Husband’s comment

[peony89]

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

Why should he give a fuck about his wife commenting on another woman? So much so that it's ok to shame her, his wife? His loyalty and allegiance should be to his wife

I don’t think it was Kelly osbourne the OP was on about, if it was today’s ‘rags’ I’d guess at Stella McCartney and I do think that it is a particularly unflattering set of photos, but that’s the point isn’t it. In tabloids no one ever looks ‘normal’ they either are full glam stunning photos or they look dreadful as that is what sells….no one would bat an eyelid/click/buy the paper if it was average looking for her age celebrity offspring buys milk and bread etc. I do think OP DH was a bit mean for pointing out her flaws on a photo though….

But it was quite clear that he was referring to that photo because he thought it was a terrible photo, surely? The insult's very heavily implied, isn't it? Otherwise why's he saying anything about the photo at all?

Team DH! - I like a good laugh at a crap photo, even if the photo’s of me!

Exactly this. The only reason to refer to this particular photo is because I look awful in it and he knows it. That’s the insult. I think some pp can’t understand that just because he didn’t call me a nasty name, he didn’t insult me.

Same here! Some of my own wedding photos are shocking! It was the context of this particular exchange that hurt.

Same!

Nasty comment from your prick husband.
Definitely NOT on your team.
NOW you know.
Be wary, he's a nasty prick.
Don't allow MN convince you this is normal....its not.
He's a prick.

No I don't think so, because she doesn't look like her dad at all, it's her mum she looks the spit of nowadays. If she did say that about KO it's not even accurate.

I don’t know why people are knocking you down about this. What your husband said is vicious.

It wasn't a random celeb in his eyes, it was the daughter of his idol. I think that's why you got the strong reaction, he was being loyal to his idol and his idol's daughter rather than you, I think if you made the comment about a truly random celeb he wouldn't have been as bothered. Does he love his idol more than you?

Pointing out a terrible photo is insulting... to the photographer. And I can't believe the number of people on here pretending to be shocked that someone said something 'unkind' about how some celebrity looks!

Really not reading it like that at all. Sounds like you said this woman looked old in a photo, he was pointing out that photos can be shit.

😱😱 Nasty????? What's wrong with saying someone has aged? Not even known person but a stranger? FFS!

No! He was pointing out that the OP looked shit. And that's just plain mean and nasty.

This

It seems most responses here assume your husband is the principled type and is trying to educate you in the error of your ways, whereas i think if he had principles he would simply tell you that, instead of using a photo to put you down. I don’t believe he was being principled, he was just stupidly offended by a comment you’d made about the daughter of someone he idolises. I can guess who it is.

I think this is probably accurate.

I just think commenting about the way women look, celeb or not, speaks volumes about you. It's really unpleasant and doesn't reflect well on you. Maybe your husband is disappointed that he ended up married to someone so shallow. The way someone looks is the least interesting thing about them.

So do you never make comments about someone you see in a magazine? Are you totally respectful about someone you don't even know? Presumably OP didn't attempt to get in touch with this woman to say it was a bad photo!
Your H sounds mean. He's like how dare you slag off my idols daughter? Because you have I'm going to say nasty things about you.
I would be upset and the people who can't see it's totally different are being ridiculous..

Out of interest, are you genuinely saying you’ve never in your life made a mildly negative comment about a celebrity’s appearance in the privacy of your own home? If so, fair play to you.

I’m not at all shallow or nasty. Obviously, I would never comment publicly about someone’s appearance as that would be hurtful to them. I haven’t even named her here. But I think it’s a tad unbelievable that so many posters claim to have never ever in their entire life shared a private negative comment about a total stranger to their other half.

That's terrible of him. You are not wrong to be upset.

He obviously couldn't wait to bring up the unflattering photo. Which is cruel.

I'm not saying I don't get the thoughts. We all notice things. I notice if someone has put weight on, just like I notice if someone has blonde hair or is 6ft tall but I genuinely never voice them. Ever. Why would I? Why would you? You really don't need to articulate every thought that comes into your mind. It really is just mean spirited.

I'll give you an example. One of my distant relatives posted on fb this morning. He said, I know who one of the football players reminds me of and it's x. He posted a photo of her next to a cartoon photo of some monster. Someone else commented and said christ, yes, she really is ugly. These are women at the top of their game, at the finals and they only thing they commented on was her looks. Is that OK by you? Harmless?

Pointing out that his idol's daughter has really aged and now looks like her dad is bitchy. I presume he was being bitchy back.