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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s comment

203 replies

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:25

(Background info - we received the link to photos from a family wedding (his side) yesterday. I hadn’t looked at them yet ).

Earlier this evening, DH and I were sat in our living room on our own. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about the daughter of DH’s favourite musician. I commented that she looks totally different to last I saw her and she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

DH then said “just wait till you see the photo of you from the wedding”. I rushed to the pictures and found the worst photo of me ever. Saddest bit is I felt lovely on the day, had a great time, and I’m laughing in the photo.

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

I’m upset that he’s obviously seen the photo and thought ‘Christ, my wife looks shit’, then hours later, decided to deliberately hurt me and make me feel ugly because I made a vaguely offhand comment about the daughter of his idol in the privacy of our own home. He doesn’t get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:59

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 22:54

I really hope it wasn't about Kelly Osbourne. She's just lost her dad.

It wasn’t her.

OP posts:
UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 22:59

peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:50

Yes but there’s nuance to taking the piss. It’s not a free for all and that kind of relationship doesn’t mean I’m barred from ever taking offence.
I appreciate your point though.

Show quote history

But you said something catty and it brought back to mind the picture

You really are being over sensitive

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 23:00

peony89 · 27/07/2025 22:58

My actual words were “haven’t seen a photo of her in years, she looks a lot older”. I’m not sure that comment is as mean as pp are making out, especially not to deserve having my attention drawn to a horrible photo of myself at a family wedding.
But I accept that most commenters never make a negative observation about a celebrity and if they did, they would fully expect their OH to insult them in response.

Show quote history

Right I am going to give up after this - he did not insult you. Where is the insult?

Edited because you said it wasn't KO.

Still think you are going mad over nothing.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 23:03

"Wait until you see the photo of you at the wedding" isn't an insult

"Well you looked like dog shit in the wedding photos", "oh says the fat cow who looked like she'd eaten the bride", "well you looked like an old hag in that photo"

Those are insults

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 23:05

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 23:00

Right I am going to give up after this - he did not insult you. Where is the insult?

Edited because you said it wasn't KO.

Still think you are going mad over nothing.

Edited
Show quote history

The insult is pointing out a terrible photo of me in response to a very mild comment on a celeb stranger.

I’m not going mad over it. Just posted out of interest to see what others think.

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 27/07/2025 23:05

I agree, OP, but don't ask posters on here. There are regularly stories of such shite women put up with and such princes among men that what your DH did compared to theirs is probably regarded as kind.

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 23:08

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 23:03

"Wait until you see the photo of you at the wedding" isn't an insult

"Well you looked like dog shit in the wedding photos", "oh says the fat cow who looked like she'd eaten the bride", "well you looked like an old hag in that photo"

Those are insults

Insulting isn’t just name calling such as dog shit, fat cow, hag etc. It can also be the fact that he clocked a horrible photo and drew my attention to it in response to my very mild comment about a stranger.

OP posts:
howshouldibehave · 27/07/2025 23:09

she’s aged a lot, looks like her dad.

You made a bitchy comment saying a female had aged a lot and looked like her dad-not generally a compliment to a woman.

He made a bitchy comment back.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 27/07/2025 23:09

peony89 · 27/07/2025 23:08

Insulting isn’t just name calling such as dog shit, fat cow, hag etc. It can also be the fact that he clocked a horrible photo and drew my attention to it in response to my very mild comment about a stranger.

Show quote history

Noticing a bad photo , which you acknowledge is bad, and commenting isn't insulting you

Original poster
peony89 · 27/07/2025 23:10

spoonbillstretford · 27/07/2025 23:05

I agree, OP, but don't ask posters on here. There are regularly stories of such shite women put up with and such princes among men that what your DH did compared to theirs is probably regarded as kind.

You’re probably right but I’ll take the feedback that a lot of people think it’s unacceptable to make observations on celebs in the privacy of your own front room to your own DH. I’m quite surprised though.

OP posts:
Foreverm0re · 27/07/2025 23:10

SpaceRaccoon · 27/07/2025 20:46

You were nasty about another womans photo….He said yours isn’t so good either 🤷‍♀️

See i don't get this. That's his wife, he owes her more loyalty than some random celeb offspring woman.

Omg THIS! 100%
She made a comment about someone he doesn’t even know.
This place is weird.

Sporadica · 27/07/2025 23:11

I’m really hurt and told him so. He’s angry at me for being upset at his comment.

This stood out to me as a possible red flag. You feel how you feel. He may say he didn't mean to hurt you, he may say that he doesn't understand why you feel hurt because he would not feel hurt if you made what he considered a similar comment about him. All of that's fine. But is he actually telling you NOT to feel how you feel, or at least not to talk about how you feel, if it doesn't match how he would feel or how he thinks you "should" feel? His partner, who he's supposed to love and care about, is upset by his comment. Fair enough if he didn't mean for it to be hurtful and doesn't fully understand why it was, but he should still care that you're in emotional pain. His getting ANGRY about that is off. Is that really what he's angry about?

Only you can know if this is a one-off or something more routine with him, but if it is part of a pattern I would honestly consider whether he is showing signs of being excessively controlling, which can easily cross the line into emotional abuse. Once that happens, the relationship is pretty much doomed.

RubySquid · 27/07/2025 23:13

LillyPJ · 27/07/2025 22:53

Everybody is capable of looking awful in a photo! I laugh at the ones of me. It sounds like he was saying it was a bad photo - in other words, the photo doesn't represent what you look like in real life. You'd be right to be offended if the photo looked awful and he'd said it was a GOOD photo!

Lol. I look awful in99% of photos. Truly amazed if a good one of me appeaes

spoonbillstretford · 27/07/2025 23:14

I can't imagine in what universe DH would say "Gosh, I haven't seen X in a while. He looks a lot older," and I would say in return "Well, mister, look at yourself in that photo." Nor he me. Some people are either so desenaitised because of shitty treatment or too dumb to appreciate the implcation.

Waterbaby41 · 27/07/2025 23:15

lalalalalady · 27/07/2025 22:52

Obviously what you said about this celebrity wasn’t kind, but I don’t think that gives him the right to brutally insult the way you looked in the photo. Even if he didn’t agree with what you said, or thought it was uncalled for, he could have said in any other way than he’s seen a horrid pic of you too! Really unkind to insult you this way. Maybe you have a form of insulting other people and he just snapped? Either way what he said was hurtful, there was no need for him to become that offended by the comment he had to reverse it back on you.

He did not brutally insult her at all!! He said 'wait till you see x photo' - you have a very skewed view of what is insulting.

spoonbillstretford · 27/07/2025 23:18

Foreverm0re · 27/07/2025 23:10

Omg THIS! 100%
She made a comment about someone he doesn’t even know.
This place is weird.

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Exactly.

Smallsalt · 27/07/2025 23:22

Yabberwok · 27/07/2025 20:32

But you were being negative about another woman, he jokenly clearly has sad one of the photos of someone else's wedding isn't great of you.

We found some photos of us on our honeymoon and just after this afternoon...my wife was laughing at how shit she looked in most...eyes closed, not smiling, hair all over the shop...of course I look great in all of mine!

Everybody at some point had privately passed negative comments about somebody in the public eye.
That person will never hear or be affected by the comment.

Which is not at all the same thing as your husband being a shit to you.

Smallsalt · 27/07/2025 23:26

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 27/07/2025 22:13

saying someone has “aged a lot, looks like her dad” is not nice, even if it’s a random person that you don’t know personally. Your husband told you, in the privacy of your own home, that a recent photo of you didn’t show you in your best light. Would you rather he’d waited till you were in the company of others and said “Jesus Christ you should see how ugly my wife looks on this photo!”

Do you expect him to lie to protect your feelings and tell you that you look great in a photo you know is not a good picture of you? Grow up.

The OP passed comment on a celebrity in the privacy of her own home. To her husband in a private conversation. The celebrity will never hear or be hurt by the comment.

The husband by contrast made a hurtful comment directly to the person in the photo who would be hurt by it with the express I mention of hurting her. HIS FUCKING WIFE.
What an odious wanker

Americano75 · 27/07/2025 23:28

Pointing out person in the public eye looks older after a significant period of time = producing an unflattering photo of your significant other.

Yeah, that's really not the same thing. Is he always a bit of a snider?

fateisdestined2025 · 27/07/2025 23:31

Sounds pathetic. Why didn’t you insult him back?

MasterBeth · 27/07/2025 23:33

peony89 · 27/07/2025 20:29

It is objectively a bad photo but what’s upset me is rather than mentioning it when he saw it, he’s saved it in his memory and then hurt me with it hours after when we weren’t talking about the wedding photos. Like he wanted to punish me for commenting negatively about another woman.

Show quote history

Would it have been better to point out how bad you looked the moment he saw the photo? Really?

ItsameLuigi · 27/07/2025 23:36

SpaceRaccoon · 27/07/2025 21:36

@steff13 funnily enough I've pictured the same celebrity.

Same lol

nomas · 27/07/2025 23:47

Arlanymor · 27/07/2025 22:54

I really hope it wasn't about Kelly Osbourne. She's just lost her dad.

OP says it’s not Kelly, but I don’t even know why people thought that, she just looks her age (40) and nothing wrong with that.

OhLordy123 · 27/07/2025 23:48

Maybe you have difficulties in your communication styles, which you could both work on? Perhaps this incident can give you both insight? You sound very reasonable to me OP.

nomas · 27/07/2025 23:48

MasterBeth · 27/07/2025 23:33

Would it have been better to point out how bad you looked the moment he saw the photo? Really?

Show quote history

Why would he need to point out she looks bad at all?