To mention lack of thank you card

[Pouringfrogs]

DSiL got married last summer. They live abroad so we made a long weekend of it (well, we had to, it’s a flight away- but did it gladly).

We put money in their card. DB was also asked last minute to oversee a few things on the day, which he was happy to do.

It‘s almost a year on and we have received no thank you card. Her DM has been upset about it and had words around Christmas time. DSiL said she was busy and they hadn’t got round to it bit were working on it.

DSiL doesn’t work, and has one child with her ex with 50% custody. So I‘m not sure how she hasn’t found the time. Of course it isn’t only up to her, her DH too, but I feel like there is no excuse for being so rude.

They are coming to see us soon and I‘m tempted to say something. DH doesn’t think I should.

Thank you cards are largely defunct as a social norm now. It's a shame but probably helpful to adjust your expectations really.

I wouldn’t expect a thank you card at all.
of course you gave them money and helped out, it’s a wedding!
so no, I wouldn’t say anything personally.

Don't say anything. This isn't worth falling out over. Especially if the DM has already made the point once. If you said something I think you would be rude too. There is worse in life quite honestly.

Thank you cards in 2025? 🙄 YABU

How is she related to you? Is this your husband's sister or your brother's wife? And I know you acknowledged it's her husband's responsibility too, but you seem to reserve your ire for her.

I wouldn't say anything anyway. Her mother's already had words and it made hee haw difference. It will just cause an atmosphere on her visit.

I didn’t send them either , a lot of our guests stayed the night and we thanked them personally at breakfast and individually during the wedding for coming and for their gift

This is a very dated idea, sorry. I'm mid 40s and have only one friend who sends cards. I see it as quaint/formal.

How is she related to you? Is she your brother’s new wife? If so, of course he had to do stuff on the day.
Or is she your husband’s sister? If so, why was your brother involved at all?

I’d be mildly disgruntled at the time but, you’re a year on. Move on.

What do you mean it's not the norm to send thank you cards???

In this modern age you can do it virtually! Don't even need to post them. Couldn't be easier

I must be old fashioned then. I got married quite a long time ago and wouldn’t have dreamed of not thanking my guests. Especially ones who travelled for our wedding.

I don’t actually know of they received the money, the cards were left in a box so it could have got lost or stolen.

DSiL is my DH sister. Definitely not putting all the blame on her, but we are both closer to her than her husband.

Give a gift, because you want to give a gift … not because you expect something in return

They did send their invite digitally so thank you cards could have been done the same way.

That should be DH, as in my DH. Not DB.

I got married 3 years ago and sent thank you cards to all my guests.
My husband sent them to his (on my prompting).

You are not wrong, l wouldn't expect a card, but a watsapp or a txt at least..
Im still annoyed my niece didn't say thank you for the money sent her as a wedding gift, we weren't invited to the wedding as it was a small affair, but how long does it take to send a message.

I received a text to thank me after the last wedding I went to.

And how much would you like her to gush about your astonishing generosity to make you feel like she has paid you the respect you feel you deserve?

You went of your own free will.
She presumably offered hospitality.

She just hasn't don't a card.

surely you've spoken to your brother in the last year and can ask him why he is being so rude despite your incredibly generous gift?

Or you could make ot interesting and just ask them why she isn't doing the "wife work" because he works and she doesn't.

I don't know if you think somehow you're being clever by not asking those exact words because your intent will be spotted a mile off.

Listen to your husband. There's a reason you married him.

Thank you card ? Do people still send them. I think I last received one maybe 2010 ish for a wedding gift. It's a waste of paper and over priced postage

Can’t believe people are saying it’s not normal to send thank you cards!! Wow! what an awful lack of manners! I would be really cross not to receive some sort of personal thanks whether it be via card, message etc. People spend a lot of money and go to a lot of effort to attend weddings so a thanks is the least a bride and groom can manage!! I wouldn’t dream of receiving a gift and not saying thank you!

Fucking hell, that's even worse that you want to stick your beak in.

It was bad enough when it was your brothers wife but good lord, if she is your husband's sister you need to back the fuck up or you'll.wreck your own marriage for a temporary feeling of superiority.

Crikey.

You'd be very unreasonable/silly a year on.

@EggnogNoggin

If the person I was aiming my upset at was my DB, would you still be so aggressive?

Sometimes people change details on threads to avoid being outed.

DSiL is my DH sister. Definitely not putting all the blame on her, but we are both closer to her than her husband.

Absolutely say nothing. Your husband doesn't want you to raise the matter with his sister. He presumably won't say anything either.

His mother has already said something and got nowhere.

Why on earth would you think it appropriate for YOU to bring it up?

YANBU. I’ve never not received one from any wedding I’ve attended, regardless of whether I was an all day or evening guest or how close I am to the happy couple. Most included thoughtful photos of their day together with a handwritten thank you.

Even those who don’t bother usually did bother for their wedding. Also for presents for the birth of their first child.