To mention lack of thank you card

[Pouringfrogs]

DSiL got married last summer. They live abroad so we made a long weekend of it (well, we had to, it’s a flight away- but did it gladly).

We put money in their card. DB was also asked last minute to oversee a few things on the day, which he was happy to do.

It‘s almost a year on and we have received no thank you card. Her DM has been upset about it and had words around Christmas time. DSiL said she was busy and they hadn’t got round to it bit were working on it.

DSiL doesn’t work, and has one child with her ex with 50% custody. So I‘m not sure how she hasn’t found the time. Of course it isn’t only up to her, her DH too, but I feel like there is no excuse for being so rude.

They are coming to see us soon and I‘m tempted to say something. DH doesn’t think I should.

Very few folk do thank you cards these days - did they say thank you at the time?

You’ve been annoyed about not getting a card for a year now.

Thank you cards are still a thing in my world! Yes, it was rude to not even send an online thank you to their guests but I wouldn’t bring it up now. I would definitely have asked before now, if they received your card and money ok. Presumably you or your husband has spoken or messaged them in the last year?

Well then if it’s DH’s sister, let him deal with it, it’s his family.

Or do you think it’s a woman’s job to do it? Did you buy the card etc for the wedding?

I can’t stand thank cards, they go straight in the bin. What a waste of time and money. It’s a very out dated process, we even got one for attending a kids birthday party once and I was baffled.

I do think it very rude not to thank people for a gift but I’m not sure I’d say anything just not to rock the boat . If it becomes a gift giving relationship and never a thankyou I’d stop . If anything is said about why the gifts stop I’d just say , oh we weren’t sure if they reached you as we never had an acknowledgment or oh we werent sure if it was appropriate and didn’t want to make it awkward as you never mentioned them , just something to turn the lack of thankyou / acknowledgment/ feedback on them .

YABU

It is my pleasure to attend someone’s wedding or other event or give presents etc to someone I care about. I wouldn’t give a thank you card a second thought and I really can’t believe people would be that pissed off about it a year later.

I got married 6 years ago and did send cards, but then didn’t send thank you cards for gifts after the birth of my kids, or after my son’s birthday party, and I haven’t sent xmas cards the past 2 years.

I have friends from abroad whose culture is not to send any cards inc birthday, and friends who also never do cards. Never offended me.

Please also do consider the outrageous cost of stamps now, which is partly why I have been glad not to send xmas cards.

It surely is something to be sulking about one year later.

Honestly, I'd prefer nobody bothered sending me thank you cards after weddings. I attribute no value to them, will always have seen photos by then anyway and would hope the couple (or the bride probably, lets be honest) have better things to do. I'm always glad when I get a what's app instead, suits me much better.

I remember threads about dc not giving thanks for Christmas presents and birthday presents. Nearly every reply is don’t give any more presents. Same applies here. It’s staggering how many posters are not thanking people, even for a one off wedding gift and few are following up advice given to dc. Dc who don’t thank adults on mn are called brats, rude, disrespectful, poorly brought up etc etc. These dc seem to be the adults on here.

Maybe if a child has never said thank you then follow up with no wedding present when they are older? You know they won’t thank you!

Would people necessarily be giving adult SILs presents anyway? I get on pretty well with my brothers and sisters in law but we don't do birthday and Christmas presents for adults, it's just more stuff and faff that nobody really wants.

There's the question of presents if they go on to have DC, but then that's a gift for a different person altogether.

For me there’s a difference; people came to my wedding and I said thank you for coming to their face. Someone gives me a present I say thank you to them when they give me the present. I’m not sure why people need a card afterwards reiterating the thank you?

I agree. I’d love to reduce adult presents. We thought one year we had agreed not to swap with siblings & spouses, but then they both bought us something, we didn’t and I was mortified! So went back to buying. We do buy for nieces/nephews/godchildren, but I’ve stopped presents for adult friends now I’m buying for their children. It all gets really silly doesn’t it 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

@Hotandbotheredflower Many wedding gifts are off lists or wrapped up and put on a table. Who gives it to the happy couple in the reception line? It’s being polite to follow up with a Thank You. But manners have disappeared. I’d avoid giving a gift these days. My DDs don’t expect them either. Best way out for everyone.

I send cards but if someone thanks me face to face or by text then I would be happy with that. No acknowledgement at all is a bit rude but many people don't send cards these days.....have you seen how much stamps cost?

Christ, it's been a year. Get over it. I might have made a mental note of hmmm no thank you card and then completely forgot about it. The fact you are still stewing over it a year later is weird, and no you shouldn't mention it now, or ever.

Yeah it's nice to receive a thank you card, but for whatever reason she hasn't done it. I wouldn't get worked up about it.

My DS got married a couple of months ago. I was thanked verbally at the wedding for attending and had a text when I filled in my 'purchase' from the wedding gift list, thanking me for my choice. I wouldn't expect (or, indeed, know what to do with) a thank you card. Society has moved on in the many years since I got married first time and my mother made me sit and fill in thank you cards for gifts. But she also made me write thank you letters for Christmas presents because it was expected then. As long as you've been thanked in some format, I count that as a win.

I’ve had one ‘thank you’ from the last four weddings we have attended. None of the weddings were local to us, and we gifted over £200 to each couple. I find it insanely rude that entitled people think that a lazy, generic ‘Thanks to everyone who celebrated with us yesterday’ Facebook post is sufficient recognition of someone paying a fortune and giving up days of their time to attend their wedding.

People understandably complain when they don’t get a thank you for a child’s birthday gift (which has probably cost £25 and 30 minutes of your time). Yet it’s ’old fashioned’ to expect similar for something that’s cost £1000+ and three days.

Ideally they would have thanked you in some way.

But come on, this is history now, a year later. You would look ridiculous mentioning it. Really petty and creating a bad atmosphere/feeling.

Either enjoy their company or don’t meet up. But having not seen a relative for ages, goign to see them and getting a bollockign (however subtly delivered) would just make you not want to go again.

Hmm, I'd say people complaining about not getting thanked for a child's birthday present get much shorter shrift on MN than those complaining about not being thanked for a wedding present. As you say, the expense is so much less.

It's 2025, we don't need to do thank you cards anymore. It's all well and good saying "back in my day blah blah blah" but it is 2025. Anyone under the age of 30 is most likely not going to give a shit about the cultural norms of the mid 1900s.

I agree it's rude not to send a thank you card. Always has been and continues to be. I've never not received one after a wedding..but you shouldn't say anything about it....as that would also be rude.

It is just rude not to text thankyou to an Aunty who sent a wedding gift and wasn't even invited to the wedding. That would annoy me too. A text takes about 30 seconds.

They’re not. It’s basic manners to thank people

When I got married in my early twenties a few years ago, I had no idea that we were supposed to send thank you cards. We thanked everyone in speeches, we thanked each guest personally, text them the next day to say thank you and then did a post on social media, tagging everyone that was online, thanking everyone again. We thought that was enough.

One family member caused a huge fuss, fall outs were had and it caused me so so much anxiety that I kept thinking to myself that all of our guests must have felt that way and thinking we're ungrateful and rude. So I text everyone apologising that we hadn't sent them and most didn't even care.

If you're thanking people several times over the day or two they're joining you to see you marry then surely that's enough? I don't think thank you cards are the norm now but oh boy, if I'd have known then I'd have sent them because that family member caused so much shit over a fucking thank you card.