To mention lack of thank you card

[Pouringfrogs]

DSiL got married last summer. They live abroad so we made a long weekend of it (well, we had to, it’s a flight away- but did it gladly).

We put money in their card. DB was also asked last minute to oversee a few things on the day, which he was happy to do.

It‘s almost a year on and we have received no thank you card. Her DM has been upset about it and had words around Christmas time. DSiL said she was busy and they hadn’t got round to it bit were working on it.

DSiL doesn’t work, and has one child with her ex with 50% custody. So I‘m not sure how she hasn’t found the time. Of course it isn’t only up to her, her DH too, but I feel like there is no excuse for being so rude.

They are coming to see us soon and I‘m tempted to say something. DH doesn’t think I should.

I agree that thank you cards are defunct but saying thank you isn't.

I don't send thank you cards but I will make sure to thank the person either by calling, texting, video calling on WhatsApp or seeing them in person. I will find a way to acknowledge the gift and thank them.

Yeah I think some people are trying to excuse their own rudeness to be honest. How does saying thank you via text, email, card or whatever become dated?!

Did they say thank you etc on the day?

My granny in her 90s got stroppy if she didn’t get a thank you card. While it may have been nice to receive one, you have to move on.
judging your SIL for her shared custody/not working and linking that to something so minor is rather petty I’m afraid. If I were you I’d work to put that judgment to one side and get on with life. It’s not worth causing a row over.

No

There's a difference between saying thank you and saying it must be a card.

I can't remember the last time I went to post office to post a letter or card so you will not get a thank you card from me but as I said I my earlier post I do believe in being grateful and thankful and I will find a way be it text, video call, audio call, in person etc to acknowledge the gift and say thanks.

I think it's good manners to send a thank you card/text but a after a year... it's time to move on.

Awful behaviour, she is preventing you being able to send a thank you for the thank you card, for which she can thank you. No manners at all.

You said that they live abroad, are the thank you cards a cultural norm in their geographical and age group?

I'm not British and it is just one of those things older Brittons seem obsessed about.

I still send thank you cards. I drop written notes after dinner parties etc. I don't care if it's old fashioned or regarded as quaint. I was brought up to do it. I understand why the OP is annoyed but you can't police the behaviour of others.

They are both British

We did them after our wedding and the christenings of our children, but I’ve only ever received a handful from family friends in a certain circle. Sadly, we don’t even get many Christmas cards now. I genuinely think the tradition is dying out. You can just verbally ask if they received your card and wedding money though.

Thank you cards for weddings are very much expected. They’re rude but its not your problem

Sometimes I wonder whether Mumsnet is in any way representative of the current Universe…

No, it is not in any way acceptable to not thank people for presents.

And no, not responding to an RSVP invitation is not acceptable either.

What's next - putting feet on coffee tables, sneezing/coughing without covering your mouth, pushing pensioners out of the way while getting on a bus……

You aren't though are you?

You're no less aggressive with your petty "shall I say something because she doesn't even have a job and she hasn't thanked me for my money".

You can say it with pretty words but your attitude about it stinks. I'd never behave like you. So if you want to call me aggressive for being blunt, sure, go ahead. It doesn't mean you're acting like a nicer person than me though.

Saying 'I am expecting a thank you card still for the wedding gift I gave you a year ago'. Isn't really going to go down well.

They invited you and presumably supplied food, drink and entertainment. I personally would try and send thank you cards straight after the event but many don't and you shouldn't take it as an insult.

I am with you, I think it's rude not to send a thank-you card. I would not say anything as I don't think it will achieve anything

Yeah, but it is a habit in the place where the are living now?

It just looks weird to be buthurt a year after over a missing bit of performative gratefullnes.

This should be enough if something must be sent.

Personally, if people thank me on the day that's fine.

I still send thank you cards after being invited for dinner and for any birthday or Christmas presents so can't imagine not thanking folks for a wedding present and help. I also write to thank the hosts for the wedding invitation and party
... I love getting a card / letter in the post.

I sent them after my wedding in 2010

But you can’t chase somebody up over one after a year!! Let it go OP.

This is your husband's family. If anything were to be said, it should come from him. But let it go.

I presume thry said something like thank you for coming at the time, no i dont expect a thank you card for anything that is what the words thank you are for

And if they don’t…?

The vote result doesn't surprise me. You'll get so many posts saying people don't do cards it s waste of time and paper what does it matter.

My kids are 20-24 and still send thank yous. I've brought them up with manners. If someone is kind enough to send cash or spend the time to chose and give a gift, a card is the right response.