Husband’s comment

[peony89]

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

He wasn't "storing it up to hurt you" - if that's how you're viewing the situation then is there more to it?

He'd seen a bad picture and then when you made a catty comment about someone else, he remembered the picture and made a comment back at you

He probably thought he was being funny

You sound incredibly insecure. I’d be working on my self esteem rather than over analysing what my OH may or may not have meant in response to my bitchy comment about a random stranger

And he didn't say you looked shit at the wedding. He said you looked shit in one photo. That shouldn't ruin the whole day

No most are saying the opposite: that they would comment on a celebrity, but they would also expect their partner to take the piss/have a joke/say that that they don't take perfect pictures either.

I get you OP. It's embarrassing.

I don't know know why other posters don't.
He's seen your photo, clearly thought something negative about it but didn't tell you about it at the time and made a light-hearted joke which would've been able to be laughed about together.

Instead he brings up the bad photo as an insult to you. So now you know he's been sat thinking negative thoughts about your appearance, not just a quick sweeping thought of 'that's a bad pic' but an actual fully thought out negative opinion about his wife's appearance, at least enough to remember hours later and use as a weapon. If it was a quick 'bad pic' thought he had, he'd likely have forgotten about it completely so not even been able to remember it to recall it in defense of some celebrity.

I'm with you OP I'd be upset. Just swallow it and move on. But keep an eye in future incase he makes any underhanded comments about your appearance again in future to see if there's a pattern.

I think this was an odd conclusion as well. The idea that he saw an unflattering photo, and saved it to trot out the next time you make a rude comment about Kelly Osbourne (?) is a bit far-fetched unless he has form for that sort of thing.

@steff13 funnily enough I've pictured the same celebrity.

I just was looking at some pictures a little while ago of Ozzy's funeral so I took a stab.

Well if you dish out bitchiness then you should be prepared to take it surely. Why slag off someone else then get upset because your husband pointed out a shit photo of you

How did he even have a picture in mind to shame you like that? It sounds like he was waiting for an opportunity.

When you take a photo of a beautiful sunset. Picture never does it justice and no one thinks its because its a shit sunset

The OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like the wedding was just yesterday and someone sent them both photos today, and he had looked at them and she had not yet looked at them. So it wasn't like he had this photo on the back burner waiting to hurt her with it.

While not exactly nice, I think it's unfair to compare the two. A casual, albeit uncomplimentary comment on a celebrity photo (when said celebrity will never know, much less care about your opinion of their looks). Isn't the same as a husband making his wife feel bad about her appearance.

was petty of him, and I would have a hard time feeling generous towards him for a good long while. Unless you're always making negative or snipey comments and he simply couldn't take it any more, he should have just let this one go.

That's a really good point.

No, he saw the photos yesterday and for some reason had this one photo in mind today to shame OP with.

I’m with you op!

Even if he did see it yesterday, it's not like he's been hiding it for months just waiting to pull it out and say look how terrible you look in this picture.

In the original post she says that this happened this evening and he had seen the photo hours before which leads me to believe that that happened earlier today.

And it doesn't sound like he was hiding it from her; it sounds like she also had the opportunity to look at the photos and just hadn't yet. Also it doesn't sound like he had the photo in mind to shame her with it's just that he saw it and saw that it was not a flattering photo. Anyone with eyes probably could make the same assessment.

This 💯

It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, keeping in mind an unflattering photo of his wife to shame her with is awful.

But I don't necessarily think that's an accurate representation of what happened. He saw an unflattering photo existed, relatively recently, And remembered it. There's no indication that he specifically remembered it in order to shame her at a later date.

When I was married my ex had a way of letting you know a bad photo was a personal failing.

Now that I am not, me and the kids can laugh about them.

Is this part of a pattern of him being shit to you?

I agree with this. Commenting on a celebrity isn’t the same as insulting your partner.

I also assumed Kelly Osbourne

You used the word nasty - so you think you weren't and he was?

No he just remembered seeing a bad photo when OP was making Catty remarks about someone else's appearance