For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

Upset her husband? How? He sounds fairly delicate if that’s all it takes…

upset how?

If your friends think you're going as babysitters then I'd bow out and make your own plans to have fun with your DH.

Any chance of getting your money back? This sounds like it'll be a grim time away for you. I'd definitely point out you've been upset about the implication that you're there as a babysitter rather than for a break with friends.

Tell her husband to do one and grow a thicker skin. It’s okay for them to joke with you but you can’t back? I wouldn’t want to watch their kids either!

I’d also be curious about the DH, “oh, why is he upset? I thought we were just joking around”. Be disingenuous.

Honestly if I were you and your husband I'd pull out now. It sounds like it's going to be awful for you.

I'd be pulling out of the trip

Reply and say "sorry I don't understand. Why is he upset?"

Wow. Can't believe how insensitive they've been making those kind of jokes when they know about your fertility issues, that's beyond shitty.

Also, why would you give a shit if you've upset the husband? Why does this woman feel the need to tell you this??!?

I definitely wouldn’t mind being excluded from the theme park trip, that will be awful.

YANBU about not wanting to watch their kids while you’re all away together

Yep this isn't going to be a trip that makes you happy
They sound cheeky and insensitive

I’m astonished that they wouldn’t be trying to be a bit more sensitive

Yanbu. No way do you babysit for the others unless you want to. You not unpaid help. Their children their problem. Can't believe the husband that sensitive. Has he got form as he is a cf to even suggest you do childcare.

These people are not your friends.

I really wouldn’t go.
The husband is only upset because he doesn’t get to dump his kids.

You need new friends.

Stick to your guns OP. This sounds like a set up for you to do the donkey work in looking after their kids.

I'd ask why he's upset, because of course you were both just joking around.

Did he know about your fertility issues? That's the only thing I can think would be reasonable, that he had no idea and is now mortified because he was actually joking...

But the appropriate reaction to that is an apology, not for his wife to tell you off, so that seems vanishing unlikely to be the reason.

Your friends are horrible to saying all that, knowing you have fertility issues. Would be bad enough anyway but that adds an extra layer of awfulness.

The message from my friend read "Hey, are you still planning to go to X's tomorrow? I know you won't have meant to come off so sharp but Gregg is upset by your message. Ive told him you won't have meant any harm."

I haven't replied, because whilst I don't want to fall out I feel that if anyone wanted an apology it should be me. In all honesty I am starting to worry about the trip. I needed a double check in case my own feelings about my fertility issues were giving me a skewed perception but the replies here have reassured me that it really isn't me causing the issue.

Ime it's fucking awful sharing a holiday with other people's dc... Even when you have your own.
Make your own plans for the majority of the time. And don't offer any childcare of any sort whatsoever

WTF! I would not be doing any babysitting out of principle on that trip if I were you.

I wouldn’t go.