For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

I'm really not. I think it's weird to invite your childfree friend to Disneyland with a group of people who all have kids. I also think it's weird to want to go! And I have kids!

WTF!! They are all CF's! I definitely would not be doing any babysitting and I would ask to go on the trip they have all planned. Even if it's not your thing, I would grin and bear it, just to prove a point!

Yes itt’s a big deal to be excluded from an event on a group holiday - the OP wasn’t happy about it anyway so it really isn’t relevant whether you think it’s a big deal or not. There was no reason not to give them the option

Good decisions OP. I’m sorry you are going through a tough time and wish you both health and happiness in the future. Enjoy your trip away just the two of you and hope you maintain a friendship with the apologetic couple.

Oh poor sensitive friends husband ... no apologies to him or any of them ... you do you xx

I took it to mean that the Disneyland trip was during the planned shared holiday. It’s pretty rude to plan a day out on a joint holiday and exclude others on the holiday from the plan.

Well done. Hopefully it's possible to build a relationship with the couple who came round to apologise, but the others have shown such immaturity and insensitivity that they don't deserve your friendship. You sound like just the kind of friend anyone would be lucky to have. Enjoy your well deserved city break.

I took it to mean that as well.

Sending many, many good wishes.

You and your husband handled this amazingly. You did not send outrageous messages to the group, just calm measured responses. I'm glad at least one couple have seen the error if their ways.

Bloody hell. I think your friends are extremely self-entitled.

If you are a pessimist anxious used of weirdos…maybe?

If a child asks to his mom if she is free for Xmas, it is to invite her. If you don’t have any intention of spending Xmas with your mom, just don’t ask for her plans…. That is plain cruel.

Would love to know who the 1% is who thought this outrageous behaviour was reasonable!
probably one of these so called friends of the op!

OK, I see, I didn't realise that. Yep that is rude then to at least not ask (although they may have assumed OP wanted some space). I thought it was an entirely different trip.

If they want childcare perhaps invite a grandparent or nanny.

I don’t think it’s 100 per cent clear if the ‘Disneyland trip’ was part of a day trip on the planned holiday or a separate event. If it was the former as I’d originally assumed, then it’s awful to assume they dont want to be part of all activities on the holiday and exclude without asking. If the latter, more understandable but given they are a group of 4 couples that spend enough time together to plan a holiday still a little bit inconsiderate not to ask.

Glad you have resolved things with the mortified couple OP and hope you continue to maintain a friendship with them. Wishing you all the very best with your fertility struggles

That's total insanity, why on earth dies you not having children make you a babysitter? Is this just from the latest couple to have a baby or all couples, you not having children should be the ones having fun and them looking after you
What was situation when 2 couples had no children were you expected to babysit everyone else then?
It's so insensitive of them knowing you are trying and had miscarriage already they don't sound like good friends to me. As for the husband getting upset at your remark that needs to be addressed with him , probably the woman thats more upset. I would definitely disappear and do your own thing or make sure you've had a skinful before the others lol.
I hope you are successful very soon with having a baby too 🙏

That’s exactly why I replied to you the way I did because I genuinely couldn’t understand why you weren’t getting how rude it was. Your comments make much more sense if you were thinking this was an entirely different trip!!

I thought I was going crazy 😆 Thank you! @needtolose70lb

Unfortunately the world is full of people who overstep the mark, then are offended when it is pointed out to them instead of simply apologising.

HmThis man us upset!!He should grow a pair!!
This holiday will be a nightmare for you. They are treating you like the au pair. Your fertility issues have no bearing on the situation.
At the best they are being thoughtless. At the worst they are being selfish and using you.
Tell them outright that you won't baby sit.

@Endorewitch - there is an option for you to choose to read all of the Original Poster’s posts before commenting on just the first one, that way you’ll know everything that has happened since their first post and won’t be out of date when you post to the thread.

Sorry @Trainfortwoplease they sound awful x