For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

Excellent response OP.

Well done for not making out it was all a big joke.
They are being insensitive by highlighting that you are child free, especially when you are having complications.

Gregg sounds like a wet lettuce if he thought that was a sharp response, and his wife should've looked at the bigger picture before conveying Greg's upset to you.
They don't sound like people I'd want to spend a weekend away with.

I’d be worried now though that when for instance the 3yr old toddles up to you on holiday to show you something, parents will jump in with a snide “AuntieX isn’t here to babysit darling” type remark.
Id see them all a few times before considering whether to still go on holiday or it could be awful for you

Is it too late to drop out and go somewhere different with DH?

Why could they possibly think you owe them anything though? They seem strange.

Goodness OP!! Well done!! That’s put a bomb under it!! I have the feeling that this is the last straw for you with this group and their ways - thoughtless at best, entitled and cruel at worst. They should feel ashamed of themselves but be ready for the gas lighting/doubling down. They won’t like their bad behaviour being highlighted.

That was a clear and measured response op, Gregg and his wife need to apologise but its likely they'll double down unfortunately.

OP take a breather and a step back

No one that is your true friend would say a comment like that or joke about you being a babysitter after going through miscarriage and fertility issues.

I have lost babies myself and I would be floored if someone said that to me

They are not your friends.

How dare they make out that “you upset the husband”

OP please; get rid of these people and focus on your life xx

Your response was perfect. Frankly you’ve been remarkably gracious considering they are being such arseholes.

Gregg needs to grow a pair. (Has the poor lamb just lost his job on TV?)

Bloody well done o with your response. If anyone deserves an apology it should be you. Your friends don’t sound very kind people

I'm childfree by choice but it's amazing how many people think it must be your turn to childmind because you have lots of free time. In your case it's really mean because they know you'd like to have DC. When they start saying it will be good practice for you that's the time to tell them to piss off Op. Stay at home and have fun instead

Good for you. It's so refreshing to see an OP who isn't a wet lettuce!

Agree with this im never doing a holiday with other peoples children again and I’m a mum it’s too hard to coordinate activities and have time to yourself

Great response!
If Gregg and his mates are still upset that's tough. Tell them all to do one, cancel the trip and go elsewhere.
They're not your friends- they've obviously all had a little chat about how they're entitled to time away from their children, have decided that you'd be over the moon to look after them because you have none of your own and that they're actually doing you a favour, and why would you say no??
Entitled pricks.

A fine and decent response @Trainfortwoplease.

Good response OP! I had fertility issues too and tbh I find any jokes like this in poor taste. If I were you I would reconsider this holiday.

Yes it’s so insensitive and entitled at the same time!

Well done OP. No real loss if this couple and the other couples are out of your life. The only Greggs you should have any time for are the bakery.

Well as I wrote out my message above, my DH has sent a message to the group. It basically says that jokes like Greggs have been tasteless, while I might have the patience of a saint this was his last straw and we'll be pulling out of the trip.

He's normally so measured, but I think knowing its really gotten to me tipped him over.

@alcoholnightmare thats my worry. I actually love their kids, and it feels like now no matter what I do it will be awkward.

Really good response.

I think it’s a bloody cheek that they’re assuming you will provide childcare so they can have a night off or will be the default driver etc., and to exclude you from the trip is just rude!

Cancel the trip and you and your husband go somewhere else and enjoy the peace they can look after their own children

Being child free for any reason does not make you the de facto childcare. I had no support when my kids were small but I never expected child care from anyone if I couldn’t reciprocate. They are twats imo. I’m actually annoyed in your behalf

“Responsible for getting all the mums home from the pub”?

Yuck. How disgusting. And disrespectful. And dismissive of your fertility issues.

Your DH is one of the good ones. Take some time away from this insensitive bunch.

They sound awful. Good reply about poor little Gregg's upset and pulled out of the trip.