For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

The right outcome. Well done, both of you. The only explanation for such baffling expectations on their part would be that they were paying you to come along as the help. Other people's kids can be a pain in the arse, and if theirs take after their parents, that's guaranteed.

Well I hope you get the apology that you deserve OP.

Sorry OP.. Just spotted your update. Your reply was perfect and your DH is a gem.

The fact they've already been making comments to him and the other couple jumping in to the defence of the poor fragile upset husband, destroyed by a fairly mild and non emotive comment - indicates that it would have been a difficult holiday.

Hope you and DH have a splendid holiday together doing fun things instead of having people dragging you down and wanting you to run around after them. x

This. Gregg is in a strop because he has metaphorically had both buttocks clobbered by his hoped-for babysitter. That was never part of his plan, or his pals. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Or should that be 'ggood'?

Your DH is aces!! Hope you can plan a lovely holiday instead. 💐

DH has sent a message to the group. It basically says that jokes like Greggs have been tasteless, while I might have the patience of a saint this was his last straw and we'll be pulling out of the trip

Just as well, OP, and TBH your worries about "falling out" with them were a bit pointless since you'd have finished up doing that while on holiday anyway ... unless of course you were prepared tto become the tag-along childminder, which clearly isn't acceptable

Great response OP, and OP’s DH. It’s lovely to hear of a DH who properly has his wife’s back for a change.

Gregg (dick head with the superfluous g) and his wife sound like utter knobs. So nasty and insensitive. And yes they definitely weren’t joking and had you lined up as the childcare. They were trying to strong arm you into it in advance.

DH has said we should use the time booked off and go for a city break abroad - my choice where.

Theres been no response on either the group chat or to my message, so I suppose if it stays like that it speaks volumes.

Thank you everyone, that was the sense check I needed. Its crazy the way you doubt yourself, but I'd be so angry if this were happening to my siblings or friends.

Hahahaha that extra g is really annoying isn’t it?

why oh why did mumsnet remove the laughing emoji

Ooh I love Dubrovnik!! Quick everyone - make some lovely suggestions!!

Oh wow, he sounds very delicate. If he had an issue with what you said, he should have put his big boy pants on and used his big boy words to tell you himself.
I’m guessing that when he saw your message, he saw the free childcare disappearing into the sunset.
Maybe you should consider feigning illness to get out of this trip. Do let us know what you end up doing and how it all turns out.

They've pulled out of the trip.

The husbands a wet wipe.

if I was him I would feel bad for even suggesting you had to look after someone else's kids when you are struggling to conceive yourself.

best of luck to you on your journey as well.

Whether you want children of your own or not, their requests/assumptions that you'll babysit are completely unreasonable. Even if you were child free by choice, it still wouldn't be OK.

But the fact you do want children and don't have them makes the requests not only unreasonable but extremely insensitive.

They need to step out of their entitled bubble and you probably need better friends.

Gosh I'm so sorry OP. You and your other half sound lovely. I'm so glad he's got your back, you are a great team.

Amsterdam?

Bruges?

Barcelona?

Paris?

I’d love all those!

Barcelona is fabulous

Or Dublin!!

Im glad your husband is supportive and has drawn a line.
Perhaps you'll meet some better friend prospects on your travels 🤞

They’re frantically WhatsApping separately, all trying to hide between each other.

Where you thinking of going?

I love a city break.

Depends when you are going but Florence. Sienna, Venice. or the Italian Lakes.
I keep hearing Budapest and Prague are interesting (never been to those two tho)

Your friends were hurtful and insensitive considering your fertility issues.

Though even if you and your husband had no fertility issues and were happily childfree by choice, it still does not mean you do the de facto childcare and babysitting or the “getting home of the Mums ok”. The absolute cheek of them!

So do I, so I’m also suggesting it!

Bravo to you and your DH. So lovely to hear your DH has your back.

I bet Greggggggg was being faux upset as he knows he made an insensitive comment. They'll all be frantically messaging together to find out the best way to respond to you both.

Me too.