DH overreacting over

[NoWinnersOnlyLosers]

i will try to resume the situation:

I am on holiday at the moment visiting family (parents, siblings…)

I left my children yesterday with my parents so that I could catch up with friends over the weekend. Bear in mind I can only see them once a year and I am the default parent for my children and I don’t get a break, only ever when they are at school (if that counts).

On returning, my DD5 informed me while crying that her grandad told her off for dropping the remote and waking up grandma who was sleeping on the sofa in the living room. She also told me that she received a head slap for it but she cried for that.

I spoke to him and he admitted that it was a flick but was remorseful of what he did. I told him I expect this to never happen again as I have never laid a finger on them.

Now, my Dd informed her dad over a video call and she explained what happened. This didn’t sit well with him (which I understand) but he decided unilaterally to cut short our holiday by 2 weeks and book a flight for us.

He refused to talk to my parents and said he expects us to get on the plane well before our initial timeframe.

I asked my eldest child to explain what happened and if it was witnessed and the situation was explained and nothing more was added.

While I don’t accept the use of violence of any kind on children, my dad has never laid a hand on us and I feel it has developed in a molehill out of a grain of sand.

Now my eldest is crying that my husband has ruined the time with their grandparents.

My youngest is crying because she hasn’t been to the beach yet.

My mum is crying because she only gets to see us in summer.

I am equally devastated and angry as the time I have to decompress is gone and I have yet to organise plenty of things here.

My dad doesn’t know this yet as he was sleeping when all this was unfolding.

And my husband wants to impose and is a square man. He is difficult to convince otherwise and has spent money we don’t have to prove a point and damage my relationship with my parents with me being stuck in the middle.
He does not care about my family the same as he does not care about his side of the family.

WWYD?

So your father slapped your 5 year old across the face. Your husband is right.

You are the parent in charge of the children at the moment. It is your call, not his, and he is being extremely disrespectful to you.

Do you have IRL friends you could ring for counsel?

A head slap is a slap to the back of the head, not the face. Not that it matters though

Your H is being controlling but - wow, I would feel the same as him.

Your father hit your small child. It’s not a ‘grain of sand.’ It’s shocking you’re minimising it like that.

Whilst not condoning what your father did, I agree with you that your husband has over reacted. Personally I would stay for the rest of the holiday. Your husband sounds very controlling.

He hit her. That's enough. Get away.

You are minimising what your father did. Dropping the remote control is not a big deal but his reaction was to physically reprimand her?

At the same time, your DH should not have booked earlier flights without discussing it with you and you both being in agreement. He is being controlling and you don't have to put up with it.

You are struggling with both relationships with the men in your life.

It's time to stop handing over control to them and decide for yourself what you want to do.

I’d have booked the flight myself!

Don’t teach your DC is ok for adults to hit them.

At least your small girl has one parent putting her first.

If i was your DH id have only focused on getting Dd away from physical abuse asap too

He is difficult to convince otherwise and has spent money we don’t have to prove a point and damage my relationship with my parents with me being stuck in the middle.

No, your dad did that when he chose to slap your daughter across her head.

If you don't want to go home with your husband I can understand that.

But hell would freeze over before I left my kids with a FIL who thinks slapping my child across the head is ok.

Agree that the men in this scenario have both behaved appallingly. And I do wonder if you’ve picked another version of your dad to marry.

Both?

Her DH is taking his DD’s out of a shit situation where she got a slap for dropping a fucking remote!!

Your husband is right. Your father hit your child in the head for something tiny. You are completely in the wrong for calling your child being hit in the head a grain of sand, if anyone hit my child I'd have removed them from the situation myself.

100% behind your husband. Your 5 year old was hit by an adult male who happens to be your father. Get her away from him.

You've dealt with your father.

Now deal with your husband.

He doesn't have the right to make that decision without consulting you and without your okay. People treat you the way you teach them to and the way you allow them to.

Tell him you and the children won't be leaving early. Then don't.

You claiming to "be stuck in the middle" equals you being passive. If you're passive, that's what you get. Don't be passive. Be a force to be reckoned with. :)

Your dh has massively overreached. I don’t condone violence but I have visions of my late dgd threatening to give us (and sometimes doing it) a thick ear. Your dad probably acted out if impulse and non wanting to wake your mum. Unless he has form for this don’t cut your holiday short, just supervise the kids better.

I agree with this.

what happens if you refuse to get on the earlier flight and stick to the later flight?

You also seem to have minimised what your father has done.

How has the child's dad behaved appallingly?

One of the little girl's parents needs to take this seriously, and the OP is massively downplaying it.

It all sounds very fraught and reactionary. You are there. Your husband isn’t. You handled the aftermath. You get to decide whether it’s right to study or leave early.

Stop downplaying violence against children.

Your own grandad not only threatened you with violence but he carried it out too.

And now look how that's affected you as an adult.

You're literally excusing this grown man slapping a child around the head out of 'impulse'.

You go and visit your family once a year, your dad should be the doting grandad and fuss over you and your children....instead he chose to show aggression...over such a small thing he chose to make your DD cry. Your husband is being overprotective as he should be....but booking your flights earlier is unfair to you but a good reminder to your dad to never behave like that again. what would he do if you stood your ground and say no and stayed till your holiday officially over?

If anyone threatened to give my child a thick ear I wouldnt be seeing them anymore. Aching out of impulse doesn't make it any better either - if anything it makes someone sound out of control. If a partner slapped me on the back of the head I would be ending the relationship.

Why was your husband not looking after your children?

I would not cut the holiday short, but that’s only if your daughter (the one who’d been slapped) is ok to continue staying with your parents.