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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s comment

203 replies

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:25

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 22:01

KrisAkabusi · 27/07/2025 21:24

No most are saying the opposite: that they would comment on a celebrity, but they would also expect their partner to take the piss/have a joke/say that that they don't take perfect pictures either.

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You've summed it up much better than me, but I think I am getting garrulous because this is such a non-thing.

DiggingHoles · 27/07/2025 22:03

i am wiling to bet he wouldn't like it if you said this about him.

That said, I think your comments on the other woman's photos were very toxic. Don't invite this kind of dynamic into your relationship.

nomas · 27/07/2025 22:04

steff13 · 27/07/2025 21:52

But I don't necessarily think that's an accurate representation of what happened. He saw an unflattering photo existed, relatively recently, And remembered it. There's no indication that he specifically remembered it in order to shame her at a later date.

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Yeah but who does that? Who remembers an unflattering photo of someone else? I certainly don’t. OP was dressed up and happy in that picture and she likes how she looks so why has he even remembered that picture? I can understand if she had gone to Tesco’s in her PJs, that would be a funny picture to remember, but he is just being nasty.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 27/07/2025 22:07

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 21:59

I also assumed Kelly Osbourne

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Well if it was, it was in incredibly bad taste to hone in on her appearance and make derogatory remarks about her just now. Perhaps that pissed the husband off enough to blurt out a thoughtless remark of his own!

Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam · 27/07/2025 22:09

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:58

We also have that type of relationship and had he sent me a copy of the photo with stickers etc, I’d have laughed. It’s that he only said it in response to my comment on a stranger.

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To be honest I’d be very upset too and knowing myself I’d be spiralling about this alleged stranger 😭

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:13

nomas · 27/07/2025 22:04

Yeah but who does that? Who remembers an unflattering photo of someone else? I certainly don’t. OP was dressed up and happy in that picture and she likes how she looks so why has he even remembered that picture? I can understand if she had gone to Tesco’s in her PJs, that would be a funny picture to remember, but he is just being nasty.

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It was something he just remembered seeing. You seriously don't remember embarrassing/silly things people have done when reminded?

SpaceRaccoon · 27/07/2025 22:13

Well if it was, it was in incredibly bad taste to hone in on her appearance and make derogatory remarks about her just now.

Why? It's not like she'd be any the wiser.

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 27/07/2025 22:13

saying someone has “aged a lot, looks like her dad” is not nice, even if it’s a random person that you don’t know personally. Your husband told you, in the privacy of your own home, that a recent photo of you didn’t show you in your best light. Would you rather he’d waited till you were in the company of others and said “Jesus Christ you should see how ugly my wife looks on this photo!”

Do you expect him to lie to protect your feelings and tell you that you look great in a photo you know is not a good picture of you? Grow up.

OneFingerOneThumbKeepMoving · 27/07/2025 22:15

Just out of interest, was it Bruce Springsteens daughter? Also OP, I have to say, I'm in full agreement with you. 💐

nomas · 27/07/2025 22:17

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:13

It was something he just remembered seeing. You seriously don't remember embarrassing/silly things people have done when reminded?

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But OP’s picture was neither silly or embarrassing. It’s a picture of her having a lovely time whilst dressed up and he’s used it as a weapon to make her feel like shit. Who does that?!

SpaceRaccoon · 27/07/2025 22:17

Do you expect him to lie to protect your feelings and tell you that you look great in a photo you know is not a good picture of you? Grow up.

I mean, not mentioning the picture was an option...

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:29

nomas · 27/07/2025 22:17

But OP’s picture was neither silly or embarrassing. It’s a picture of her having a lovely time whilst dressed up and he’s used it as a weapon to make her feel like shit. Who does that?!

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OP thinks that she looks bad in the picture too ...

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:39

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:29

OP thinks that she looks bad in the picture too ...

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I do look bad in the photo but I don’t generally make a habit of recalling terrible photos of my DH to draw his attention to if he makes a mildly negative comment about a total stranger.

OP posts:
Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:39

SpaceRaccoon · 27/07/2025 22:17

Do you expect him to lie to protect your feelings and tell you that you look great in a photo you know is not a good picture of you? Grow up.

I mean, not mentioning the picture was an option...

Exactly.

OP posts:
Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:40

Dunnocantthinkofone · 27/07/2025 22:07

Well if it was, it was in incredibly bad taste to hone in on her appearance and make derogatory remarks about her just now. Perhaps that pissed the husband off enough to blurt out a thoughtless remark of his own!

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Not Kelly Osborne. A much older celebrity child.

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 27/07/2025 22:45

It was shitty of him to say it. Doesn't matter if you've criticised some random celebrity person who will never know what you said.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:48

peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:39

I do look bad in the photo but I don’t generally make a habit of recalling terrible photos of my DH to draw his attention to if he makes a mildly negative comment about a total stranger.

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But you do take the piss out of each other

And it wasn't like he'd printed it off, carrying it around and waiting to be able to whip it out and go "ahaha look what an ugly cow you look here"

LucieLemon · 27/07/2025 22:49

I agree with a PP, I’m not sure he saved it up as such, more like it popped back into his head when OP was commenting on a photo later in the day.

I think unless he has form for making you feel shitty in general, the only thing I would be irked about is that he could have give you a heads up about the bad photo when he come across it. Him commenting on it wouldn’t necessarily upset me, especially if it is a bit of a ropey photo.

also, I might make observations on celebs I see on the TV/social media, I wouldn’t expect my husband to rush to defend their honour! It’s just idle chit chat.

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:50

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:48

But you do take the piss out of each other

And it wasn't like he'd printed it off, carrying it around and waiting to be able to whip it out and go "ahaha look what an ugly cow you look here"

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Yes but there’s nuance to taking the piss. It’s not a free for all and that kind of relationship doesn’t mean I’m barred from ever taking offence.
I appreciate your point though.

OP posts:
lalalalalady · 27/07/2025 22:52

Obviously what you said about this celebrity wasn’t kind, but I don’t think that gives him the right to brutally insult the way you looked in the photo. Even if he didn’t agree with what you said, or thought it was uncalled for, he could have said in any other way than he’s seen a horrid pic of you too! Really unkind to insult you this way. Maybe you have a form of insulting other people and he just snapped? Either way what he said was hurtful, there was no need for him to become that offended by the comment he had to reverse it back on you.

LillyPJ · 27/07/2025 22:53

Everybody is capable of looking awful in a photo! I laugh at the ones of me. It sounds like he was saying it was a bad photo - in other words, the photo doesn't represent what you look like in real life. You'd be right to be offended if the photo looked awful and he'd said it was a GOOD photo!

aWeeCornishPastie · 27/07/2025 22:53

He was being a bit mean I would feel the same also and to all those saying you were being unkind about another woman’s appearance. You only commented on her looking a bit older not necessarily nasty

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:54

LucieLemon · 27/07/2025 22:49

I agree with a PP, I’m not sure he saved it up as such, more like it popped back into his head when OP was commenting on a photo later in the day.

I think unless he has form for making you feel shitty in general, the only thing I would be irked about is that he could have give you a heads up about the bad photo when he come across it. Him commenting on it wouldn’t necessarily upset me, especially if it is a bit of a ropey photo.

also, I might make observations on celebs I see on the TV/social media, I wouldn’t expect my husband to rush to defend their honour! It’s just idle chit chat.

I don’t think he saved it up as such either.

It’s like you say, it was idle chit chat on a random celebrity who will never give the merest of fucks what I think of her.

If he commented that the photo was bad at another time, I wouldn’t care. It’s that he commented on it in direct response to my idle chit chat just to make a point. It’s that he hurt my feelings to make a point.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 22:54

I really hope it wasn't about Kelly Osbourne. She's just lost her dad.

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:58

aWeeCornishPastie · 27/07/2025 22:53

He was being a bit mean I would feel the same also and to all those saying you were being unkind about another woman’s appearance. You only commented on her looking a bit older not necessarily nasty

My actual words were “haven’t seen a photo of her in years, she looks a lot older”. I’m not sure that comment is as mean as pp are making out, especially not to deserve having my attention drawn to a horrible photo of myself at a family wedding.
But I accept that most commenters never make a negative observation about a celebrity and if they did, they would fully expect their OH to insult them in response.

OP posts: