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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s comment

203 replies

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:25

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Daria32 · 27/07/2025 20:27

But surely he’s saying it’s a bad photo? Not that it represents what you really look like? We all have those photos snapped just at the wrong moment when we look awful!

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 27/07/2025 20:29

You were nasty about another womans photo….He said yours isn’t so good either 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:29

Daria32 · 27/07/2025 20:27

But surely he’s saying it’s a bad photo? Not that it represents what you really look like? We all have those photos snapped just at the wrong moment when we look awful!

It is objectively a bad photo but what’s upset me is rather than mentioning it when he saw it, he’s saved it in his memory and then hurt me with it hours after when we weren’t talking about the wedding photos. Like he wanted to punish me for commenting negatively about another woman.

OP posts:
Unconvinced8768 · 27/07/2025 20:29

How horrid of him. To shame you by showing you a bad photo of yourself is inexcusable. I’m sorry that happened.

TheCurious0range · 27/07/2025 20:30

Surely the point is we can all take a bad photo?

hmmimnotsurewhy · 27/07/2025 20:31

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 27/07/2025 20:29

You were nasty about another womans photo….He said yours isn’t so good either 🤷‍♀️

I thought the same…

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:31

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 27/07/2025 20:29

You were nasty about another womans photo….He said yours isn’t so good either 🤷‍♀️

Oh totally, I was not being complimentary. I just can’t imagine a scenario where my husband makes a negative passing comment about another man when we’re on our own and I then draw his attention to a terrible picture of him that he can’t even remove.
I’m probably being sensitive though.

OP posts:
Yabberwok · 27/07/2025 20:32

But you were being negative about another woman, he jokenly clearly has sad one of the photos of someone else's wedding isn't great of you.

We found some photos of us on our honeymoon and just after this afternoon...my wife was laughing at how shit she looked in most...eyes closed, not smiling, hair all over the shop...of course I look great in all of mine!

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:32

Unconvinced8768 · 27/07/2025 20:29

How horrid of him. To shame you by showing you a bad photo of yourself is inexcusable. I’m sorry that happened.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 20:33

You made a negative comment about someone else's photo and - up until that point - he hadn't said a thing about the photo of you, he only did so in response to your negative comment. Was he just trying to make a point to you? He wasn't 'saving anything up' - he said it in response to your unkindness about another woman's photo. He might not have even said it, had you not made your comment first. It's where that whole saying "You're no oil painting either" comes from - it's reminding people to be nicer.

Also... photos are just photos. They aren't exactly how you look in real life. We all have bad photos of us. Even supermodels! I think you need a build a bridge and get over this. He was giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Sailing8 · 27/07/2025 20:34

You both made unnecessarily nasty comments about a woman’s appearance, so YAbothBU

Mrsttcno1 · 27/07/2025 20:34

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 20:33

You made a negative comment about someone else's photo and - up until that point - he hadn't said a thing about the photo of you, he only did so in response to your negative comment. Was he just trying to make a point to you? He wasn't 'saving anything up' - he said it in response to your unkindness about another woman's photo. He might not have even said it, had you not made your comment first. It's where that whole saying "You're no oil painting either" comes from - it's reminding people to be nicer.

Also... photos are just photos. They aren't exactly how you look in real life. We all have bad photos of us. Even supermodels! I think you need a build a bridge and get over this. He was giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Edited

Yeah I agree with this.

It’s a “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it” one really.

whitewineandsun · 27/07/2025 20:35

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 27/07/2025 20:29

You were nasty about another womans photo….He said yours isn’t so good either 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, this tbh. We all take bad photos.

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:37

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 20:33

You made a negative comment about someone else's photo and - up until that point - he hadn't said a thing about the photo of you, he only did so in response to your negative comment. Was he just trying to make a point to you? He wasn't 'saving anything up' - he said it in response to your unkindness about another woman's photo. He might not have even said it, had you not made your comment first. It's where that whole saying "You're no oil painting either" comes from - it's reminding people to be nicer.

Also... photos are just photos. They aren't exactly how you look in real life. We all have bad photos of us. Even supermodels! I think you need a build a bridge and get over this. He was giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Edited

That’s probably a good way to look at it.

I’m not going to carry on the argument. Just a bit hurt as I hadn’t seen said terrible photo of me and now I have, and I know he thinks I look awful in it and his whole family have received it, when it’s just a photo of me laughing. I kinda thought marriage was a safe space where you don’t have to be ultra kind about random strangers without the risk of insult but I guess not.

OP posts:
Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:37

Mrsttcno1 · 27/07/2025 20:34

Yeah I agree with this.

It’s a “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it” one really.

Show quote history

Fair enough.

OP posts:
RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 27/07/2025 20:38

If my dp said something derogatory about someone else's looks then I would have done the same tbh.

Can't abide people being insulting because a woman is <shock> aging.

RogueFemale · 27/07/2025 20:39

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:25

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

@peony89 What you said about the news article of people you don't know is just nothing. Everyone makes comments like this.

It's not the same for your DH to rush to show unflattering photos of you (we all have them!)

I think his reaction was quite nasty and I'd have also been upset in your shoes.

UANBI

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 20:40

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:37

That’s probably a good way to look at it.

I’m not going to carry on the argument. Just a bit hurt as I hadn’t seen said terrible photo of me and now I have, and I know he thinks I look awful in it and his whole family have received it, when it’s just a photo of me laughing. I kinda thought marriage was a safe space where you don’t have to be ultra kind about random strangers without the risk of insult but I guess not.

Show quote history

It's just a photo - I have shit ones of me and I have lovely ones of me. I bet there are loads of not flattering ones of lots of other family members too. I think that was the only point he was making.

Hmm, safe space to be rude about others? I don't think so. I think good partners pick you up on things when maybe you are being a bit unkind or off-base. That's a good marriage - one where you keep one another honest.

I am sure there are nicer photos of you and I wouldn't ruminate on the one crap one. Or actually if it's digital I would probably give myself a pair of horns and enjoy it being a bit daft and remember how to laugh at myself a bit. Honestly, it's Sunday night. I would move past it now.

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:41

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 27/07/2025 20:38

If my dp said something derogatory about someone else's looks then I would have done the same tbh.

Can't abide people being insulting because a woman is <shock> aging.

Just to be clear, I didn’t insult her. Just commented that she’s aged a lot as I hadn’t seen a photo of her in ages. I’ve certainly aged!

I just think there’s a bit of a difference between commenting on a celebrity and insulting your spouse but it looks like most people disagree.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 20:43

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:41

Just to be clear, I didn’t insult her. Just commented that she’s aged a lot as I hadn’t seen a photo of her in ages. I’ve certainly aged!

I just think there’s a bit of a difference between commenting on a celebrity and insulting your spouse but it looks like most people disagree.

Show quote history

He didn't insult you. He didn't say: "You look AWFUL in this photo".

You are choosing to be insulted and that's different. He just pointed out that criticising an image of someone else goes both ways - celebrity or not.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 27/07/2025 20:44

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:41

Just to be clear, I didn’t insult her. Just commented that she’s aged a lot as I hadn’t seen a photo of her in ages. I’ve certainly aged!

I just think there’s a bit of a difference between commenting on a celebrity and insulting your spouse but it looks like most people disagree.

Show quote history

In that case he didn't insult you either.

He just said wait until you see the photo of you.

You went to the photos and you found one you hated.

Yabberwok · 27/07/2025 20:44

RogueFemale · 27/07/2025 20:39

@peony89 What you said about the news article of people you don't know is just nothing. Everyone makes comments like this.

It's not the same for your DH to rush to show unflattering photos of you (we all have them!)

I think his reaction was quite nasty and I'd have also been upset in your shoes.

UANBI

Show quote history

He didn't rush, he mentioned one photo and she rushed to see it...she was being catty and he was being funny...

Punkkatkitty · 27/07/2025 20:44

I dunno, if my DH was saying ‘oh look at the state of XYZ’ celebrity or not, I’d probably be giving him a bit of the ‘you’re no oil painting yourself’ treatment too. Albeit in a joking manner.

Ultimately you’re the one commenting on people ageing but don’t like it when it’s said back to you. It’s annoyed you clearly because it hit a nerve.

And I say this as someone who takes a terrible photo.

JLou08 · 27/07/2025 20:45

On the surface it seems like you are being overly sensitive. You should be able to have a laugh with your DH about a bad photo, there will be bad photos of us all, even the most beautiful women can take a bad photo at times. If this has hurt you so much though is it because your DH doesn't make you feel attractive in general and often tries to put you down?

SpaceRaccoon · 27/07/2025 20:46

You were nasty about another womans photo….He said yours isn’t so good either 🤷‍♀️

See i don't get this. That's his wife, he owes her more loyalty than some random celeb offspring woman.