To mention lack of thank you card

[Pouringfrogs]

DSiL got married last summer. They live abroad so we made a long weekend of it (well, we had to, it’s a flight away- but did it gladly).

We put money in their card. DB was also asked last minute to oversee a few things on the day, which he was happy to do.

It‘s almost a year on and we have received no thank you card. Her DM has been upset about it and had words around Christmas time. DSiL said she was busy and they hadn’t got round to it bit were working on it.

DSiL doesn’t work, and has one child with her ex with 50% custody. So I‘m not sure how she hasn’t found the time. Of course it isn’t only up to her, her DH too, but I feel like there is no excuse for being so rude.

They are coming to see us soon and I‘m tempted to say something. DH doesn’t think I should.

Why so aggressive, was steam coming out your ears (or nose 😁) 😤

you're very lucky that you must have very little life problems so this seems like an issue.
people dont send thank you cards anymore.

So what issues are people allowed to post about then?

Not aggressive. Adult language on an adult forum. No sugar coating. Not that it makes a difference, OP still stinks she ought to fanny around getting herself involved in blaming her brother's wife or husband's sister for their joint lack of a thank you card that she thinks she bought the right to.

I went to 2 family weddings last year. Both times put £200 in a card. Received a thank you for neither. This made me think that maybe it’s not a ‘thing’ anymore. I would never say anything.

When we got married, we had thank you cards that had a photo of us on the wedding day and we diligently wrote one to every single person that gave us a gift. Maybe that’s an old fashioned notion nowadays. 🤷‍♀️

Has she not thanked you in any way at all?

Nobody does thank you cards anymore.

Nobody doesn't do thank you cards, or at least an acknowledgement, in my world.

How ungrateful. They are not ‘baffling’ at all, only to people who have poor manners. I’m actually ‘baffled’ by people who allow their children to rip open birthday/Xmas presents mindlessly with zero clue who actually bothered to give them to them.

I note down who bought my children what (as I am grateful to anyone who spent money and time on choosing a gift for my children). My children write a personal thank you card to each person, they enjoy doing them and they are great at saying what they liked or enjoyed about it.

I also purposefully thank people out loud in front of my children and tell them how much they are enjoying playing with x to model and teach them proper gratitude and appreciation. I don’t want them to grow up being spoilt and entitled and thinking it is OK to play with things they have absolutely no idea who gave them.

I do, and so do my children. They already have far better manners than many adults, which is embarrassing for those adults really!

It’s a beautiful notion and you have beautiful manners. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t lower your manners to match those of people’s who are in the gutter. Definitely don’t gift £200 again to such ungrateful couples either, that was very generous.

I used to refuse birthday parties and gifts because I hated writing thank you cards.

Would rather not have the gift than spend time writing the thank you card.

I still am of the opinion that if you buy me a gift don’t expect more than a personal thank you
If you are expecting me to put it down in writing (ADHD, dyslexia ASD) then you can keep the gift.

While I accept that thank you cards are a very pretty idea, I live in a country that doesn't do those or any kinds of cards so I don't mean to be goady but what am I actually supposed to do with them? I mean I receive a thank you card for a wedding or whatever but what then? Presumably it just gets thrown in the bin after opening so I do consider it rather a waste of time.

Texting a thanks is perfectly acceptable nowadays. Doesn’t take any effort to text a thank you. (Assuming you have their number).

That's going to open a can of worms!

People who send them often seem to like the idea of them being on display. I'm the same as you, I don't actually want them so they either get binned or go in some pile until I bin them.

I hate thank you cards, never send them and they go straight in the bin when I receive them. Hate it even more when I get one with someone’s photo on it. I thank people in person when I receive a gift.

lol get over yourself. Never sent a thank you card and never expect one either. I really think after a wedding, no one has the time to send this unless you have 10 people at your wedding.

i get my kids to take a picture holding the toy and send a quick text. Hell no am I wasting my time going to buy and post a card. It’s such an outdated concept.

I always write thank you cards but I think I’m in the minority these days. I rarely receive them. I wouldn’t say anything but I would consider them to be lazy arses.

This kind of Thank-You is perfectly acceptable for most occasions - but not weddings, where people will have made a real effort in terms of dressing up and attending and spending a not insignificant amount on a gift (often from a registry list…). To not send a personal thank-you card is simply unacceptable.

Is it old fashioned, outdated to send wedding invitations? So much time, effort, money poured into planning and holding a wedding.Surely a simple "thank you" card for a gift given with thought and love isn't asking too much?

Really, the idea that there's one single etiquette about these things is what's outdated. And there's no way to please everyone either. If you send out thank you cards in 2025, some people will think its ridiculous, and if you don't some people will think you're ungrateful.

If it went in a box at the wedding, you can't be sure they actually received it. I'd ask her whether she did. If she questions your reasons for asking all you need to say is that you hadn't heard from them and were concerned the money had been stolen from them. A thank you message to guests would have been the minimum you could expect.

I totally agree. Even a pre printed card is better than nothing. Neither would I be offended by an email or text to be honest. I do feel it’s rude not to thank people.

Oh my goodness I never send thank you cards! Really?! Why would you actively want to give her/them more work to do?

Id genuinely rather not receive a gift if it meant I was obliged to write a thankyou card. I absolutely hate life admin