Girlfriend mum drinks 9/11 bottles a wine a week

[Zodiac82]

My girlfriend mum will drink easily between 9/11 bottles of wine a week and despite my girlfriend talking to her, she don't feel it is a issue.

The dad also drinks heavily, around 6/8 cans nightly. Both work full time, she works as a nurse.

My girlfriend made a diary of how much she drank at home in June and it was 47 bottles.

Now am I wrong in thinking that this is a insane amount of wine to be drinking on a weekly basis? I don't drink at all myself but having 1/2 bottles bottles each night seems crazy to me.

What is she hoping to achieve by this documenting?

That is a lot of wine tbh, and i'm very live and let live

You’re not wrong but what are you hoping will happen?

Will pretty much definitely cause health issues in the future

She is a worried daughter who is trying to help? She has told her mum countless times she is worried about this and the long term effects, so by doing this and then saying...mum you have had this much this month, maybe it would finally shock her.

Eleven bottles a week is 154 units of alcohol and the maximum safe limit the government recommends is 14; so she is drinking ten times the safe limit.

47 bottles of wine in a month is crazy. I’m not surprised your girlfriend is worried.

Jeeze, I drink a lot more than I should, but nowhere near this level.

How is she ever sober enough to drive, never mind work?

Although 47 bottles is under 2 a day, so maybe sha can be sober enough? Dunno

But God, no wonder she's worried!

She’s a nurse. She knows.

Girlfriend’s mum is a nurse?
Does she drive?
if either is yes this is really concerning with that level of alcohol.

She drives to work yes, some nights stops drinking 11pm and drives 6.30am

She also admitted back in May to drink driving at night with her 11 year daughter in the back.

Not the most responsible nurse at all

WTAF! 47 bottles of wine a month!!!

I mean, I like a drink but that is a ludicrous amount.

Does your girlfriend get on with her mum generally? Do they have a close relationship?

She can try sitting down and telling her mum she is worried about how much she drinks but it may not be welcome news. Mainly because Mum will more than likely be in denial, and/or may be aware, and not really care that much.

She also may not welcome being 'monitored' this way and react badly to it.

Your girlfriend can certainly try, but ultimately, the choice to stop or cut back has to come from her Mum. She is an adult who makes her own decisions and unless she wants to, she can do what she likes. Unfortunately your girlfriend may find she has to just put up with it and accept it.

My Mum was a smoker and many times over the years I had gentle words with her about her health, and how I wished she would please cut down as myself and her granddaughters were not ready to lose her yet. Every time she pushed back and said its her life and she was okay if smoking shortened her life. She would rather live a life where she could smoke and live less years than a longer one where she couldn't and she would be miserable.

So we had no choice to accept that this was her own decision, whether we liked it or not. As it happened she started suffering with her health and made the decision to stop completely all by herself when she turned 65.

Sounds like an alcoholic to me. Coukd she lose her nurse’s licence? Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, only the addict can decide to make a change.

She's an alcoholic. Gentle chats won't do it, she has to want to stop. It will likely take diagnosis of alcoholic fatty liver and/or cirrhosis to impact the drinking when it may be too late. More importantly is what led her to drink and to continue to drink.

It's awfully sad.

Being alive sucks and wine can take the edge off nicely. And has the upside of potentially shortening the slog ahead. It's preachy to pretend a person shouldn't drink what they like except

She can't safely drive or do that job so she should stop both those things if she wants to keep drinking this way

I'm a nurse who used to drink 40 units a week. She will know this isn't healthy or safe on one level, but if she is working and driving a child under the influence she is going to be very deep in denial.

Most HCPs don't drink more than a glass the night before an early start. She will be still be under the influence if driving at 6.30am after finishing drinking 15ish units 7 hours previously. She is drinking at a level where suddenly stopping would likely prompt withdrawal.

Addiction recovery does need to come from her. Counting bottles won't make a difference, but it is uncomfortable her drinking is putting a child and her patients at risk. Part of me thinks an anonymous tip off to children's services or her employer, but it's hard to say if this would do anything helpful beyond pissing her off. If she works for the NHS they are likely to take a more compassionate approach than the private sector who would probably just bin her off.

Did it work? I'm thinking it probably didn't as the Mum is almost certainly aware that she drinks to much.

Id be concerned about her ability to do her job. Especially if she's in charge of medications....

That is a lot but only they can change it. You cant help an addict who doesnt want to be helped they will have a medical problem at somepoint and hopefully it will make them realise before its to late

@Zodiac82 sound more like alcoholics who are digging themselves into an early grave!!

There are alot of functioning alcoholics out in the workplace and driving about.

I was going through 1 or 2 bottles a night when my addiction was at its worst and getting up at 05:00 for a long shift in ICU. Completely shameful. It's amazing how well alcoholics can function normally - until they can't.

You are really, really not wrong. Your poor gf.

I'm very sorry to say there's a good chance this won't end well. The best thing you can do at this point is read about what it's like for children of alcoholics and what to expect.
Very sadly your gf may end up eventually having to make hard choices about her mum and her dad and it will help if you know what support others have needed while going down this well-trodden path.

@youalright fair point.

It's a huge amount, and more worryingly the risk she's putting other road users, patients and even her own little girl in.

Perhaps your girlfriend could issue an ultimatum that she needs to get signed off work and address the alcoholism. Or she'll be reporting her to the police for drink driving.