To mention lack of thank you card

[Pouringfrogs]

DSiL got married last summer. They live abroad so we made a long weekend of it (well, we had to, it’s a flight away- but did it gladly).

We put money in their card. DB was also asked last minute to oversee a few things on the day, which he was happy to do.

It‘s almost a year on and we have received no thank you card. Her DM has been upset about it and had words around Christmas time. DSiL said she was busy and they hadn’t got round to it bit were working on it.

DSiL doesn’t work, and has one child with her ex with 50% custody. So I‘m not sure how she hasn’t found the time. Of course it isn’t only up to her, her DH too, but I feel like there is no excuse for being so rude.

They are coming to see us soon and I‘m tempted to say something. DH doesn’t think I should.

Well lots of people actually don’t send physical cards anymore.

Also wedding invitations serve a purpose - to make sure people come to your wedding.

Finally, they are pretty generic- you simply write someone’s name at the top. Would you really want an equivalent generic thank you card with just your name written at the top - surely that’s totally meaningless?

Absolutely. Especially given that nowadays guests usually face even bigger demands cost-wise. Increasingly lavish and long hen/stag dos, weddings going on days at very pricey venues, expensive destination weddings. Demands that guests pay and stay, organise and pay for expensive childcare, etc. etc. Then in return not even take the time to send a proper thank you for all that time, effort and expense? No, not the done thing. People years ago who threw tar cheaper weddings certainly had far better manners despite having a wedding that many of today’s happy couples would look down their noses on!

I agree with you op. It’s just the right thing to thank people whether it’s in person, by text, by email or yes, by card.

This pathetic excuse of it being ‘old fashioned’ doesn’t fly with me. It’s just lazy selfish people who want the goodies but who simply cba putting any iota of effort into a simple courtesy.

People have dipped their hand in their pocket and celebrated your wedding - how hard is it to show a smidge of consideration in return ffs! It isn’t.

YANBU.

I personally give a gift simply to give another person pleasure. I actually really don’t want a thank you card- I want you to relax and enjoy the gift, not go out and buy cards, sit scribbling away and then have to go and find stamps, a postbox etc.

I think it takes away the joy of giving a gift, if you immediately make someone feel beholden to doing something for you in return.

So you want someone to feel obliged to add a task to their list of jobs, in return for your gift. To me that’s not a nice way to think.

OP hasn’t stated she wasn’t thanked in person which most people do at a wedding. A receiving line and working your way round the guests normally involves a thank you for coming.

They are specifically complained about not getting a thank you card.

So while I agree you should say thank you, I don’t think being upset about a thank you card is ok when they were probably thanked in person (yey to be determined)

OP has stated that she hasn't been thanked in any way

I gave my sister money in a card after her wedding. (I didnt put it in the little letterbox on the day as i was her bridesmaid and didnt get a chance)
She took the card and put it in her handbag.
I can only assume she opened it when she got home. I received no card/thankyou text.
So I sent her a text a few days later to double check she had received what was inside because I'm pushy like that.
She said ' oh yes, thanks' . I was slightly annoyed that I had to ask.
Just a text of ' thankyou ' is enough and shouldn't be too taxing for most people.

So she didn't even thank you when she took the card from you?

Erm, I think Thank You cards are called WhatsApps now. Have you seen the price of stamps?!

I feel the same. Moreover it's interesting the number of posters who are adamant that thank you cards are essential for courtesy, but completely fail to consider whether the people they send them to actually welcome them.

If you've actually weighed the issue up and decided that you value your preferences more than other people's, that's fair enough if you're honest about it. Nothing wrong with doing something for yourself. But if your argument is that it's about concern for others, that includes the ones who don't agree with you.

Didn't happen for me. A card left. $150 inside. No acknowledgement whatsoever. A text, email or whatsapp would be fine by me.

And what is wrong with being quaint or formal if one is also being courteous? Or is courtesy outdated?

I used to insist my DD wrote them for birthdays and Christmas for elderly relatives who would appreciate them. A couple of years she moaned about it but I said ‘that’s fine, I’ll write to say you got the present but you couldn’t be bothered to write 3 lines in a card so they don’t need to be bothered to send a present next time’.
However for most people I would expect a text or verbal thanks to suffice (especially with the cost of stamps!)