To say MIL not sleeping on new sofa when it arrives?

[Starry4321]

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

I have been sleeping on one of our beige sofas for 5 years now and at my max weight I was 19 stone. Genuinely you can’t see any difference between it and the other one, sleeping on a sofa does no damage.

I put a flat sheet down as if it was a bed and wash it weekly like any other bedding.

Also, we have a rather stinky hairy dog of our own who is regularly on the sofa. So we put down throws in her favourite spot and wash them weekly too.

There is no reason why MIL or dog should cause any damage.

I agree that sofas aren't for sleeping on. We sweat when we sleep and oils from hair and body could end up on the upholstery. If someone is going to sleep on a sofa, it needs a mattress protector or something as a mattress protector, plus sheet, arm covers and then pillows and a duvet.

This is good advice

Mattress topper/waterproof sheet/top sheet?

May be buy the dog a present - a dog bed.

Problem solved.

This is a very sensible idea.

The difference is I chose to word my post as just that, an opinion…

I used an example of a personal routine, I considered other peoples in my first paragraph, I chose brackets to reinforce a stronger thought and show that I understood it was my own and so it didn’t deflect the rest of my post and I ended with a question to try to understand other peoples opinions further.

You chose to quote mine and throw your own at it but word it like a fact

“Asking for the dog not to go on the sofa is perfectly reasonable. Asking MIL not to sleep on it in case she affects the cushions is not.”

This read more like a statement than an opinion and also suggests you could be someone that wouldn’t consider others might think differently

I chose to point this out.

@Starry4321 fold out z bed. could be put in hall cupboard when she has gone. I just use blow up single size bed. same height and width of a single bed. I agree people should not be sleeping on a sofa. sofas nowadays are not built to last like they used to be. https://www.shein.co.uk/ark/4311?goodsid=50010624&test=5051&urlfrom=adhub309707913&scene=1&pf=google&adtype=DPA&language=en&siteuid=uk&abtparam=100555021a&landingpageid=4311&adtestid=39005&requestId=olw-4w68wwq7utk3&cid=22659419985&gadsource=1&skucode=I119tqqa50wx&onelink=0/googlefeeduk&network=g&gadcampaignid=22659419985&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4qHEBhCDARIsALYKFNMmi4aEmulY8s9lR6jg7cOtC3ND3SmPHgxOmBC5SMJ2Bn7wj0TxzhYaAt6FEALwwcB&adid=757702161724&geoid=9046861&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO63FIzw9pH3geISLLKhT7Cu&setid=181065036939&kwd=aud-2175865356926:pla-332298433642&currency=GBP&lang=en

Also, if the cushions are removable... The softplay kids enjoy making with them will be far more damaging 😂😂

I truly can't see why sleeping on a well protected sofa for a few nights would ruin it. I can understand why you might not want the dog on it - mine is allowed on my settee, but that is my personal choice.
As a MIL, I would be a bit insulted if I was told I could no longer sleep on the settee in case I damaged it.

Absolute nonsense. Presumably the only thing that would satisfy your absurd requirements would be for everyone to preface their posts with "in my opinion" or "I think". Just silly, and completely unnecessary in a forum that is all about asking for other people's opinions.

I don't think it is unreasonable to say you don't want the dog sleeping on your new sofa.

However, I don't see how you can practically stop it if your MIL is determined to sleep with her dog and your partner isn't willing to back you.

I think it would be OK to say, "MIL, I'm not comfortable with the dog sleeping on the new sofa. Partly because it's new, but also because it's not a sofa bed so we can't even put proper bedding on it to protect the upholstery from dog hairs. Would you mind sleeping on the blow up bed instead please?"

No way would I let a slobbery dog on my sofa, never mind a new sofa. Gross.

I would let the dog sleep on it but draw the line at the MIL!
Seriously just buy a mattress protector and put this on the sofa when they sleep on it, it is not a huge issue and easily solved.

How big is this sofa that an adult and a big dog can fit on it lying down?

why can’t the dog sleep in the floor next to the sofa?

to avoid smells, get a quilted throw like this
https://amzn.eu/d/6MGxta1

its machine washable and thick enough to absorb smells. Put it under any bed linen you use. Just wash it after every stay.

how often does she stay? The cushions will be fine. Body weight is spread out when lying down so it will be less pressure than sitting on a sofa and you don’t mind people sitting on it.

Because its hers. Its new.. and its her sofa.. oh and Its HER NEW sofa!

Give her your bed and you sleep on blow up bed in living room (assuming you won't both fit on sofa)

It’s not her sofa / it’s the family sofa and you are being daft to buy something for the family that don’t meet all the needs of the whole family

use a heavy bedspread or several layers of protective fabric between the sofa fabric and the bedding.

Why not give her your bed and you stay on the blow up mattress. She is a guest after all?

I used to have this. I ended up putting a ban on everyone sleeping over at our house. That is for everyone (friends & family). I have two kids. They have their own rooms. They don't give up their space for anyone (they aren't expected to). We don't have space for a pop up bed and my sofa is for sitting on, not sleeping on. I have a kid with additional needs and a teenager going through GCSEs. My DH does shift work. Family are welcome to visit but no one spends the night. I expect you to find someone place else to sleep, just as I would visiting family.
This may be harsh to some people but I had MIL coming to stay every single week. She would then bring over GIL who had dementia and it was awful for everyone (especially gran) all because MIL insisted on seeing her boy (my DH) every single week on his one day off. As a family we had to say enough was enough. She only lived 30 minutes away. 🙄

Why didn't you get a sofa bed? Then no person or dog, is sleeping on the outward cover of the sofa, but on the purpose made inner part suitable for sleeping on.

It’s a sofa made for sitting 🤣

Absolute nonsense, in your opinion. ☺️

I've heard it all now... buy the dog a bed. How about MIL gets someone to check in on her dog and she leaves it at home? How about MIL doesn't actually sleep over in the first place? How about she books herself into a nice B&B or just sleeps on a nice pull out bed instead of ruining a brand new sofa with her pet?
Why does her DIL have to bend over backwards? Why is it up to the DIL to solve? Why isn't her DS trying to sort this? I bet he will get arsey if anything happens to the new sofa .... probably passive aggressively and towards his wife...not at his mother.

A sofa is an object and replaceable. A mother’s comfort and feeling of welcome in your home is emotional and lasting. If MIL is used to sleeping there, feels comfortable, and looks forward to it, maybe this isn’t the hill to die on. Covering it well, setting some rules (like a blanket for the dog), and choosing kindness might go further than protecting a piece of furniture.