Girlfriend mum drinks 9/11 bottles a wine a week

[Zodiac82]

My girlfriend mum will drink easily between 9/11 bottles of wine a week and despite my girlfriend talking to her, she don't feel it is a issue.

The dad also drinks heavily, around 6/8 cans nightly. Both work full time, she works as a nurse.

My girlfriend made a diary of how much she drank at home in June and it was 47 bottles.

Now am I wrong in thinking that this is a insane amount of wine to be drinking on a weekly basis? I don't drink at all myself but having 1/2 bottles bottles each night seems crazy to me.

I mean she's an alcoholic and pretty far gone one at that. That is quite some alcohol tolerance there. I am a regular drinker but the very few times I have drunk the equivilent of two bottles of wine in one night (these can be counted on one hand) the next day (or even two) were a write off and most of the next morning was spent hugging the toilet.

That is obviously far too much and she has an alcohol problem, is an alcoholic.

She will also know this, deep down. You/your GF telling her is not going to shock her into changing, but it may well cause her to avoid the two of you, it might cause her to shift blame to you and try to drive a wedge between you.

The only person who can change her behaviour... is her.

Your GF is best off distancing herself and telling her Mother she won't be around her if she is drinking, is drunk etc etc.

You could tip off the police that someone leaving a certain address was known to be drinking. I know someone this happened to and they got suspended from driving which affected their ability to work, really put them in an awkward situation, but it did, for a while, wake them up to the reality of what they were doing.
It might sound harsh, but if she were to hit somebody and kill them the consequences would be much harsher

So she’s likely driving over the limit? I’d call the police. If she’s handling medications or otherwise a risk to patients in her job I’d make the police aware of this also. You will all have to live with the guilt if she kills someone either on the road or at work due to be intoxicated when you all knew about it…

Ok so as the daughter I would be threatening to call social services and report to the nurses council. I know it’s the nuclear option but fuck it, drink driving with a kid in the car, and putting her patients at risk?! She needs a short sharp shock.

Or as PPs said I would report to the police.

If you really wanted to at least stop her being a danger on the road you can call the police when you know she is driving to work and they can intercept her when she arrives.

I'm sure they'll be interested to hear of a nurse drink driving.

I did this myself in a job when a pissed nurse was found with a fruit shoot bottle full of vodka and ran off to her car, we called the police who intercepted her at her home and she got done for it.

I'd be very suspicious of any soft drink bottles that this woman has with her on duty.

Personally i would ring the police when she is drink driving. She could kill someone

Unfortunately my experience with alcoholics, especially those that manage to ‘function’ daily, is that they seldom change or acknowledge they have a problem until it’s too late. And too late generally means a health problem which they will then deny is alcohol related.

Given the acceptance of alcohol by society it’s the worst addiction to own up to and most people will sever a relationship to defend themselves before they consider giving it up. They become defensive and will make you out to be intolerant and stuck up because you don’t accept or worry about their habits which don’t appear to be causing them or their family any problems.

I haven’t read the whole post but I too would call the police if she is driving. It may be the wake up call that is needed.

She’s drinking over ten times the recommended maximum units - possibly more, depending on the strength of the wine. Telling her how much she’s drinking won’t help much really - at this level she needs professional help to cut down, or ideally, stop.

My SiL was drinking 1-2 bottles of wine per night for around 20 years. It started when she lost her husband. We tried to intervene but she wouldn’t listen to anyone - said she enjoyed her wine and didn’t consider it excessive.

Her health started to deteriorate mildly in her early sixties but there were few outward signs to those who didn’t know what was going on. Eventually she started to have falls and was hospitalised several times after significant injury. Each time she had to be treated for withdrawal symptoms because her body had got used to the alcohol and she would have seizures without it.

Eventually she had a major convulsion and on admission to ITU was sedated and put on life support in ITU while they investigated. She was found to have suffered brain damage and the alcohol had caused irreparable damage to internal organs, including end stage cirrhosis. Each time they tried to remove sedation she would have another seizure. Eventually she was taken off life support and passed away because there was nothing else they could do. She was 67.

The problem is that the body can take quite a bashing from alcohol for a while and there are few outward signs of resulting damage until it becomes severe - by which time in many cases it’s too late to do anything about it.

Please don’t try to intervene by yourself. She’s a functioning alcoholic and she needs professional help. Maybe start with the GP and go from there. It sounds awful but if she’s driving to work in the mornings the best thing that could happen is that she gets stopped and breathalysed. Maybe a drink driving conviction could be what she needs to pull her up short and get help.

I used to drink too much… about 50% over the recommended level.

What made me think twice was totting up the calories, adding up the cost and cost per year , and working out how much I was giving to the Gvt in tax on that number of bottles.

But I did that for myself.

If someone else had told me I was drinking tl much I would have thought them judgey and bossy.

But it’s really concerning that a nurse is drinking like that

Also the first step to overcoming an addiction is the addict acknowledging that they have a problem. This most likely won’t come as a result of her family expressing their concern. It will take something bigger, or not at all.

Aside from the health harms, this must cost a fortune. Even at the cheap end of the market say at £6 a bottle that is going to cost £282

Sorry but she needs reporting. I wouldn’t want me or my loved ones under medical care from a nurse who is clearly an alcoholic and likely at work still under the influence. She’s lucky she’s gotten away with this behaviour for so long with nothing bad happening!

Both the mum and dad have alcohol issues, but this thread is practically all about the mum. I think both will need to address their alcohol problems for there to be any chance of them cutting down.

I drink a similar amount. I know I shouldn't, but I enjoy it so much in the evening. I've been like this for about 15 years now. I am successfully self employed and mostly my bloods always come back healthy. I know it could be a ticking time bomb, so I am trying to cut back. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say that people can and do function drinking 1-2 bottles of wine in the evening. I know alot of people who do it.

I repeatedly told my not so dm the same when I lived with her, made no difference, we just fell out a lot. She fell over this week and couldn’t get up (in her 80s and still necks a bottle a night). An ambulance was called then the fire brigade because nobody had a key. Shocking behaviour. This won’t stop her and nor will your gf telling her mum how much she drinks.

I’d suggest possibly alerting the police to a potential drink driver as she drives to work might, if you’re really lucky, give her the appropriate wake up call. She is drinking far too much to be safe the next morning.

Your gf cannot cure her or stop her drinking

What she can do is
get support from al anon
She can write a note to her mum s gp
She can call police if she knows she is driving

She needs to speak to a counsellor and accept it is an illness she cannot cure and realise and understand her mom may die of it but it will not be gf fault

But presumably you aren’t in charge of patients/dealing out medication/inserting needles etc? If you were, would you still drink so much? I would be pretty unhappy if I knew my nurse was potentially hungover.

This is not a lecture I promise. But please read my earlier reply to OP in which i detailed what happened to my SiL. The problem with drinking like this is that the effects don’t become apparent until serious damage has been done. Your blood results will include a liver function test which can come back as showing as healthy and normal, right up until your liver packs in. The end result is horrific and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Please try to cut back within the safe limits before it’s too late.

Hi OP, not sure how old you and your girlfriend are. I'm guessing quite young if her parents have younger children. This is a lot for you to take on. Does her mum have parents or siblings/close friends that could stage an intervention or at least are aware of what's going on and be ready to offer support? Both parents must know they have significant problem drinking habits but sadly it often takes a crisis to address this.

My sister dose the same and has started to shake alot. Also how dose she think straight and do a full timw job. She must be in a constant hang
over

Bottle of wine a night and a couple of bottles at the weekend? Sounds pretty much like every one of my parents’ mates growing up. Same with dropping off at the pub on the way home and drinking 2-3 pints before going back and having a few more with dinner.

I don’t really drink but even I can see that this is an unhealthy amount of alcohol - just thought it was normal at the time. But don’t really think there’s anything that your gf can do - her mum’s a nurse, she’s aware of the issues. She makes her own choices, I’m afraid.

This can't be real. If it is, she'll be dead very soon.

Clearly an alcoholic. As hard as it is for your girlfriend she won't be able to change her mothers behaviour, that must come from her. She should 100% report her if she drives under the influence, it could be the shock she needs to change her behaviour.