gerwurtztraminer · 29/07/2025 19:36

Agree, get a large, thick waterproof mattress protector (john Lewis, Dunelm etc sell them) to go underneath a sturdy sofa cover or throw, both of which can be washed after MiL & dog leave

You might want to leave these on long term to keep sofa toddler proof as well!

I doubt infrequent use will cause significant seat sagging but even if they do, you can usually replace foam inners quite cheaply.

Velvian · 29/07/2025 19:39

Buy a bed for your toddlers room, your DC will need a bed soon anyway.

Velvian · 29/07/2025 19:39

...and get some throws for your new sofa if it's likely the dog will get on it.

Narwhalsh · 29/07/2025 19:46

It sounds like what you need is a sofa bed?!

Upinthetreetops · 29/07/2025 19:50

Haven't RTFT so apologies if I have missed it...but how often does MIL come to stay for it to actually be an issue? Is it a couple of times a week every week, where yeah maybe she'd squash the seat cushions a bit? Or more like once a month? Seeing as she lives 5 hours away I didn't think it would be often enough to have much of an impact.

PixiePuffBall · 29/07/2025 19:50

You are absolutely not being unreasonable to not want a dog's anus and your MIL's night sweat all over your new sofa

NightDreaming · 29/07/2025 20:00

@Starry4321 I completely understand where you are coming from. It is however hard to back track from what you’ve previously been allowing. And I can understand why your husband would find it difficult to now say no to him mum.

What I do think you might be able to implement is no dog(s)/animals on the sofa, whatever time of the day. And then buy a really good mattress protector that you can put over the sofa when she sleeps there. If MiL says the dog has to sleep next to her offer to get a bow up mattress (we have a great self inflating king sized one, good ones are out there for much less then the cost of a new sofa) or you can look into airbnbs near by.

The issue might be getting your husband on side with what your boundary might be. Good luck.

Firealarms · 29/07/2025 20:00

I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s fine to not want a dog on your new sofa - but not to say MIL herself isn’t allowed on the sofa. If you don’t trust her to keep the dog off the furniture, then it goes back to you not wanting the dog on your furniture. So use that as the argument, don’t say you don’t want MIL on the furniture as it comes off as rude. I don’t really think she’s going to do any damage to the cushions, by sleeping on the sofa infrequently. The dog’s bodily fluids/odour etc is a different matter though. If you have a strong argument, don’t muddy it with weak tangential points.

sandwichlover93 · 29/07/2025 20:04

Sleeping on sofas is a no no - it will ruin the cushions and misshape them. I wouldn’t let a dog in my house, let alone on my new sofa. You’re not being unreasonable.

whycantIbestylishtoo · 29/07/2025 20:10

DRFT so I may have missed this, sorry, but in what world did you get to the point of ordering a new sofa without having first agreed on what to do with MIL, seeing how her visits are seemingly frequent and an important part of your lives?

PeppermintPatty10 · 29/07/2025 20:18

Can you say that you appreciate MIL's visits and want to honour them with getting her a proper fold out bed / air bed / futon / whatever she wants, so that she is comfortable and feels welcomed at your house? That way it's more like you're making space for her and investing in her visits..

I don't like the thought of someone sleeping on my sofa either, OP, and I can't believe it's more comfortable than a proper fold out bed!

UnreadyEthel · 29/07/2025 20:19

YABU for not having replaced your old sofa with a dark coloured sofa bed.

I would let MIL and dog sleep on the new sofa, but make sure it is very well covered with throws/sheets first. You’ll need plenty of throws on it anyway for when your toddler and new baby get their mitts on it.

Pherian · 29/07/2025 20:19

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:02

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

Sounds like you should have discussed this before you bought the sofa. You could have bought one with a bed.

Caroparo52 · 29/07/2025 20:19

Its not mil. Its toddler and dog. Put covers on for both

ButtonMoonLoon · 29/07/2025 20:26

Did you not consider ordering a sofa with an integrated pull out sofa bed?

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 29/07/2025 20:43

Someone sleeping on a sofa for a few nights won't make it saggy or misshapen. But a smelly dog may permeate, so you'll just have to provide lots of covers to prevent that.
It might well be, as has been suggested upthread, that the new sofa isn't as comfortable to MIL, and next time she'll accept the offer of a blow-up bed.

PinkPonyClubb · 29/07/2025 21:09

@Starry4321 I can’t believe some of the ridiculous suggestions you are getting! I am 100% with you on this. I wouldn’t want a adult sleeping on my new sofa let alone a dog - that’s actually disgusting. If I moved my toddler out of their room for a few nights they would be so confused and upset - it would be a nightmare. I also wouldn’t let a dog sleep in my bed. Your suggestion of a camp style bed is perfect. I think MIL knows it’s CF behaviour sleeping on a new couch with a dog by her reply “can’t wait to sleep on it.” That’s her subtle way of telling her son her and the dog will still be staying. I’m 100% with you on this one. DH is IBU

olympicsrock · 29/07/2025 22:02

YANBU
sofas get smelly if they are slept on. No way would I have someone sleep on my new sofa and 💯 not reasonable to have your dog sleep on the furniture in someone else’s house .

MarieAndTwinette · 30/07/2025 07:36

Clementina49er · 29/07/2025 12:43

@Starry4321 So why did you buy a sofa bed rather than just a sofa if you were worried about the fact that sleeping on it would make it a less good sofa? We have sofas that do not turn in to beds for this very reason.

I don’t think she says she has a sofa bed. The op just says sofa.

MarieAndTwinette · 30/07/2025 07:38

Perhaps you should just have a conversation with mil and ask for her advice. Tell her that you don’t want to use the new sofa as a bed but that you want her to feel comfortable when she comes and are therefore looking into different options. Then give her a choice and get her to say which she would prefer (but sofa is not one of those options!).

Morgenrot25 · 30/07/2025 07:40

KassandraOfSparta · 29/07/2025 08:41

Dog on sofa? Absolutely not. If that means MIL can't sleep on it either, hard cheese.

This, absolutely this.
I wouldn't be giving up my bed either.
Most guests are happy to sleep on whatever is offered.

Morgenrot25 · 30/07/2025 07:42

Pherian · 29/07/2025 20:19

Sounds like you should have discussed this before you bought the sofa. You could have bought one with a bed.

Show quote history

Why?
It's OPs house, so her choice.

Welshmonster · 30/07/2025 07:56

Why don’t you get a sofa bed for toddlers room. Or buy a bed for there as toddler will grow. Presume baby 2 will eventually move into second room so you’ll need to sort something.

MascaraGirl · 30/07/2025 09:01

I think MIL knows it’s CF behaviour sleeping on a new couch with a dog by her reply “can’t wait to sleep on it.” That’s her subtle way of telling her son her and the dog will still be staying. I’m 100% with you on this one. DH is IBU

I thought this too. MIL is being antagonistic and a bit territorial here.

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