Husband’s comment

[peony89]

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

I’m so confused that people think that making a comment about some celeb who you will never meet is exactly the same as making a comment about your wife to her face!

OP has changed her story from "I said she's aged a lot and looks like her dad" (presumably an older man still and generally comparing a woman to an old man is considered rude) to "I only said she looked older now"

Which leads me to believe she was quite catty with what she said but as she's been pulled up on it, she's changed the story slightly to look better

I think the poster is possibly referring to the previous poster who insinuated that my husband may consider me puerile and that he may be fed up with me.

I'm so confused that people think a nasty comment is somehow more acceptable if the person is a celebrity who isn't in the room with you? The comment is unpleasant to hear because it's nasty, not because it's done to someone's face or not.

I haven’t changed my story. There were two comments, one about aging and I made a separate comment about her resemblance to her dad. The celeb does look a lot like her dad. I look like my dad rather than my mum. I’m not sure how that’s an insult.

Then maybe they should have quoted that poster instead of me.

He wasn't insulting you though. He just mentioned there was a bad picture.

Well I'm just happy that my DH isn't a sanctimonous arse who would attempt to put me in my place for any less than virtuous comment made in the privacy of our home.

Its ok for you to bitch about other people. Got it.

Completely agree.

MN loves to give an OP a kicking any chance they get.

The husband is a nasty prick who took the opportunity to be vicious towards his wife.
I hope OP can see that and reflect on the relationship.
You don't behave like that to someone you genuinely love.

You have though. You said you "only" said she looked older

And most women would feel insulted to be compared to an old man.

He was hardly vicious. He said there was a bad picture of her. 🤣

So you don't share random thoughts with your partner.
Why not?
Do you actually think the person in the photo would give a toss what the OP thinks of her.
Totally different to husband insulting his wife

There are some horrendous pics of me, taken when I wasn't aware (at gigs usually) and my DH does laugh at how awful they are but so do I. I don't take offence when the pics are actually terrible.

Got the reply you wanted then.

Yes… I’d like to think this is what he meant. I do sympathise … I am no super model (obvs) but I’m not a Shrek look alike … however, I do take an absolutely hideous photo .. always! Even my wedding photos were shite … everyone says so!🤣 OP, if you felt good on the day and had a lovely time, that’s all that matters. I bet you don’t “look like shit” At all and if he loves you … ? ❤️

So he's angry with you, for you being hurt by his nasty comment??!!
He is a narcissistic bully.

I agree with this completely, OH was sitting with her husband, & it was a comment in privacy about a celebrity , everyone does it !
It was nasty of him to get a photo up & basically say , “ look at you , you look awful here ! “ , that’s not a nice thing for a husband to do to his wife ..
All the rubbish posts here “ well , you weren’t being nice , he was showing you what it feels like “, basically saying she deserved it , Cop on , no she didn’t, I’m sure if it were any of yr husbands ye wouldn’t like it either !

You’re over reacting

How can they possibly be the same? Did OP hurt the celeb’s feelings? 🤦‍♀️

Question, it's not Kelly Osbourne is it? She's in the news as her dad just died, you said its his idols daughter, if it is Kelly i'd assume it was more out of hurt of Ozzys passing and him being hurt and your focus being oh his daughter isn't looking good, especially given the circumstances.

I understood the situation differently. Based on the fact that you say he's not mean and you don't think he had it in the reserve waiting to hurt you. For me, he saw the wedding pics and thought something like this: "omg, this pic is very unflattering, peony doesn't look like this, and she won't be pleased that all the family now has it". On top of that, he might have also thought "no point in telling her, or calling her to check these pics, as it cannot be retracted or edited, but she should know that such a pic exists. I'll think about how to bring it up...".

Then the opportunity presented itself to tell you that there was a bad pic of you circulating in the family group, without having to say "hey look at this bad pic of you" when he first saw it. You were saying this woman didn't look good in the pic and he thought it was his opportunity to say there's an unflattering pic of you, wait till you see it. Which is not to say you look like that in real life, but that pictures and images can make you look quite different sometimes.

I got some pics last summer where I looked like I had aged 10 years in just a year. I was mortified and hated that I had no way of editing myself out of them. I felt uncomfortable. I probably lashed out about how people should wait until everyone was "in pose" before taking a pic. But no one was posing and they were natural pics and yes, I had put a ton of weight, had no make up and didn't look my best. I just bounced my negative emotions into other people because I didn't like how I looked. I think you are doing the same. You are bouncing your dislike of the picture onto your DH.

Pretty much. YABU!

This.

Some of these comments are bizarre…

OP has every right to be upset, as I would by a quite frankly deliberate attempt to make her feel like shit. His defensiveness against a celebrity he doesn’t even know or never met is also red flag and odd.. my partner would never say something like that to me because he doesn’t want to upset me or hurt my feelings on purpose.

If I ever asked and wanted honesty he would give it but not this way and definitely not in response to me slagging off his fave celebs appearance.

Sorry OP this isn’t nice behaviour and I question some of peoples relationships on here tbh

Agree with everything you say pp ..
However , I don’t think it brings into question other PPS relationships though , some just like to stick the boot in , shoe on other foot though , different story I’m sure …