For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

It's not ok to use even willingly child free friends as your sitters unless they want to or you can pay them back.

Christ do you even want to be friends with these people? They sound like shit friends on a number of levels.

Why on earth are you friends with these insensitive selfish idiots?

I would ring her and ask why Gregg is upset.

Old Gregg sounds like he is a sandwich short of a picnic - does he like Baileys?

But joking aside - this is your holiday, you and your partner are not a two-person creche for the others to take advantage. Joking or not - they seem to have made several comments along these lines and you are well within your rights to make things clear from the start. I don't think you came across harsh at all - you said 'Ha ha' at the start of your message didn't you? Should have been obvious to anyone.

I might be reconsidering the holiday if CFs take offence at literally nothing and are booking excursions without the courtesy of asking others on the holiday if they wish to go along or not. They seem very self-centred as I have to say - do they usually thing the world revolves around them?

YANBU.

You should arrange something with your DH, romantic dinner/trio to X attraction etc for all the times they assume you are looking after their children. Then say- oh, no we’re busy on that day.

This trip will 100% not go well, I'd back out.

It sounds like a passive aggressive message from your friend and that she is annoyed by your message rather than her husband, unless he is ultra sensitive. I would be really angry about this whole situation and wouldn't want to go on holiday with them. YANBU.

Oh right so it's okay for you to babysit whilst they sod off but now he's upset you don't want to?

Years ago with my DS was younger I used to be the default. One night at a family event I said very loudly that I had one child to look after (this was before my DSD) and sent other children to their parents for drinks, crisps, attention. I would do everyone mind everyone's DC but not when it was expected it was always me. As usual with some of my family they were happy for my life/fun to be sacrificed.

Don't apologise and don't babysit.

I would back out of the trip.

I understand PPs' opinions about standing firm, going along, and not babysitting, but life is too short to waste time and money on a holiday that is just going to be awkward.

They sound smug and insensitive and not really your friends.

They're being utter arseholes. The situation being what it is, they should be extra careful of your feelings, not the other way round. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you get your dream very soon.

The only response I can think of is, “why, does he have fertility issues too?”

Brilliant!!!!

I've just spoken to my husband who is furious. All three of the couples have made comments of some sort, and all obviously chatted about that other trip so whilst its Gregg and his wife that are the issue today, its really the whole lot of them that are part of this.

Ive replied, saying " I have no idea why Gregg is upset. The ongoing jokes about childcare because x and I don't have children aren't kind, and if anything they make me feel lonelier and more isolated. My response was gentle considering how insensitive the comments are in the first place".

These jokes about you doing childcare weren't actually jokes. I would pull out of the trip personally. Greg needs to get a grip also.

Gregg is an arse. Partly for his ridiculous reaction, partly for an extraneous G at the end of his name

I don't think gregg is upset. I think she is upset you dared to speak to her husband even slightly negatively.

Im with @Whistlingformysupper! Time to make a stand about all this ‘joking’ which seems to me the same as men’s sexiest comments being called ‘banter’. It’s not a joke and time to call them out on it.

The cheeky fucker….. and the wife for “ pseudo “ sticking up for him xx

Its hard enough when ttc to be around new parents but this sounds awful. I'm wondering were the comments about minding the kids just lame jokes, not actual suggestions that you do this. And your reply to a 'ioke' with a serious comment made them feel it changed the tone? Either that or they are absolutely insensitive assholes. Sometimes these WhatsApp or whatever group chats can cause more hassle than they are worth as tone and context are so easily misinterpreted.

Good for you. What utter arseholes. Gregg can fuck off with his combination of thin skin and insensitive behaviour.

Amazing response! Really pleased you sent it .. frankly it needs to go on the group chat, insensitive twats.

Jesus they are totally insensitive, how you’ve put up with their bullying and bullshit I really don’t know. If anyone should be upset it should be you and your DH.

Well done. Good response. They sound awful people.

They sound like an insensitive bunch of self centred twats . When I was battling infertility I had friends trying to.dump their kids on me with more than one using the excuse of how nice it would be for me to get to be around children . I would seriously reply that you have no idea why this man is upset. You are the one having your feelings trodden all over with their entitlement and so called jokes. I'm fuming on your behalf.