Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

[ButtSurgery]

So far today:

Sent him to Lidl with a small shopping list. Phoned to ask whether cottage cheese is the same thing as sour cream and if not, where is it in the shop.

Phoned again to ask how big is 2 pints of milk and is that different from 2 litres of milk.

Phoned later from the local garage to ask if I wanted a new tyre on the car as it has a nail through it and a slow puncture. He is at the garage for an appointment to get the front tyres checked and replaced if needed anyway as they were around the legal minimum.

Phoned again to tell me his work have bounced his expenses because he needs to send them to another email address. What is the email address he needs to contact? (note we work for wholly unrelated employers).

What time is the dog walker coming? Does he need to be here to hand her over or does the dog walker come in with a key and pick her up? (note we have had the walker for months and he knows the drill is to hand the dog over!)

What time am I finishing work? SAME TIME I FINISHED EVERY BLOODY DAY.

Oh there's more but they are the stand out ones. He needs to fuck off back to sea.

If my husband asked me that lot, I’d have a police officer at my door asking me this lot:

do you understand your rights?
was it pre meditated?
do you have anything sharp in your pockets?

It was more if it was still slightly damp versus dry not soaking wet

YABU for being married to such an incompetent manchild.

He can touch it to his lip? Thats what I do if Zi can’t tell.

I like a joke as much as the next woman but non of these would raise even a titter. Horrible behaviour.

Christ on a bike, if I hadn't put lighthearted, someone would have popped up with the likes of:

"my husband asked me to divorce him so he can keep the house and marry my mum" or "my husband batters me and asks me if I enjoy it when he drives me to the hospital where he makes me say I fell down the stairs".....

He's a needy twat today, no idea why. Boredom I suspect.

Man works at sea and can’t tell the difference between wet and dry?

fantastic

Sounds like you’ve got a full-grown toddler on your hands 😂 Honestly impressive how many questions one man can fit into a single day.

That would annoy the fuck out of me, but I like my men competent.

I am that dozy twat. 😳

And I bet he opens a cupboard and can’t find anything because it’s not directly in front of his face!

🤣🤣🤣

Threads like this remind me of why I love being divorced.

It was only after I kicked him out for cheating did I realise I also had all that low level manchild crap going on in my life EVERY FLIPPING DAY.

I pity those of you having to tolerate their ineptitude.

What do you mean, my husband regularly can't see shit that's right in front of his face🤣

DH does this from time to time. I say: "Let me just consult my uterus." 😆

poor sod, where would he be without you 😂 ♥️

Seriously though, my dh has moments of ineptitude but is generally quite competent (despite having adhd which causes some.... interesting challenges). He did once ask me to help him find a pen to sign his anniversary card to me. Which he'd run out to buy on the morning of our anniversary. Which I'd reminded him about that morning....

Luckily he has far more redeeming qualities.

Of course not. It's tactical uselessness, to punish OP for expecting equality of responsibility for household management.

I see all this and raise you my adult son's "Who am I thinking of?"

Last time it was Ben Kingsley

Mine made his sandwich for work the night before and then asked me where he should store them...it was difficult not to make a sarcastic reply.

Could not agree more.

Crikey, I know you said light hearted but are sure he is safe to be let out on his own?? 😂
Seriously though this would irritate the life out of me, I just woudn't answer the phone but then of course you would no doubt be cottage cheeseless.
I can never understand it when you see those people going round the supermarket on facetime, saying this one?? etc - how a normal functioning adult can't manage a bit of shopping is beyond me.

Another take on this (beyond the inept man-child bit) is maybe he's bored and looking for a conversation starter. Or maybe he is just talking aloud to himself a bit. I sometimes do this when looking for things - where's my laptop gone? Cue DP getting annoyed I'm asking him to find it or use mystical powers to conjure it up from the ether. But really it's a combination of talking to myself and giving him the opportunity to say - oh actually I saw it under the sofa with the dog's collar. He on the other hand doesn't ask me, spends 2h looking, and then only mentions when he's really angry it's lost. At which point I mention it is under the dog blanket.

Alternatively he could just be a useless man child. Only you know. I definitely think unemployed people (appreciate he's not actually unemployed but I mean it in the literally sense of not being employed in a meaningful activity) dither about more on silly pointless things, because they have the time. I haven't met a retired person yet who this hasn't happened to.

Why wouldn’t you make a sarcastic response? What kind of an adult can’t put a sandwich in a container?

Yesterday mine asked how long 3 meters was

Whilst holding a tape measure.