For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

They are beyond insensitive. I think now you’ve pulled out of the trip it’s time to consider moving on from the group.

I can’t bare how awful it is to go through miscarriage and infertility and for you supposed friends who should be sensitive to your feelings are making jokes about you. Trust me, if they’re like that to your face / over text, they probably say things behind your back

That's a fantastic message.

Good for you.

And go your DH for having your back

Oh no this group of friends seems horrible. It seems that the other 3 couples have formed their own group and having been hanging out without you and making plans to take advantage of the fact that you don't have kids on holiday. This is shockingly insensitive to know you're trying and have not yet had the success you hoped for and not just rub it in your face but also act like you owe it to them to be childcare.

Great job standing up to them and pulling out of the trip. You deserve so much better.

Great responses from you both OP.

No doubt they'll come back and say it has all been blown out of proportion to try and cover their own arses, it's a shame that the kids have a bunch of pricks for parents.

Is Gregg Gregg Wallace? Only explanation for such crass behaviour.

How cruel of your ‘friends’!! I thought people became empathetic or more empathetic once they became parents - at least that’s what we’ve been frequently told!

Gregg’s already annoyed me even before he said anything to you. Him and his stupid extra ‘g’.

Well done for standing up for yourself op. Best to do it now than when you were away and can't escape

I just want to say how much I love how you both have handled this. From your initial response, to the message from you to Mrs Gregg and from your DH to the group.

If and when it happens for you, you’ll be brilliant parents.

Bullseye 🎯

😂

Perfect response from you both.
These people sound absolutely horrible.

Not RTFT, but fuck that, I wouldn't go. These people are not your friends.

your response? "I meant the same amount of harm as he did"

People like this give parents a bad name. I would not want to go with them, and I am a parent.

Perfect response. You are a hero xxx

Gregg and his missus are pricks .

Double bullseye 🎯 🎯

Your husband is a keeper 🥰

I'm sure you do love their kids but their parents don't respect you.

Your DH sounds like an absolute gem! Pulling out of the trip sounds sensible - he wants to protect you both from a holiday filled with insensitive comments and being the default babysitter.

Completely unreasonable for Gregg to be the one who is offended - how insensitive can one person be?!

This!!!

The Friend's husband isn't upset because of hurt feelings... he's upset because that was the CF's first stage getting you to commit to free babysitting and you very reasonably foiled that notion. Good for you.

Sack off this holiday, there's already a them and us situation developing.. You'll be cooking dinner whilst they read their kids bedtime stories and the husbands are drinking in the garden ( this happened to me once! Lazy sods treated me like a housekeeper!)

I'd be upset about the implication I was there as childcare anyway - deeply weird (don't have children if you can't bear the thought of holidaying with them FFS). In the aftermath of a miscarriage and fertility issues I'd be incandescent. You were extremely restrained, not sharp at all - the husband sounds like he can dish it out but not take it. I'd also look askance at any friends who joined in even if they didn't start it, given your issues it's unacceptable.

I wouldn't be in the mood to go away with them after that, but if you do, be sure to pre-emptively upset the husband - perhaps by looking at him a bit funny or stealing his teddy. Absolutely awful people. Take yourself to the fun place without them as well.

Your lovely husband. Wonderful to have a man like that in your corner 😍😍🥰

What awful people! The things they’ve said are bloody nasty. I’m so glad that you and your DH have made your feelings clear (not that you should need to though). I hope that the messages give them something to really think about.

I’d be cancelling the trip! Being uninvited to the day trip and all these comments? Rude.

I think he's upset because she's told him that she and her husband aren't going to be free child care, thereby putting the skids under any impending cheeky fuckery!