Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

[ButtSurgery]

So far today:

Sent him to Lidl with a small shopping list. Phoned to ask whether cottage cheese is the same thing as sour cream and if not, where is it in the shop.

Phoned again to ask how big is 2 pints of milk and is that different from 2 litres of milk.

Phoned later from the local garage to ask if I wanted a new tyre on the car as it has a nail through it and a slow puncture. He is at the garage for an appointment to get the front tyres checked and replaced if needed anyway as they were around the legal minimum.

Phoned again to tell me his work have bounced his expenses because he needs to send them to another email address. What is the email address he needs to contact? (note we work for wholly unrelated employers).

What time is the dog walker coming? Does he need to be here to hand her over or does the dog walker come in with a key and pick her up? (note we have had the walker for months and he knows the drill is to hand the dog over!)

What time am I finishing work? SAME TIME I FINISHED EVERY BLOODY DAY.

Oh there's more but they are the stand out ones. He needs to fuck off back to sea.

oh blimey OP that would drive me mad.

I work a 4 day week, I have two afternoons a week off, the same ones every week .... I have done this for over a decade, but DH still asks me what days I'm working/off.

"When's my dentist appointment?"

He said this standing about a foot away from the wall calendar, admittedly with his back to it. But all he had to do was turn round. Unlike me, who would've had to stop what I was doing and walk across the room to check.

He sounds utterly thick and useless frankly, OP. How can any adult not know that 2 pints are not the same as 2 litres?!

Assuming he hasn't always been like this (since you married him etc) maybe he should see a doctor?

I couldn’t be with someone this inept and useless, sorry OP 😕

Any adult that doesn’t know the difference between sour cream and cottage cheese is off my dating list 🤣

How does he manage to hold down a job?

Lighthearted would be when my husband asked me if I had seen his sunglasses - he was wearing them.

If this is what he does to you in one day, how on earth does he manage to function in a job, out in the world?

He does sound pretty helpless.

I've had this, where are my glasses? On your head you dozy twat😂 and the where did I put x, how the fuck am I supposed to know? I usually do know but that's not the point 🤣

Is he Neurodivergent?

He is outsourcing his thinking to you. I doubt he is thick, just lazy. Stop answering your phone.

🤦‍♀️

I am (very) happily single so I don’t need to deal with this at home but I get it from work colleagues all the time. And yes, it is mostly men, and my approach is for these specific repeat offenders to always ignore the first request and guess how many times they manage to figure it out all on their own?

Does he do this at work?

I overheard a man talking, on his phone, to his, presumably, DP (on public transport and he was loud!) when he suddenly stopped talking - he then said “oh, shit! I’ve lost my phone”. A few seconds later, laughter! I’m assuming his DP had pointed out he was talking on it 🙄

This would lead me to violence

From mine yesterday. “What time will teen dc wake up?” 🙄

Oh God, I would have screamed at him. Just keep answering 'dunno' to everything until he decides to use his own brain rather than yours. I'd find that pretty insulting to be honest.

My DH is not generally like this but he has this specific thing where he will ask me something that I can't possibly know. We arrived in the house from holiday last Saturday, we'd been in the door all of 5 minutes and he asked me why DS's work uniform was on the kitchen table.

I think in his case he's thinking out loud rather than actually expecting me to know. I just don't answer.

Glad it is not just my husband. Do they actually listen?

The only answer is “I don’t know you’ll have to work it out”.

If he brings back the wrong item he has to eat it.

Light-hearted? I guess if you didn't laugh you'd cry. Your husband is incompetent. There is nothing funny about his incompetence but he's not motivated to be a more functional adult because you indulge him.

@WhereIsMyJumper I only asked as I can’t possibly imagine a neurotypical adult (or child for that matter) asking these absolutely absurd questions.

Op shall I presume you live in Scotland and your dh is 17 ???

Are these raspberries or strawberries in the fridge?